39. Learning to Love the Process

My name is Patrick McGilvray. And I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve learned that running more and eating less does not work for weight loss, and that there’s a better way. Now I help runners like you to get leaner and get stronger, so you can run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode number 39 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners. And today I’m talking about learning how to love the process. So oftentimes, when we take on a big challenge, like changing how we eat, losing weight, or training for a marathon, we don’t get the results that we want fast enough, the weight isn’t coming off as quickly as we want, or the training isn’t getting any easier.

Running is still really hard. When you’re focused solely on the end result, and you’re not there yet, it creates this sort of tension. And you begin to hate the process it takes to get you there, because it’s hard. It’s why they call it a challenge. But this is not a very useful way to approach anything worth doing. So today I’m talking about learning instead, how to love the process, and how it’s a simple mindset shift. But it will absolutely change how you approach everything you do.

But first, if you liked this podcast, please come check out the Running Lean community on Facebook. It is a fun group of positive energetic runners like you. It’s a grip that kind of goes hand in hand with the podcast. We share common goals, we were all trying to lose weight, we want running to be easier, we want to live a healthier life.

I do weekly trainings in there on a host of topics like the mindset of running, nutrition, weight loss, and other fun things. Here’s a recent comment from one of our community members, Carrie, Carrie says, “You have completely changed my whole mindset around eating and running. You said in one of your podcasts that you love to motivate. And that’s exactly what you do. I’m down 11 pounds since August 3, and my runs are getting better. Thank you with three exclamation points.”

By the way, I love this. Carrie, thank you for sharing. Carrie is just one of the many positive motivated people we have in the Running Lean community on Facebook. We also do fun things like group challenges. September, we’ve been doing the intermittent fasting challenge. And we’ve been talking all about why we would want to even participate in intermittent fasting.

Why is that even a thing? Why is that important? Especially for runners, really intermittent fasting for runners. And it helps. How’s that even possible? So we’ve been talking about that.

And I’ve got more challenges coming your way soon. Especially as we’re getting into the holidays, just a little teaser, like we’re going to be doing a holiday challenge that’s going to be really fun. So just come join us just go to Facebook, and search for the Running Lean community. It’s fun.

Also, did you know that you can get help with your running and your weight loss goals? Yes, it’s true. Listen, becoming a fat-adapted runner, breaking old habits and creating new ones, developing the mindset it takes to make all of these healthy changes permanent to make it a new lifestyle.

This can all be daunting, it can be challenging to do on your own. That’s why I offer one-on-one coaching. Working with me as your coach, I’ll help you figure out the right nutrition plan for you that will get you to your specific goals.

You’ll have someone there, me, holding you accountable. I help keep you on track. I help you stay on track and moving towards your goals. I encourage you to do things that you don’t want to do so you can become the person that you ultimately want to be. And most importantly, you’ll develop the mindset required to make these changes for life.

So if you’re ready to make some big changes in your life, if you’re ready to lose weight and ready to love the process of doing it, then you have to apply for one on one coaching with me just go to innerfiretribe.com/weightlosscoaching, one word, do it now I promise you will not regret it. We’ll get on the phone. We’ll have a chat. We’ll see if this is a good fit for both of us.

Okay, let’s talk about learning to love the process. So here’s what I see happening with people and I see this with my clients a lot. You have a goal. You want to lose weight or maybe your goal is to run your first marathon. So you create a plan, you change your diet, you change your whole way of eating, you start eating all the right foods, you start feeling healthy.

And things are going pretty well. Or maybe you start training for your marathon. So you put together a 17 week training program, and you start running, and you get out there and you’re running for five days a week, whatever it is, you’re doing great. But then something happens.

You look at the scale, and you’re like, you know, I’m really not losing much weight, I’ve lost a couple of pounds. And you know, this is hard, this is hard work. It’s just not, it’s not going fast enough, it’s not happening fast enough, I’m not losing weight fast enough, or, you know, I’m running five times a week, and my endurance really isn’t improving like running still sucks, it’s still hard, I’m not getting any better, it’s not getting easier.

So what we do is we get super hyper focused on the end result, we get focused on the goal, to lose the 40 pounds, run the 26.2 miles, but you’re not there yet, you’re you’re where you are today, you still have 38 pounds to lose, or you’re only up to running, you know, six miles.

And so there’s this tension, there’s this turmoil, if you will, that you sort of create inside yourself, I want to be there, but I’m only here you’re not seeing immediate, you’re not seeing immediate results, you’re seeing some small changes, but they’re small, it’s taking too long. You know, it’s not going fast enough.

You know, I don’t look like that one woman on Instagram yet, or I can’t run 18 miles yet. So you get frustrated, you get frustrated, because you’re not where you ultimately want to be. And first of all, this doesn’t make sense to me. It’s like you’re climbing a mountain and you’re in you’re kind of like the at the base of the mountain, you know, you’ve you’ve started, you know, you’re working your way up, but you’re still you got a long way to go.

It’s like saying, oh, this isn’t, this isn’t working, this isn’t going fast enough. And you’re like looking up at the mountain, you’re like, I want to be at the top, but I’m not there yet. It’s like, you gotta like do the work to get you from here to there. Okay, you can’t just like hate being where you are, and expect it to be like, easier to get to the top. That, that doesn’t make any sense.

So you get frustrated, you hate where you are, you’re putting this hard work in, it’s not working fast enough. And by the way, fast enough according to who? Like who’s saying you should be losing weight at a certain rate? Who says it’s going to take you you know, six weeks to lose 40 pounds when it took you eight years to put it on?

That doesn’t make sense, or, you know, to run 26 miles, it takes some time to build up to that. So anyway, I don’t know why we put these arbitrary timelines on things. I used to do that though, and I get it. And I used to put timelines on my goals. And when I didn’t hit the goal in the timeline, I was pissed off, I got frustrated.

And a lot of times I would just give up. So that’s another whole story, though. That’s another topic, I’ll save that whole goal setting and timelines and stuff for another day. But just know this, when you are frustrated with where you are, it’s gonna be very difficult to get to that result.

So what happens when most people are in this situation and what most people do when they’re not getting the results fast enough? When they’re frustrated, when they’re hating the process, they quit, right? They’re like, screw, it’s too hard, it’s taking too long, it’s not worth it. I’m just gonna go back to eating the way I was eating, which by the way, is definitely not going to get you to your goals.

Or I’m just going to sleep in on Saturdays and spend all day on the couch watching Netflix, which definitely won’t get you to that goal. So they give up on these big goals. They give up on these dreams because it’s not happening fast enough, and they begin to hate the process.

When you hate the process, you are going to have a very, very hard time sticking to that process. It’s all going to be terrible. It’s just going to suck all the time. Is that how you want to approach accomplishing this goal? Is that how you want to go through life? Because we’re always going to have goals that we’re working towards, right?

Here’s an example from my own life just so you can kind of put this in perspective. So I’ve been trying to increase my lean muscle mass. I’ve been trying to build more muscle And it’s hard work, I will tell you it is difficult. And it’s taking a while. And I haven’t been seeing much progress. And I was beginning to get frustrated with all of this.

So I’m putting in a lot of hard work. I’m strength training three times a week, religiously. You know, I go to the gym and go at it hard. And I’m starting to think why even bother, it’s not working. And I was hating what I was doing, I started to just hate the whole thing. It just was terrible.

And just a little backstory, I’ve always had a hard time like bulking up. And this may be my genetics, I was always a skinny kid until I got fat. And then I was the fat guy with no muscles. Then I got skinny again, and I trained for Ironman. You know, I was going to the gym all the time, but I could never really bulk up, I could never really put on muscle.

And so I was just thinking, maybe this isn’t for me, you know, I’m 53. Now maybe it’s just not possible for me to build muscle. And I was really kind of hating the process. So I had to make a decision. I came to a point where I was like, okay, I can’t just say, ‘This is too hard. It’s taking too long, it’s not happening fast enough. You know, I’m just gonna say screw it, why even bother.’

Or I could adopt this new mindset, I could learn to love the process. And for me, the process is going to the gym three times a week and working out. The process is putting in the training, lifting the heavy things, pushing myself harder each week, learning everything I could about this topic of weight training and how to do it more efficiently, how to get the most bang for the buck.

So I started studying the subject of resistance training like crazy. And I started pushing myself super hard each week at the gym. And I started to really get into this and sort of love the process.

So much so that I’m actually becoming a certified personal trainer, because I’m like, I want to learn everything I can about this and be able to teach it to others, especially as we get older, it’s very important to continue to keep your muscle strength up build muscle is so good for your, for your joints, for your bones, for your overall health. To have more lean mass, it’s great for fat burning, it helps you for running.

Most runners don’t do enough strength training. And so I want to help runners learn how to do this stuff the right way. Anyway, I’ve learned that I need to love this process. And it’s still going to take a while for me to get to the goals. You know, it’s still going to take a while for me to build the muscle or look the way that I want to look.

I’m getting there, I’m starting to see some progress. It’s slow. I think it’s easier when you’re younger to build to like bulk up like the Instagram dudes I see. You know, they’re like ripped, and I’m like, okay, whatever. It may take me a while to get there. But my goal is to get there eventually.

And it’s taking a while but I’m enjoying the process. Now, I’m loving the process. I’m not frustrated that it’s taking a while because I know the results will come. If I love the process, or hate the process, but I keep doing it, the results will eventually come. You can either hate every minute of it, or you can love every minute of it. The choice is yours to make.

And I see this with my clients, a lot of my weight loss clients. Because you know what? Losing weight is hard. Most diets fail and most people fail at losing weight because they’re just focused on one thing. They’re focused on the number on the scale. And when I work with people, we talk a lot about becoming the healthiest human being possible. We work on breaking old habits and creating a new, healthy lifestyle, new habits. The goal is permanent lifestyle change, not some temporary quick fix. The goal isn’t really the number on the scale, although that eventually will happen.

But it takes time. And you have to learn to love what you’re doing. This is why it’s so helpful to have a coach so anyone can just tell you what to do. You can actually go on YouTube and learn what to eat, you know.

But with a coach, you get to learn how to love the entire process. You get to learn how to change your mindset, you learn how to adopt a whole new attitude, a whole new identity around what it means to be a healthy human being.

And my clients, they learn to love themselves, they learn to love their new way of eating, their new way of approaching nutrition, and exercise and fitness. And they, they love this new life, they learn to develop the mindset required to make lasting changes. They learn to love the process, yes, they still have goals, they still want to, you know, lose 30 pounds or whatever it is.

But they’re not so focused on the goal that they hate everything about what they’re doing every day, because they’re not there yet. The results will come in time, you just got to stick with it. And it’s a lot easier to stay on track when you love what you’re doing.

Honestly, this is the key to succeeding at anything in life is to love what you’re doing, love the process, not only love yourself, but love the process of getting there. Because the reality is, when it comes to like losing weight, it does take time. You know, I often remind my clients that it took them years, decades to gain the weight, it’s not going to be gone in a couple of weeks or a couple of months.

But if you can love the process, when you learn to love this healthy new life that you’re living, when your focus is not only on a number on the scale, or some short term gains, and instead your focus is on optimizing your long term health and overall fitness, it’s still going to take the same amount of time. But it will be way more enjoyable getting there.

Another example of this is with my running lately, so I’ve been training for a rather big running event in October that I’m not really talking about too much. I’m being very vague, I know. And normally, when I have a big event like this, I dread the training, I dread it. It’s grueling. It’s very hard work. I hate the long runs.

But I’ve noticed something over the last couple of months, I’ve noticed that I have really been loving the training. It’s been fun, we’ve been going out with a few friends. I’m only running like three times a week. I’m not taking myself too seriously. I’m increasing distances. And I’m not like dreading those long runs. I’m actually looking forward to them. And without really even trying, I’ve just learned to really enjoy the process of training.

And yeah, it’s still hard. Sometimes running is hard sometimes, right? Running 18 or 20 miles will probably always be somewhat challenging. But if you hate every minute of it, if you are dreading every step, you know, you head out the door and you’re like, Oh my God, this next three hours of running is gonna suck. That’s no fun. It’s no fun at all.

So instead I’ve been loving the training, I’ve been loving the process of just going out there and doing the and putting in the work. And it’s way more fun doing it this way. I promise you it’s way more fun. When you hate the process, every moment feels like failure. But when you love the process, every moment feels like success.

The end result is the same, you’ll eventually reach your goal. But you’ll be a completely different person doing it. Alright, that’s all I got for you here. Here’s what’s coming up in our Running Lean community. September intermittent fasting challenge.

We’ve got one more training coming up and we’ll be talking about some advanced fasting methods that you might consider trying, why would we want to do these things? What’s the point? How will it benefit me as a runner? How does this help with weight loss and running? All that stuff?

I’ll talk about all that stuff next week in our September intermittent fasting challenge training. I do these on Sunday afternoons, by the way. So join us this coming Sunday for that not next week. It’s this Sunday, just so you know. And it’ll be fun to have you in the group. That’s all I got for you today. Lots of love to each and every one of you, my friends keep on Running Lean. I’ll talk to you soon

If you’ve tried to lose weight by running miles and miles or starving yourself and you’ve had zero results, you are not alone. This model of weight loss is broken. It’s never worked, and it has to be replaced. That’s why I created a powerful new training just for you called How to Become a lien running machine. You’ll discover why running more and eating less does not work for weight loss and you’ll learn the three secrets to losing weight and keeping it off for good to get this free training right now just go to runningleanpodcast.com/lean and learn how you can become lean running machine.