167. Reframing Failure

My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster, and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode 167 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners. And today, reframing failure. Sounds really dramatic, doesn’t it? And today we are reframing failure. But here’s the thing: failure, or the fear of failure, is one of the biggest reasons why you do not achieve the important things that you want for yourself.

People are so afraid of failure that oftentimes they just never even try anything. They decide ahead of time that failure is inevitable, so they quit before they even get started. The truth is, though, failure is always going to be part of the process. So instead of fearing failure and giving up, you need to reframe what failure actually means for you.

So in this episode of the podcast, I’m gonna explain exactly how reframing failure can help you reach your goals, your weight loss goals and your running goals. But first, as a licensed sports nutritionist, I get asked a lot of questions about using nutrition to improve running performance.

And one of the most common questions I get is this, ‘what does fat adapted even mean?’ What does it mean to be fat adapted? And people think that being fat adapted means that you eat nothing but fat all day long. This is not about eating fat all day long. This is not about eating sticks of butter wrapped in bacon.

Okay, being fat adapted means you’ve adapted your body to burn fat to burn stored body fat as a steady source of fuel. And your own stored body fat is what we’re talking about being burned here, which is how you lose weight. So burning fat, we all know that if you want to lose weight, you got to burn fat, right?

So becoming a fat adapted runner is an amazing way of losing weight and improving your endurance. When you burn fat more efficiently, you lose weight, you have all day energy, your endurance improves, you can think more clearly your food cravings go away, you sleep better, you generally feel better. And this is just a partial list just for starters, okay?

Being a fat adapted runner means you are on your way to becoming the healthiest version of yourself. If you want to learn more about this, you can check out my unique weight loss coaching programs for runners just go to runningleancoaching.com/apply. And you could apply to join the Running Lean coaching project where the project as always, is you.

Alright, let’s talk about reframing failure. So last week, on the podcast, I talked about overcoming your fear of success. And I got a lot of good feedback on that episode. So I thought this week, I would talk about the other side of that, the other side which is overcoming your fear of failure. And the key to overcoming your fear of failure is really reframing failure. What does failure really mean to you? What should it mean? How can we look at failure differently?

So first of all, let’s kind of talk about how failure kind of shows up in our lives. So a lot of times, we think of failure, you think of it as being like the end, I have failed, and therefore, this is the end, right? Have you ever tried something? And then it didn’t quite work out for you? And so then you said, Well, I failed and then you quit, right? That’s the way most of us look at failure.

It’s a negative thing. It’s bad. We shouldn’t ever do it. It should be avoided at all costs. And it is the end. But that’s not really a failure. So first of all, let’s look at how failure shows up. So fair, fear of failure can show up like this. Number one, it can be just never starting. So so many people are overcome by a fear of failing at something that they never try anything. They never start.

You know, I’ve talked to a lot of people who tell me that, you know, they want to lose weight, but they are so afraid that they’re going to fail again, that they won’t even try something something new, even though you know they say they’ve tried every thing, quote unquote, everything, they’ve never really had a coach helping them through the process, which can make a big difference and not for everybody, but for a lot of people can make a big difference.

But they’re so overcome by a fear of failure that they will not even try that they won’t try anything. Right. So never starting is one way that fear of failure really manifests and shows up in our lives. Another way that we fail, and I like to call this pre failing, this is where like, you might even get started with some things.

So you might make some progress toward your weight loss goal, let’s say, but then you have some sort of minor setback, and then you just start believing that you are destined to fail, and you start coming up with all the reasons why this time is going to be just like all the others. And I’ll probably end up quitting sometime in the future. I never stick to anything like this long term, this never really works out for me. And you end up pre-failing.

So you, you have maybe made a little bit of progress. But you’ve decided that failure is inevitable. And so you give up, right? So that’s pre failing. And then the most common way that failure shows up for people is they just quit like they give up. And this is the only true way that you fail. The only true definition of failure is quitting. Because if you don’t give up, if you don’t quit, you won’t fail.

People who never give up, people who just keep going, in spite of failing, will eventually succeed. Think about that for a second. If you don’t give up, you will eventually succeed. If you never quit, you can never truly fail. But so many people are so quick to quit stuff, like any minor setback, and they’re done. That’s it, check, please, I’m done with this.

Do not do that. Do not do that, don’t ever quit. I’m just telling you like, if you take nothing else away from this particular episode, do not quit. Because if you do not quit on yourself, you cannot fail. Another way that fear of failure shows up in our lives is giving up on what’s important to you. So you may have decided that for you. Losing weight is super important.

You know, you want to live longer, you want running to be easier. You want to be healthier, you want to be there for your kids, you want to be a good example to your kids. But then you start to maybe experience a little bit of a setback. Or maybe it’s harder than you think it is.

Because listen, losing weight is not easy, right? It can be a challenge. It can be tough to get through those first few months, especially. And it’s uncomfortable, the process is uncomfortable. And a lot of people can’t deal with that. And so they start to make these excuses for why they need to change, their why they need to change their minds around why they really want to do this.

So they’ll be like, well, actually, I don’t really need to lose 20 pounds, I’m fine being like 20 pounds overweight, nobody else really seems to mind. So it’s okay with me. I mean, I’ll probably live long enough anyway, it’s fine. I know. I said I wanted to be a good example to my kids. But there’s other role models for them like, nobody’s perfect anyway, like, you know, this is, maybe this issue isn’t meant to be like you just give up on these things that are that you’ve set are so important to you.

And here’s the funny thing, none of the stuff I’m talking about here is actually really failing. This is all just stuff we do based on our fear of failure. This is just stuff we do. Because we think that we might fail sometime in the future. Or we try something that doesn’t really work. And so we fail. Right?

So when we actually think about this, the first thing we need to do is really reframe this whole conversation. We need to develop a keen sense of awareness around when your fear of failure starts to show up, right? It’s usually a lot of head chatter. And in your mind, it can sound like justification. You try to justify your behavior. It’s excuses. Oh, you know, I can’t do this because of XYZ. It’s stories. It’s blaming other people. It’s blaming your circumstances.

And all this head chatter can lead to never starting or quitting or giving up on those big reasons why these goals were important to you in the first place. And this is all just negative self-talk, right, it’s typically a deep seated belief that you will fail. A deep seated belief that you cannot lose weight, or you cannot run faster, or whatever you want for yourself. And we call these limiting beliefs. A limiting belief is a belief that you have, and you believe to be true, that isn’t actually serving you.

In fact, it’s a belief that limits your potential. We all have limiting beliefs, but we need to see them for what they really are. And they’re really just fears, they’re fears of, I’m afraid, I won’t be able to do this, I’m afraid I won’t be able to lose weight, I’m afraid I’ll fail again. And so firmly believing I can’t do it means that you don’t have to actually start and then you don’t have to suffer that inevitable failure that thinks gonna happen in the future. So get rid of these limiting beliefs, stop the head chatter.

And we got to start reframing all of this, because start reframing what all of this means, okay. And by the way, the three biggest reasons why people don’t achieve their goals, fear of failure, fear of success, which I talked about last week on the podcast. So if you haven’t listened to that one yet, definitely check that one out. And then the third one is the fear of being criticized or judged, which I’m going to talk about next week.

These are the three biggest things that come up when people set out to do something big. And it’s all just a bunch of BS. And it’s all just stuff that we need to reframe, and we need to rethink, okay. So when you see this fear, fear of failure, when you see this head chatter start to happen, when these negative thoughts come into your mind, when the negative self talk starts to happen. When you notice your fear of failure is keeping you from starting something, or making you feel like quitting. Or when your fear of failure is making you give up on your hopes and dreams. And you start justifying staying where you are staying small, you got to be really aware of all that stuff.

Be ultra aware when these things are happening to you. Don’t let this stuff get in your way. Don’t let this stuff stop you from making progress. Don’t let this stuff stop you from getting started. Don’t let this stuff keep you from continuing like don’t let it make you quit. Because once you stop letting your fear of failure get in the way then you can start taking aligned action. Start doing things you can change your behavior, you can do things that’ll start moving you forward.

Aligned action is anything that you do that helps move you towards a goal. If your goal is to lose weight, aligned action might be cutting out sugar, and grains and seed oils. Goal is to run faster, aligned action might be doing speed work twice a week. And aligned action could be things you don’t do, too like, maybe if your goal is to lose weight aligned action might be like say no to the Girl Scouts, when they come to your door selling their delicious cookies. They’re evil, those little girls with their green uniforms. You know what I mean? So hard to say no. They’re so cute.

But if that’s not what you want for yourself, then you have to like take that action of like, oh, no, thank you. I’m good. Right? Hard to do. But that’s what aligned action looks like, right. And once you start taking aligned action, this is where you start making progress toward a goal. You can’t make progress without taking action, right? You can’t get results without doing something.

But inevitably, something will happen. And you will experience what we call failure. Okay, cool. Failure comes in many forms. When you start taking aligned action, you start doing something to move towards a goal, you set a plan and you start working the plan, failure can come in a lot of different ways. You might go off your food plan, you might eat the Girl Scout cookies, fine, no big deal. You might gain some weight, you know, you’re on this journey to lose weight.

First of all, nobody that I know of ever loses weight exactly like one pound a week or two pounds a week or something like that just doesn’t really happen. It always goes up and down. You have to just expect that as part of the process. So you might gain some weight, okay, big deal. Or maybe you’ve been training for a marathon PR, and then that race comes up and maybe you just miss it by a minute. Right? All of these things can look like failure.

Maybe you want to hit the gym three times a week you’re trying to get stronger and you want to lift weights and you want to be consistent with that and you just haven’t been consistent. You keep missing days you’re sleeping in or you don’t feel like it. All these things can look like and feel like failure, you gain weight, you miss your PR, you didn’t, you know, do what you said you were going to do hitting the gym.

But you know what? None of this is actually failure. You just think it is you’re looking at it as failure. This is where we have to reframe all these situations. Reframing failure means not thinking that some setback or some disappointment is the end and an excuse to quit. You didn’t fail. You did not fail. The only thing the only way you can possibly fail is if you quit. If you give up, yes, then you have failed.

But trying and failing and then trying again is not true failing. So instead of seeing these things as the end, you have to see them as stepping stones on your way to succeeding. Failure is a part of the process. Every success is built upon a pile of failures, you cannot succeed at anything without experiencing some failures along the way, it just doesn’t happen.

Michael Jordan is famously quoted as saying this, “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and I missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Babe Ruth was known as the homerun king. And I did not know this. But he was also known as the strikeout king. In 1923, Babe Ruth broke the record for the most homeruns in a season. It was amazing, right? That same year, he also broke the record for having the highest batting average of anybody ever, in Major League Baseball, crazy.

The third record he broke that year, and most people don’t know this, I didn’t know this, was in 1923. He also had more strikeouts than any other player in Major League Baseball, you fail your way to success, there’s no other way to do it. If you’re afraid to fail, you will always fail.

The alternative is to reframe failure, you’ve got to look at failure as the only way to succeed at anything and everything. Failure has to be an option. There’s this quote, failure isn’t an option. I think this is a stupid quote. Because you know what, if failure isn’t an option, then success isn’t an option, either. You have to embrace the idea of failing, if you want to succeed at anything.

I talk to people all the time who, you know, maybe struggle with their weight. And they fail a lot. Things don’t go as planned. They give into an urge or craving. You know, they can’t say no to the Girl Scouts. The scale doesn’t go the way they want it to. And sometimes they feel like a failure. And we talk through this and we work through it all. But at the heart of the matter.

There’s this idea that failure is bad, and failure should be avoided. But this is not true. Failure is neither good nor bad. Actually, if I was to pick one or the other, I would say failure is actually a good thing. Failure is part of the process. Failure is what it takes to reach your goal. The only way you can reach a goal is if you fail your way to that goal. The only way to figure out what works is by trying things, figuring out what doesn’t work.

Thomas Edison tried like 10,000 different ways to get the light bulb working. And somebody once asked him like if all that failure, all that failing was just like a big waste of time? And he said I have not failed 10,000 times. I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work. I love that. Because this is exactly what I’m talking about here. This is exactly what reframing failure looks like.

Failure is not the end. Failure’s not bad, failure’s not a problem. Failure’s part of the process. So the most important thing here is that you have to learn from your failures. Thomas Edison learned what doesn’t work. Michael Jordan learned what doesn’t work, Babe Ruth, learned what doesn’t work.

When you try different foods and your weight goes up, you just learned something. Hey, this doesn’t work for me. I can’t eat a large pizza by myself and then expect to keep losing weight. Okay, I can’t eat a whole box of Tagalongs by myself and then expect to lose weight, right?

So you have to ask yourself when you fail, or when you have a setback or something happens, a disappointment, you let yourself down, whatever. What’s the lesson here? What do I need to learn from this? What am I going to do differently next time?

So the biggest reframe of failures, this failure is just feedback. It’s an opportunity for you to learn and grow. You don’t learn from your successes, you learn from your mistakes. I hate that it works that way, but that’s the way it works. Success is a terrible teacher, failure is the only way you learn.

Right now I’m learning something, I’m training for an Ultra. This is a self supported 12 hour event that I’m doing completely on my own, never done a timed event like this before. And just thinking about running for 12 hours brings up all kinds of fear of failure. What if I can’t finish? And there’s a good chance that maybe I won’t, that’s a long time to run, right?

What if I get injured, I’m coming off of a knee injury from last year, there’s a real possibility that that could flare up again, especially during all this training. That’s a real possibility. It’d be easy for me to just justify not doing this, I could just easily say like, you know what, this, maybe maybe I shouldn’t do it. I don’t want to hurt myself. It’s a lot of work, a lot of training, I could really give up on this goal.

So I’ve been doing a lot of training. I’m really ramping up my mileage now. And I’m getting somewhere around 45-50 miles a week right now. And that’s going to increase to 60-65 miles a week. But right now my running has been pretty good. But I’ve had some pretty crappy runs. I did a 12 miler last week and felt completely terrible. Wasn’t a long run, but it just felt terrible.

Like what’s going on here? I did a 17 miler the week before and it felt amazing. So it’d be really easy to look at this bad run as like a failure and like a reason to quit training. I could look at it as evidence that I’m not cut out for this, like, proof that I can’t do this. But I’m not doing that. I choose not to do that. Instead, I’m looking at this bad run as an opportunity to learn something.

What do I need to do differently from a fueling perspective? What did I eat the night before? What did I eat that morning, did I eat anything? How did I fuel during the run? What did my hydration look like? Do I need to drink more water, less water and more electrolytes? How was my heart rate? Can I keep it lower? Well, how was my pacing? Maybe I started too fast. What was the terrain like? Was it flat, was it hilly, could I even cut my effort on the hills like all of this is great feedback, right? It’s good info.

And I wouldn’t consider any of this unless I had a crappy run, and essentially had to look at this failure. And now I can learn something from it. Another way that I failed is like when I first started out at getting fat adapted, I was trying an approach that really wasn’t working, I didn’t really understand what I was doing at the time, I was new to all this.

And it was taking a long time for running to feel good again, like eight weeks, and I still wasn’t where I wanted to be like running was still really hard. And this is not normal. It should only take like one to three weeks, right? And you’re good to go. But I didn’t really know what I was doing. I do now, but at the time, I was eating a lot of carbs during that process.

And now I know that that approach doesn’t work. But at the time, I really didn’t have any idea. I wasn’t tracking how much I was eating, I was just kind of guessing. And this is like, I had to just fail my way to success. I had to fail my way and figure out what actually did work for me, right.

So another chance for me to learn something but I didn’t quit. I just kept going. I tried something, it didn’t work. I tried something else, it worked. But you’ve got to keep going. So here’s your work. Stop being afraid to fail. Don’t let your fear of failure prevent you from getting started. Don’t let your fear of failure drive you to giving up on yourself and start looking at failure as essential to achieving any goal.

Yeah, remember, it’s just part of the process. So don’t try to avoid failure. instead embrace it, because it’s the only way you’re actually going to succeed at anything. And then lastly, remember, failure is just feedback. Learn from your mistakes. What are the lessons you need to learn from this? And then change something course correct. And move on. Try something else.

Rinse and repeat this whole process until you succeed. Because the only way you really fail is if you quit so never ever, ever, ever, ever quit. The people who succeed are the people who never give up. Period. All right, that’s all I got for you today. Love you all, keep on Running Lean and I will talk to you soon.

If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time that I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called Running Lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean, fat burning running machine. So you can run without bonking. Lose Weight Without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to Running Lean podcast.com forward slash lean for life and start your transformation today.