120. How to Fail Properly

My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster, and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode 120 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners, and today how to fail properly. Failure. It’s such a negative word, isn’t it? What do you think of when you hear the word failure?

If you’re anything like most people, you probably think of something you tried, but then were not successful. It didn’t work, you failed. And then it brings up all these feelings like disappointment, regret, and defeat. failure means you’ve been defeated, you lost it’s over the end, right?

But what if there was a totally different way to think about failure? What would it look like if you learned how to fail properly. And that’s what I’m talking about here on the podcast today. So get ready to learn a whole new way to look at failure, what failing means and how to fail properly.

And before I get into this topic, today, I wanted to share a quick story about someone I’m working with. This person came to me as a runner, wanting to lose weight around 20 pounds or so. And he had tried everything on his own and just couldn’t do it. And in the five weeks that we’ve been working together, he’s lost over 14 pounds. And that’s a lot of weight. And it’s not really uncommon.

Okay, it’s well, within the range of average weight loss of like one to three pounds per week seems to be pretty average for most people that I work with. The reason I bring this up is because of something he said to me on our call the other day. And I’m paraphrasing here, I didn’t you know, write down everything exactly, as he said.

But he basically said, ‘You know, I’m super happy with this weight loss, I haven’t been this weight and over 30 years, I feel so good. I’m getting stronger running is getting easier every day. But the thing that surprised me the most is all the stuff I’m learning about myself. I’ve really changed my mindset about food and exercise and running and everything. And I’m feeling so much better about myself, I don’t have all those intense cravings to eat junk food anymore, I’m feeling much more confident, I’m standing taller and carrying myself better.’

And I just want to say that I’m so proud of this person for doing the work. Because this is not easy stuff to do. Not everyone is willing to commit, not everyone is willing to put in the effort and actually show up and do this work every day. Not everybody sticks to their plan. But when you do, that’s when the good stuff happens. It does work if you show up and do the work.

So if you’d like to experience the same kind of results, then I want to invite you to apply for coaching with me. Just go to runningleancoaching.com/apply. When you get on that page, you can fill out a short application and then schedule a free zoom call with me and we’ll talk about your goals.

And we’ll talk about how coaching works and how coaching can help you reach those goals. I would love for you to experience these same kinds of changes for yourself. If you’re ready for some realistic lifestyle changes for mindset shifts, and you’re ready to get some sustainable results. Then I think you’re ready for coaching. Just go to runningleancoaching.com/apply to get started.

Alright, let’s talk about how to fail properly. So why am I bringing this up today? Well, I work with a lot of people and sometimes I see people that experience a failure of some sort and then give up. I’ve seen some examples of this lately, where someone has embarked on their weight loss journey and maybe experienced some sort of a failure or a setback.

You know, maybe they hit a stall like so their weight. They were losing weight pretty steadily but then their weight loss sort of stalled out. They hit what’s called a plateau which is super common. In fact, I’ve almost never seen it not happen or maybe they’ve gained a couple of pounds back.

And so they start slipping back into old behaviors. And the reason people do this is because they get frustrated. And when you get frustrated, what do you do, you want to go eat some food to feel better, right? But what happens internally is these, some people like they tell themselves, I have failed, I am a failure, this program, this diet, this food plan, whatever it is, isn’t working. So they quit. They give up, they see failure as the end.

And this is not some fringe thing. I see this all the time, mostly not from my clients, to be honest with you. Because if you’re one of my clients, if you’re one of the members of my program, you’re not allowed to quit. And I’ll talk more about this later. But I see it’s super common in the weight loss industry in general, in the health and fitness industry in general.

My training coach, and I, my weightlifting coach, and I were talking about this the other day, he sees a lot of times with people who are, you know, wanting to get fit. And so they start lifting weights, and they start getting healthier. And then, you know, maybe they just kind of stall out or they have a bad workout, or they’ve experienced some sort of a setback, maybe they get sick, and then they just quit, they just stopped coming back to the gym, they just give up.

So I’m going to go so far as to say that here in the Western world, this is kind of an epidemic. All right, I think that we’re taught at an early age, that the worst possible thing that we can do is to fail at something, you know, you better do well, in third grade, or you’ll fail, and we’re gonna hold you back. And this means that you don’t measure up, you’re not good enough, you are a failure.

And a little sidebar here, I think we need to do a better job of teaching kids that failure is not the end, it’s just part of the process of learning. I don’t think this whole grading system and failing kids and things like that is really working very well, I think it just puts a lot of pressure on kids, kids are filled with fear and anxiety about failure, and I think there’s a better way to do it. But that’s for another topic.

But we as adults need to understand the same thing. We need to understand that failure is just part of how we learn and how we grow, how we evolve, and how we become more. But we get it in our heads that failure is the end. So even as old wise adults, we need to learn how to fail properly because we never have. So that’s what we’re talking about here today.

So let’s get into this a little bit like what is failure? Exactly. If you look up the dictionary definition of failure, it says: an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful, lack of success, that’s all it means is lack of success. And I always add the phrase “for now” at the end of that. So failure to me is a lack of success right now.

Doesn’t mean lack of success forever, it just means that whatever you’re doing didn’t work big up. Notice it doesn’t say a lack of success forever. And it’s the end of your journey. It’s not the end. One story I love about failure is the story of Stephen King.

So Stephen King is one of my favorite authors. And I remember in high school and after high school reading, just like every one of his books, you know, I was kind of hooked on Stephen King at the time. And I love that kind of writing. Now you may not enjoy his particular style of writing or his subject matter, you know, kind of gruesome and horror-type stuff, but I enjoy it.

I think it’s really fun to just get lost in these crazy, supernatural stories. But anyway, the first manuscript that he wrote was Carrie, and he submitted this to publishers trying to get this book published, right. And he took it to like 30 different publishers and was rejected every time he was rejected over 30 times for this manuscript of Carrie.

One of the rejection letters that he received said, we are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias, they do not sell. And he eventually took that manuscript and threw it in the garbage. He was like, this is the end screw it. I’m not going to keep trying. I’ve tried 30 times and failed 30 times.

But his wife convinced him to try again and she like, dug it out of the garbage, I guess. And he was, you know, he resigned himself to just keep trying. And he did. And of course, he eventually sold it. And he’s become one of the most popular and successful writers of our time. To date, he’s the only author to have over 30 books become number one bestsellers. That’s crazy.

But what if he gave up? What if, after one of those failures, or 9 or 21 of those failures, he just said, you know, screw it, I’m not doing this anymore, and just quit writing, he would never experience the kind of success he did. So I love that story of failure, it does not mean it’s the end, it just means it’s the end for now.

And I like to use this analogy of failure as like, imagine yourself being an airplane pilot, and you’re flying a commercial airliner from LA to New York. So you plot your course and you take off and everything’s looking good. And you’re flying through the air, everything’s like smooth sailing, but then you like, realize there’s this big storm ahead, you know, a huge storm.

And you’d have to make a decision of what you’re gonna do. Do you just quit? Do you like land the plane and say, sorry, there’s a storm in our way. There’s a big obstacle in our path we just can’t go on? Or do you go around it? You know, it’s going to take longer, you know, it’s not the way it was supposed to go. Things are not going according to plan, but you’re going to make it work, right?

Obviously, you’re going to make it work. You’re just gonna go around the storm, you keep going, right. But what if there was like a mechanical issue with the plane, you had to land it? Okay, now, you’re really off track, you had to actually take the time, you have to land somewhere, you got to sit there and wait for them to check it out. You know? So do you just quit? Do you just give up in that moment?

No, you just keep going. Obviously, as long as there’s nothing terribly wrong, you know, as long as the mechanics check it out, and the plane looks good. Then you get back on it, right, you just get back on track. These failures along the way, though, we look at our own failures as the end like it’s an excuse to give up.

And if you were that pilot, you would never give up, you would just continue, you got a plane full of people, you got to get them safely to their destination, right? Think about your health and fitness journey, your weight loss journey, you want to get to that destination. And so you have to experience a little bit of turbulence, a little bit of rough weather, just expect that on the path. It’s okay. It doesn’t mean it’s the end, it just means that it’s a setback. It’s a detour. All right.

So one thing I love about runners is that they’re already really good at doing this, like you guys, you guys are amazing at experiencing failures in your training. When you’re training for a marathon, you know, you got this 16,18, 20 weeks of training. And I see people all the time experience failures and setbacks and disappointments, you know, you might get injured, and you have to take some time off of running to nurse an injury.

Or maybe you have to travel for work or vacation. And it’s the same week, you’re supposed to be doing like a 20 miler. And so what do you do in those situations? Or maybe you get sick, this has been happening a lot, right? Over the last couple of years, you get sick, and you have to take time off? You know, do you quit?

No, you don’t you keep going and you like you get back at it. As soon as you can you get just pick up where you left off with your training plan, right? You keep training because you have this goal, and it’s important to you to finish that marathon, that’s a priority. And whether you’re traveling or if you’re sick or injured, none of these things are going to derail you from accomplishing that goal, right?

You probably paid for the race. So you have some skin in the game, which helps to drive you forward as well. Right? You’re focused, you’re determined, and you’re not going to allow these failures to stop you. You’re laser-focused on hitting this goal of finishing this marathon, you’re gonna finish that no matter what. Right, that’s amazing, you know, character trait, to have that sort of tenacity to just keep going no matter what.

And it’s really the same with your weight loss journey. But here’s the thing, I see runners all the time who can do this with their running plan, they might get injured, and they just, they do all their physical therapy and they, you know, get back on track, and then they finish that marathon like they are focused on completing that task and that goal.

But when it comes to losing weight, I see people experience some minor setbacks like hey, their weight stayed the same for a couple of weeks in a row and then give up. Like, what if you were as laser-focused on your weight loss as you know, health and fitness goals as you were on finishing that marathon?

What if you never let some little failures along the way stop you from continuing on? What if you took that same all-in attitude about your marathon training, and applied it to losing weight and becoming the most badass version of yourself? What would that look like for you? Would you look at failure differently? What would you do the next time you experienced that weight loss stall or plateau?

Or maybe you gave into a temptation to eat some junk food? Would this mean you can’t do it? And you give up and you just declare this doesn’t work and go back to doing whatever you’ve been doing? Which already, you know, that doesn’t work? I know, it sounds kind of crazy. The way I’m explaining it here, you’re probably thinking to yourself, like, oh, no, of course, I wouldn’t do that.

But this is exactly the thing I see people do all the time. You know, I’ve even talked to people who said they had their diet all dialed in years ago. Like they never felt better. I was at my goal weight. Running was awesome. Everything was amazing. I was eating all this amazing food. But then something happened, something seemed like it wasn’t working. And they gave up.

They experienced some sort of a setback, some sort of a failure, and they quit. And they went back to doing whatever they were used to doing before, which got them kind of overweight in the first place, and blah, blah, blah. I really wished this was an uncommon story. I really wish this was like the exception, but it’s not a people tell me this all the time.

So instead of avoiding failure at all costs, instead of giving up when you experience failure, you have to expect failure. What would that look like for you? Like ehat would it look like if you just expected to fail? I know it sounds like a kind of a crazy concept, right? What if you just expected there to be some turbulence along the way?

What if you just expected to have to, you know, lay in the plane to fix a stabilizer flap. I clearly don’t know much about airplanes. But whatever thing you would need to fix on a plane. Like what if you expected a weight-loss stall or a plateau? And what if you just expected your weight loss journey to take a little bit longer?

Failure is not to be avoided, failure is inevitable, you will fail. So why not embrace it, deal with it, learn from it, and then keep going. You cannot spend all your time trying to avoid failure. If you do, you will never try anything hard, you will never push yourself to accomplish anything more. You won’t ever get out of your comfort zone.

Because when you avoid failure, it keeps you in that comfort zone. But it also keeps you stuck and keeps you small and keeps you from growing and becoming more expected and embracing failure has the opposite effect. It gets you out of your comfort zone and drives you forward toward your goals. It’s how you evolve and grow and become more it’s how you accomplish hard things like losing 20, 30, 50 pounds.

You have to look at failures as stepping stones along your path. If when you fail, it is not the end, every one of these failures you experience is just one more step on the path to your eventual success. So each time you fail, it becomes one more step closer to your goal. And each failure is a chance to learn something. This is the important part of failing you have to learn the lesson from the failure.

You have to learn what works and what doesn’t. And the only way you learn this is by failing because success doesn’t teach you anything. So each failure actually becomes necessary in order to reach your goal. Each failure is one step closer to that goal. So you try something you fail. You learn something, you course correct, then you try again. Boom. Now you’re one step closer to your goal.

Every success is built upon a pile of failures. And no one does anything challenging perfectly. There’s no such thing as success without setbacks and failures along the way. So just expect them to be there. Embrace the failures. If you look at failures, in the end you’re gonna be quitting a lot. You’re gonna be quitting everything you ever start.

Are you the kind of person that quits things a lot? it’s probably because you look at failures, the end, failure is never the end, it’s just another step closer to becoming who you really want to be. So when you embrace failure, this means that you’re going to try things that might not work. And this is a scary thing for a lot of people.

Well, what if it doesn’t work? Who cares? A lot of people just use this as an excuse to quit or not even start something, because what they’re gonna do, you know, what they’re setting out to do is hard, it’s uncomfortable. And I get that doing this work. Like if you’re losing weight, if you want to lose weight and become a leaner, stronger runner, this is not an easy thing to do.

This takes some time, it takes some time to build new habits, it takes some time to learn what works for you. If it was easy, none of us would be overweight, none of us would need help with staying on track. You know, nobody would ever slip into old habits, again, like this would be simple, but it’s not. It’s, it’s it takes some work, I get that right.

In order to change your habits, you have to do things that feel uncomfortable, right? At least at first, once you do things for a while, it gets more comfortable, it gets easier, and all that. But at first, especially it doesn’t feel good. And so a lot of people just use failure as an excuse to quit. So they’re just chasing, they’re chasing after comfort and security, at the cost of their goals, they really want for themselves.

They don’t want to feel uncomfortable. They don’t want to do anything hard. They want more for themselves. But they don’t want to put the time and effort into reaching some people like they don’t want to put the actual effort into doing it. They don’t want to experience the discomfort that is required to reach that goal.

So it’s way easier to just say, you know, this failed, and go back to being comfortable and safe and small and doing all the stuff you used to do. And that’s fine if that’s what you want for yourself. But you’re listening to this podcast right now, I don’t think that’s what you want for yourself.

The people that listen to this podcast, I know you want more for yourself. Like I was saying earlier, this whole idea of like staying small and comfortable, and not wanting to get uncomfortable. I think this is an epidemic. This is like the disease of modern society, at least in the Western world.

Chasing after comfort. Avoiding discomfort at all costs, and avoiding failure at all costs has caused us to become weak and soft and small. And staying safe, and uncomfortable just keeps us from evolving, right? If you want to become badass, you got to embrace discomfort, you got to embrace failure as often as you can, and you got to do stuff that might not work.

Change your diet, sign up for an ultra marathon, start lifting some heavy-ass weights, guess what, you’re gonna try these things. And you might fail, you probably will fail, Big whoop. Learn from it. Try something else and try it again. Do not give up on yourself just to be comfortable. Because I know you’re capable of so much more.

You may not believe that about yourself. But I know that about you, you’re capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. Most of us are only living up to about 40% of our actual potential increase that goes beyond 40%.

And the last thing I want to say about all this is probably one of the most important things that I want you to take away from this episode. And that is that any time you fail, and if you’re following my lead here, and you’re kind of doing what I’m suggesting here, you will fail maybe a lot.

Anytime you fail, it does not mean anything about you, it does not mean that you are a failure. When you try something and fail, it’s really easy to fall into that trap of thinking that you are a failure. feeling like a failure is really caused by a lot of negative thinking. And if you feel like you’re a failure, that’s an internal state caused by your thoughts about what this failure means about you.

So feeling like a failure is just an emotional state that you’re in. And emotional states are just caused by your thoughts. Okay. So just know that you are never a failure. The reason you feel this way is just you’re projecting that onto yourself. You are an amazing human being. You’re capable of greatness. You are perfect just the way you are right now. Yeah, you can still work to change yourself but that does not mean that you are a failure just because you tried something and it didn’t work does not mean that you are a failure.

You analyze your results. You try something else. And you see if that works, but you are never a failure. Do things that are hard, try things that may not work, fail, fail often fail fast. But none of this means anything about you as a person, it does not mean that you are a failure. You’re amazing.

So, your call to action this week, what I want you to do, is I want you to allow failure. Allow it to become part of your health and fitness journey. Allow it to become part of your weight loss journey. Try things that may not work. Get out of your comfort zone. Stop expecting your life to be failure-free and there’s no such thing as a failure-free life. So embrace failure.

Try something hard fail, learn from it course correct, then keep going. Rinse and repeat until you hit your goal. Cool. And remember, if you’re ready to make realistic lifestyle changes, mindset shifts and get sustainable results. Then you’re ready for coaching. Just go to runningleancoaching.com/apply to get started. Love you all keep on Running Lean, and I’ll talk to you soon.

If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.