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261. Replay: How Your Thinking (More Than Anything Else) Determines Your Results
When it comes to fitness, so much attention is put on your actions - what you should and shouldn’t do. Eat this, not that. Lift this way, not that. Train like this, not that. I’m not suggesting …
Podcast Transcript
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster, and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Hey there, and welcome to episode 261 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, The Weight Loss Coach for Runners, and today is a replay of How Your Thinking (More Than Anything Else) Determines Your Results.
So when it comes to fitness, so much attention is put on your actions, what you should do and what you shouldn’t do, eat this, not that lift this way, not that train like this, not that. And I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t do stuff.
Of course, you got to do stuff if you want to get results, but I think you need to stop focusing all of your attention on actions and start paying much more attention to your thinking. It’s your thinking that determines whether you stick to a plan or not. It’s your thinking that keeps you going when the going gets tough.
So in this episode, it’s all about how your thinking, more than anything else, really determines your results. But first, I’ve got something exciting to share with you guys. I’ve created a brand new coaching and training program, and this is going to entail personalized running plans to help you hit all of your running goals in 2025.
This plan is available right now. So whether you’re a beginner runner and you want to do a couch to 5k program, or you’re an advanced runner and you want to crush your fastest marathon or ultra marathon, or anything in between, I’ve got a training plan for you.
You’ll get a custom training plan. This is what’s different between a lot of other running coaching plans that you find out there on the internet, where you just download a training plan, you’re going to fill out a pretty extensive questionnaire that’s going to answer a lot of questions about how you like to train, what you’re training for.
You know, what days of the week you like to run? Like what days do you like to do your long runs? So a lot of information that I’m going to gather from you, and then I will put together a customized training plan for you, so you can pick between a 12 week plan (three months), a 16 week plan (four months), or a 20 week plan (five months).
And these just depend on what race you want to train for and what distance, typically the shorter distances, 5k, 10k, half-marathon, will be 12 week plans, 16 week plans for marathons, 20 week plans for ultra marathons.
And some of the benefits of having a personalized training plan and coaching from me are that you’re going to learn how to become a stronger, faster runner. You’re going to improve your power, your speed, your endurance, you’re going to learn how to train smarter so you can avoid injury and burnout. Nobody wants that.
You’re going to learn how to fuel and hydrate properly for training and for race day, you’re going to train more consistently so you make more progress and get better results overall. You’re going to have someone there (me) holding you accountable so you’re more likely to stay on track.
You’re going to be getting feedback on all of your training runs, so you’re going to get that support of an experienced running coach guiding you every step of the way, and you’re going to benefit from an outsider’s perspective. So I can spot weaknesses in your training. I can spot areas that need improvement.
A lot of times, when you’re doing this stuff on your own, you’re just going through the motions, and you have no feedback on how you’re doing, I’ll be able to look at things, you know, pretty objectively, so that I can make some suggestions on your training and how to improve. And then we’ll put together a comprehensive race strategy for you for your spring race, or whatever time of the year you happen to be running your race, and you’re going to have somebody there that’s encouraging you, motivating you, cheering you on.
And you can find all the information and get yourself signed up. Just go to my website, runningleancoaching.com, at the very top of the page, you’re gonna see a link to Run Coaching. Just click on that and get yourself signed up.
You’re gonna fill out a questionnaire, and then I’ll get your training plan over to you, and you and I are gonna connect. We’re gonna do all of our communication via messaging, and I’ll be able to share lots of great information with you and give you feedback on all your training runs. So go to my website, runningleancoaching.com, click on Run Coaching at the very top of the page, and you can read all the information, and it’ll explain and answer all your questions.
If you still have questions, there’s a place where you can reach out to me on there, but I look forward to seeing you in my new running coaching program, and it’s called the Running Lean Training Project.
So if you want, you know, to really be able to crush your races this this whole year, you know, whether it’s in the spring, summer or fall, go have a look at the website, runningleancoaching.com, click on Run Coaching and lets you and I start working to get you to your goals.
Cool, all right, so today I wanted to talk about some mindset stuff, and I went back through some of my older episodes to see what I’ve talked about and what I haven’t talked about. And I really wanted to talk about this idea that your thinking really determines your results.
And I realized this is one of the very first episodes I did back when this was called The Running Mind podcast, because I was going to really just focus on mindset at the beginning of this whole journey of mine. And I realized that I had a lot of great information in this podcast already, so I’m just going to replay it for you here.
This is also the time of the year when I’m trying to take a little bit of time off and not doing as much podcasting and coaching and things like that. So this is a good one to put out there as a replay for you guys, because there’s a lot of good information in here, and it’s really going to go over how your thinking really determines what actions you take and don’t take, and the results that you end up getting, whether you’re trying to lose weight or get stronger or improve your running, your mindset has a lot to do with that. A lot, a lot a lot to do with that.
In fact, I would say it is probably the most important thing that you can work on, that mental fitness. And this is something that with all of my coaching clients, my private coaching clients, who were, you know, when we’re working on weight loss and, you know, strength training and improving running, that the mindset stuff we work on is probably the most important work that we do together.
And the biggest changes that people make, the biggest shifts that people make is in their mindset, and that’s what determines, you know, whether they’re going to be successful or not. So it’s one thing to know what to do, oh yeah, I should be training this way, or I need to run this many days a week, or whatever. But it’s another thing to actually have the mindset of like, This is who I am. This is what I do. This is a part of me now. This is how I live my life now.
So this is so vitally important. So I hope you get something out of this episode. This one’s, you know, for you guys to help you, you know, get into that right frame of mind as we, you know, round out the this year. As 2024 we’re coming to the end of 2024 and we’re about to start a new year. So your mindset is incredibly important. So have a listen to this one. Let me know your thoughts on this, and as always, I love you all. Keep on Running Lean and I will see you soon.
Okay, so today, we’re going to be talking about how you’re thinking more than anything else determines your results. Now we want to do a quick little recap from last week, in case you’re brand new to the podcast that this is your first time listening. Or if you just want a quick little recap, you know, like when you’re watching Netflix and they’re like, here’s what happened last week on you know, whatever it is and then they show you and you’re like oh yeah, I forgot about that. Well, that’s what I’m going to do here for you. Okay, so here’s what happened last week on The Running Mind podcast.
So you sit, you ration the circumstances in your life, the stuff that’s happening around you, is neutral, it’s always in neutral. It’s your thoughts about your situation that cause you to feel the feelings inside, okay? So you know, if you get a flat tire on your way to work, the flat tire doesn’t cause you to be pissed off. Okay, it’s your thoughts about getting the flat tire that caused the emotions, okay.
And then your thoughts about a particular situation will be different depending on how you experience the world. So whatever your model of the world it is, which is based on your past experiences, your beliefs, your values, your religious views, and on and on, these are all filters that we use to kind of, it’s how we perceive the world around us. And they’re different for everyone.
So we each have our own model of the world. We each experience, quote, unquote, reality differently. Okay, the way you interpret the circumstances in your life, that is your reality, the way that I interpret the circumstances in my life, that is my reality. So we each have a kind of a different reality. We call this the model of the world, your model of the world.
But the empowering part about this is that you get to create your own reality, and everyone else does, too. So what you actually think is like, just the way it is, isn’t the same for me, it’s not the same for everybody else. Just the way it is, is the way it is for you. Okay.
And an example I gave was like, if you are running a marathon, and you get a cramp in your calf at mile 18 and it hurts, and you have to stop and walk. So that’s just a circumstance, that’s just what is happening. You can choose for it to mean nothing, no big deal. I’m going to finish a little bit slower than I thought. Or you can choose it to mean, I’m an utter failure. I can’t, you know, ever be successful at running a marathon. I can’t believe I had to walk. I’m a terrible person. I’m unworthy.
Yeah, the cramp in your leg is not causing those feelings. Okay? This is what you’re thinking about it. All right. So situations are always neutral. There’s just circumstances in your life, your thoughts, you get to choose your thoughts. That’s your thinking, which causes you to feel emotions, and emotions are those one word things like anger, sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, even like joy, happiness, confidence, love. These are all emotions that we feel based on how we think.
Okay, then today, we’re going to fill in the last two pieces of this puzzle, which is actions and results, okay. So your thinking causes your feelings, your feelings, determine your actions, okay? And then your actions, the actions that you take, determine the results that you get. Okay?
So let’s talk a little bit about actions. Actions, our actions are the stuff you do. Actions are the behaviors that you engage in the steps that you take. Actions can also be stuff you don’t do. Now, inaction is a form of behavior, right? Or an action. So every action you take is driven by your feelings.
And you might be thinking, Well, no, I just, you know, I do things because I know I have to or whatever, but think about this for a second. Have you ever gone out? And just like you went for like a 10 mile run? And you’re like, I don’t know, when I did that, I just felt like it. Right? Or if you’re, if you’re Forrest Gump, and it’s like, why have you been running for so long? I don’t know. I just felt like running.
Or maybe you were supposed to go out for a training run and it was like cold and rainy and you’re like, I don’t really feel like it today. So your feelings about the situation are determining what you’re going to do or not do? Okay? Another example is like, people with depression, they often don’t feel like doing anything, you know, and hear me out on this like depression is a diagnosed mental disorder. And I’m not saying it’s something you can just turn on and off with your thinking.
But, you know, depression is caused by things like you know, it’s biological, psychological and social sources of distress cause depression, the definition. You know, the Google definition of depression is a mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life. In other words, if you have depression, you don’t feel like doing anything. You have a lot of loss of interest in activities.
And I’m not saying this is all there is to it, but it’s part of it. It’s part of the equation of depression. But think about this for a minute. If you’re feeling lonely, if you’re feeling sad, or depressed or unworthy, how are you going to show up in the world? What actions are you more likely to take? Or what are you not going to do?
You know, how are you going to show up for work? For your partner, for your kids? What behaviors good or bad do you think you’ll partake in? If you’re feeling lonely, sad, depressed and unworthy? My guess is that you’re probably going to take some negative actions, you’re gonna engage in some negative behaviors, you probably make some poor choices, you might even, you know, start doing some escape-ism stuff, you know, checking out and numbing.
But what if you felt differently inside? Like, what if you felt feelings of confidence? What if you felt feelings of contentment, of peace? What if you were grateful and happy? How would these feelings determine your actions? What do you think you would do if you felt that way?
You know, what actions would you be more likely to take? And then think about how you would show up for work if you were feeling that way? How would you show up for your partner or for your kids? How would you show up for your training runs? What do you think you would do or not do?
So it’s so important to understand that, you know, everything that we do, we do because we are feeling a certain way. And a lot of times, you know, there’s things we do, because we don’t want to feel that way anymore. So this is like in painful situations. We can engage in some, you know, I call it like escapist or escapism, numbing behaviors, you know, overeating, drinking too much. lethargy, you know, spending money.
A lot of people, you know, shop, they have that shopping addiction. And I’m not making fun of that, but I saw this meme recently that I thought was pretty funny. And at the top of it, it just said, you know, therapist says, “Now, what do we say when we’re feeling sad?” And then the patient says, “Add to Cart”. The therapist was like, “No”.
But it’s true, it makes us feel good, we get that little hit of dopamine when we purchase something, or when we, you know, have that drink, or take that particular drug or eat the french fries, and the burger and the milkshake. You know, it makes us feel good temporarily. It does help us to not feel the feelings of pain or sadness, or loneliness, or unworthiness or whatever.
And it does work, it works for a minute, it kind of makes the pain go away temporarily, but then when that little buzz wears off, the pain is back. And then it becomes worse, because now we beat ourselves up about engaging in this bad behavior. And then the cycle just continues. So our feelings can really determine that our feelings really determine our actions.
And we have to be careful about the kinds of actions we take when we’re feeling certain ways, okay. And then these behaviors that we engage in can become habits after a while, and they can actually form new neural pathways in our brains. And so they can become easier to do over you know, over time, they become easier and easier to do these things, they become habits, and they become part of our subconscious.
And this can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the behavior. Okay. So just to kind of summarize what I’m talking about with actions, your actions are the things we do or don’t do, they are the behaviors we engage in, or don’t engage in, they are good or bad behaviors. And then it’s our actions that actually determine all of our results. Okay.
So results are the things that you get in your life, or the things that you want in your life. These are usually tangible and measurable. So results can be things like, hey, I ran a half marathon and under two hours, that’s a tangible measurable result. I lost 10 pounds. I got a promotion at work. I made $100,000 last year, these are all tangible, measurable results.
Something like there’s a little bit of a gray area, but it’s like I have a great relationship with my partner. So that could be an opinion. But you could quantify that by saying, like, oh, we communicate clearly and openly and regularly, we work through all of our issues. You know, we spend quality time together, we speak each other’s love languages, that could be a measurable way of saying that that is a result that you have, okay, but every result that you get in your life is determined by action you’ve taken or your inaction, okay?
So what you do, or don’t do, determines what you get, or don’t get. And if you want different results in your life, if you want something to change, you have to take different actions, right, the definition of insanity, that’s doing the same things over and over and over expecting different results.
And the crazy thing is like, we all do this, we’ve all done this at some point in our life, right? You know, I just, I’m going to keep training the same way, every season for my marathon, and I’m not getting any faster. And it’s still way, super hard. But I’m not changing my diet, I’m not changing my training plan, I’m not doing anything different. And I keep getting the same results. Why is this happening to me?
It’s like, Hey, you gotta switch some stuff up, right? But what we do, determines what we get. And what we do is driven by how we feel. So if you want to change your actions, you’re going to have to change how you feel. First, you have to change the emotions that you’re feeling. And since your thoughts determine your feelings, you’re gonna have to change your thinking first. So basically, what I’m saying here is if you want different results in your life, you have to change your thinking, Okay?
How you’re thinking more than anything else is going to determine your results, how you think about your situation, or how you think about, you know, whether you can do this thing or not, you know, if you think I remember when I sign up for my Ironman, that was a big deal for me back then. I was scared to death.
I hit the, you know, submit button when I paid for it, which was like $700, by the way. So there was fear. And there was like, a sense of like, am I doing the right thing here? But anyway, I was full of fear, like, can I do this? Can I accomplish this really hard thing? I mean, it’s a crazy event, you know?
And so I had to change my thinking, at some point, I had to sort of become an Ironman, like I had to, you know, get into the thinking of like, Yes, I can do this, in order for me to get those results. Because if I thought the whole time, like, there’s no way I can do this, there’s no way I can do this. There’s no way I can do this.
Guess what? When I show up at the starting line, my habitual thought patterns and feelings around this are all going to be I can’t do this. That’s a terrible way to approach something like that. So instead, I had this thought of like, I’m going to do this, I am going to do this, I can do this. You know, I was still nervous and fearful and things like that. But I pushed through that. I thought and felt in my heart that I could do it. And I did. Okay, so here’s a great question. Ask yourself, what do you want? Seriously, what do you want? See, very powerful question. And unfortunately, we don’t really take it very seriously. But think about it, like maybe you want to run a full marathon someday.
Or maybe you want to start your own business. But you’re thinking like, I could never do a full marathon like, I’m just I’m not capable of that. Or I would love to start my own business, but it just seems so complicated. I just don’t know enough. You know, or maybe what you want is a better relationship with your husband, or you want that promotion at work or you want to start your own business or you want to hike the Appalachian Trail you want to vacation in Italy.
Or you want to spend a month on a tiny island in the middle of the South Pacific. Seriously, that’s what I want. I want to spend a month on some remote little island in the middle of the South Pacific Ocean. That’s what I want. But think about it, like what do you want in your life? Start asking yourself that question seriously, and figure out the answer, figure out what it is that you want. Because it’s a very, very important question.
So I’m going to give you guys a little writing exercise this week. And this is going to help you to see how this all works. I’m gonna give you an example here in a minute, but it’ll help you to see how this works. But it will also help you to start in creating some new realities for yourself and start getting some results that you want. And when you start doing this work on a regular basis, you will start to create better habits, and you’ll start to create those new neural pathways like I was talking about.
So here’s the exercise I want you to do, I want you to think about something that you really, really want, okay? And just write it down. And then write down all the thoughts you have about that thing, just brain dump everything out on the page doesn’t matter, good, bad. Otherwise, just break down everything you’re thinking about. It’s really interesting, when you start doing this, to see what it is, your thoughts are around something like that, you’re going to surprise yourself with what you’re actually thinking.
And then write down how those thoughts make you feel. You know, some might make you feel good, some might make you feel terrible, but just write down the feelings you’re feeling. You know, the emotion words, those one word emotion words. And then think about the actions that you’re taking or not taking because of those feelings. And then are those actions going to get you the result that you want? Are those actions going to get you what you want or not? Okay?
So that is like step one is to write down all that stuff. And then what you want to do is on a separate piece of paper, you know, write down that thing that you want again, but then, you know, write down what you want to think instead, the thoughts that would make you feel differently. You know, a lot of times, it’s going to be kind of the opposite of some of those thoughts that you had that maybe the negative thoughts.
So write down the thoughts you want to think instead. And then write down the emotions that those thoughts cause you to feel. And then write down the actions that one might take, because of those feelings, and then see if that is going to move you closer to that thing that you want. And I think you’re going to find some very interesting results from this. So here’s an example. I want to spend a month on a tiny little tropical island in the middle of the South Pacific. Okay, that’s what I want.
My initial thoughts when I just think about it is, oh, my gosh, that’s gonna be really expensive. I don’t think I can afford it. I don’t know if I can be away from home for that long. I would really want somebody to go with me, but I’m not sure who so I don’t know, do I just go alone? That sounds lame.
And I just don’t know if you guys need to know this or not. I’m going through a divorce right now. It’ll be finalized soon. I’m doing good. I’m doing pretty good through all that. But when I talk about things, like, you know, maybe I should go alone or find somebody to go with me. I’m not cheating on anybody. Just so you know. Okay.
So those thoughts are like, it’s expensive. I don’t know if I could be away from that long. Who should I go? You know, who would want to go with me? Do I just pick a friend? I don’t know. Maybe I go alone? What are those thoughts cause me to feel well, they caused me to feel fear, like financial fear, like, oh my gosh, I don’t know if I can spend that much money. You know, there’s that fear of the unknown of uncertainty.
Then I’m feeling things like loneliness and sadness about it. Because if I go by myself, is that lame? Does that make me feel sad? Maybe? And then what actions would I take? Because of those feelings? Probably nothing, I probably wouldn’t do anything.
And what are you thinking about this right now, as I’m saying this to you? Are you thinking like, do you just go? It’s going to be so much fun. What a fun adventure. I know, that’s what you’re thinking. And I’m kind of thinking that too. And I’m looking at this and going like, I don’t want to feel those feelings. You know, if this is something that’s important to me that I want to do, I need to take some different actions, I need to feel differently, I need to think about it differently.
So the results I would get would be nothing. I wouldn’t go on this trip. I just wouldn’t do it. Now. Piece of paper number two. Let’s say I write the same thing on there. I want to spend a month on a tropical island in the middle of the South Pacific. What thoughts would I want to think instead? Well, first of all, I can probably save money for this. It wouldn’t take that long. You know I can work, get out so that everything is covered from a work perspective, you know, get all that stuff covered. Because I don’t think I’m gonna have access to the internet in this place. I think I just want to be unplugged.
You know, workout, social connections and meetings. And although I can get my schedule figured out, my schedule is flexible on purpose. So I can do things like this. And I bet I could find someone to go with me. I mean, who wouldn’t want to go to a tropical island for a month with me? It would be amazing. Are you kidding me? So oh, my God, he’s so amazing. I could even go alone and just make it an opportunity for me to like, really discover myself. I mean, that sounds right there.
When I say it like that. It’s like, Whoa, that sounds so cool and empowering. And how does that make me feel? Oh, my God, now I’m feeling excited and adventurous. And it sounds like fun. I’m feeling joyful, and even grateful. Grateful for my schedule, grateful for these kinds of opportunities. And I’m even feeling a little bit of fear. But it’s okay. It’s like, it’s fear. But I know, it’s like, the fear of like, of the unknown. And that’s okay, like, I can handle that.
All right, then what actions would I take based on those feelings? Well, oh, my gosh, I’m gonna start planning this thing, I’m gonna start a savings fund, I’m gonna grab a map and start figuring out what island I want to go to and figure out how to get there, gotta take all these little planes or whatever, and I’m going to talk to some friends and find somebody to come with me.
And then, you know, the two of us will start talking about it and planning together and all that into anticipation. And all the planning just sounds so fun. Like, that’s the kind of action that I want to take. And then the result would be that I go on this life changing adventure to this little island, you know, and it all starts with thinking about it differently. You know, so that result that I want in my life, that thing that I want, I can get that and I can see how I can get that by changing my thoughts by changing my feelings and changing my actions.
I feel I want to go on this trip now. I’m gonna have to do that. And like keep you guys posted as to what is happening with that, because this would be amazing. So here’s a quick recap. circumstances in our life, the situations where it’s always neutral. Okay, we get to choose our thoughts about how we feel about each situation, okay, choose our thoughts.
And then our thinking determines our feelings and our emotions, our emotion. Our emotions drive our feelings. I’m sorry, our emotions, drive our actions or inaction. And then those actions determine the results that we get. And if you want different results, you got to change your thinking, okay.
So there’s like five little components to this, these little five things, you learn these five things, and you’re gonna learn how to master your mindset, for running and for life. Okay, I hope you’re seeing how this all fits together. This is the secret to the universe.
Seriously, if you understand this, and you start to really grasp these concepts, and understand how this works, you are going to live a more empowered life, you’re going to start getting what you want in your life. And you’re going to start feeling amazing. And you’re going to start doing amazing things and start getting amazing results. Cool.
You can always drop comments on my posts there too, or send me a message or whatever. I’d love to hear from you. I love connecting with you guys individually. I love hearing how you’re thinking about this stuff and how it’s changing the way you’re thinking and seeing the world. And I would love to hear about the results that you’re getting. Cool. I hope you all have an amazing day. Much love to each and every one of you and I’ll see you next time
254. How Do I Know If I’m Self-Sabotaging?
Just about all of us will eventually engage in some type of self-sabotaging behavior. Most of the time though, you don't know when you’re doing it. Self-sabotage is often confused with failure, …
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Podcast Transcript
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, sports nutritionist, Master life coach and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you, properly fuel your body and your mind so you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Hey there, and welcome to Episode 254 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners and today, How Do I Know If I’m Self Sabotaging? So just about all of us will eventually engage in some type of self sabotaging behavior, eventually, most of the time, though, you probably don’t even know that you’re doing it. Self Sabotage is often confused with failure, with feeling stuck, or maybe even just laziness. It’s actually pretty subtle sometimes, but knowing what it looks like is an important first step in eliminating self sabotage from your life. So in this episode, I’m gonna answer this question, how do I know if I’m self sabotaging so that you can start making progress towards your goals again.
But first, if you’ve ever considered coaching, now is an amazing time to get started for most of us. This is the off season. This is the perfect time to get started with a new diet plan, with a new strength regimen with a renewed love for running and a new running plan if you’re interested in getting leaner, getting stronger, running faster, running longer. Now is a perfect time to get started with that. Coaching is going to give you all the guidance, the knowledge, the direction, the feedback, the support, the accountability that you need to reach your goals. Like I said, it’s a great time to get started, because we are in the off season. Once your training starts in January, then it’s kind of it’s not too late to get started, but you definitely want to have a good leg up on your nutrition plan and your strength plan and your running plan before we start with our marathon, half marathon training in January. So just know that this is a great time to get started. And if you’ve been putting this off, consider coaching. Now. All you got to do is go to my website, runningleancoaching.com, and then click on work with me. When you click on that link, you’re gonna fill out this short little application. She’s got a couple questions on there, and then you and I will get on a zoom call, and we’ll have a conversation. You get to talk to me live. I don’t have anybody else doing this for me. You and I will have a conversation, and we’ll talk about what it would look like, what coaching would look like for you, and how we can get you to those goals, like, what are the different areas we need to work on and what this might look like for you. It doesn’t cost anything to get on this call with me. It’s completely free. I love doing this. I do it all the time. You’re not going to waste anybody’s time. You’ll get something out of the call too. So just go to my website, runningleancoaching.com, click on work with me, and let’s get on a call. We’ll have a conversation about coaching. Cool.
Okay, so this topic is an interesting one, because I had a client recently ask me, like, how do I know if I’m self sabotaging? How do I know that it’s self sabotage, that I’m doing this to myself versus just failing at something, you know? And I thought it was a really good question, and it got me really thinking that, you know, not only could she benefit from us having this conversation, but I think everybody else can too, because I think we all, at some point in our lives, engage in some sort of self sabotaging behavior. I want to, I’m hoping by the end of this episode, that you understand what self sabotaging looks like, so that you can make better decisions and make better choices and start making progress towards your goals.
So self sabotage is one of these things that you might have a goal like to lose weight or to run faster, and you’re making some progress towards that goal. You’re trying to eat healthy, you know, you’re trying to do your speed work. You’re trying to run five days a week. And then the self sabotaging behavior is doing things for that progress. It’s doing things like eating a bunch of cake for dinner when you’re supposed to be eating chicken and broccoli. That’s called self sabotage, because you’re doing something that is not in alignment with your long term goals.
Now there’s a couple of definitions. If you look up the definition of self sabotage, and I’ll read a couple of these definitions, because I think it’s kind of interesting. Self Sabotage refers to behaviors or thought patterns that hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do. Self Sabotage is when you consciously or unconsciously undermine your thoughts, dreams, goals and desires. So self sabotage is essentially patterns of thoughts, patterns of behaviors that hold you back, keep you stuck or prevent you from reaching your goals.
And I’m going to kind of distill this down into this, any action that you’re taking that is not in alignment with your goals is self sabotage. Taking action that goes against a desired outcome is self sabotage. Doing things or not doing things that thwarts your progress is self sabotage. Now the difference between self sabotage and just pure failing is that failing is different.
Failing is just trying something that didn’t work. Back in the day, I used an app to track my food to try to lose weight, like I was tracking my macros, my calories, my protein, my fats, carbs, all this stuff. And I did this for like, a year, and I tried, and I did, I would. I was very diligent with this, and I tried this with my whole heart, like I put everything into it, and for a year, and I didn’t lose any weight, you know, it just, it didn’t work. So that’s a failure. You know, I wasn’t doing something that was not in alignment with my goals. I was actually doing something that I thought would help with with my goals, would help me get there.
A lot of people were telling me, oh, you need to track all your food. You need to track all your calories. That’s how you lose weight. Well, guess what? It didn’t work for me. So that’s a failure, where you try something and it doesn’t work, you know? You may have tried to run a faster marathon, like you’re trying to PR your marathon, and you did all the speed work, you did everything you wanted to do, and then the day came and you just didn’t have it, you know. And maybe there’s all kinds of reasons you can come up with, but you just fell short. That’s a failure. You tried something, you put in the work, you did everything you thought you could do, and it didn’t work for you. So that is just pure and simple, a failure.
All right, hopefully we learn from these failures. You know, I learned something from my food tracking experiment that didn’t work for me, so I tried something else. But these things are not self sabotage because they’re not going against your long term goals. You’re actually engaging in behavior that you think is going to help you, that you think is actually going to help you to achieve those things, but it doesn’t work. And this is cool, because that’s part of the process of trying something. When you change your diet and you want to lose weight, you’re going to try some things that may or may not work for you. You’re gonna eat some foods that don’t agree with you. Or you’re gonna, you know, track your food or not track your food. You’re going to, you know, try low carb or, you know, high fat or whatever it is. And some of these things work for people, and some of them don’t like there’s no such thing as the perfect diet that’s going to work for everybody.
So there’s a little bit of trial and error there. There’s a little bit of, you know, I’m going to try something and possibly fail, and it’s okay if you fail. Failure is part of the process. You know, it’s just, you’re learning things that don’t work for you. So that is not self sabotage, that is just trying something that didn’t work. Okay? So that’s what failure is.
Self Sabotage is different. Self Sabotage is when you’re doing things, you’re taking action or not taking action. So it’s either action or inaction that goes against what you really want for yourself. So it’s eating ice cream every day. When you want to lose 30 pounds, eating the ice cream is not in alignment with your goal like and I think we can all agree on that, that if you want to lose some weight, then maybe just skip the ice cream for a while, because eating the ice cream constantly is just going to keep your body storing that fat, and it’s, you’re not going to lose the weight if you keep doing that, for the most part, if you could eat ice cream and lose weight, that’s amazing. Keep doing that.
Let’s say you want to run a faster marathon, half marathon, whatever, and you’re just avoiding all the speed work because you don’t like it, because it’s uncomfortable, because it’s hard, because it sucks. Okay, that could be a form of self sabotage, because you’re not doing something that you need to do in order to accomplish this goal. So when you decide, I’m not going to do the speed work, then that’s something that is not in alignment with your goal of running your fastest half marathon, Marathon, 5k whatever it is.
So if you really want to know if what you’re doing is self sabotage, the first thing you need to ask yourself is, are these things I’m doing or not doing? Are these things in alignment with my long term goals? So how do you know if you’re self sabotaging? That’s the first way. Is just like, is this action that I’m taking moving me close? Closer to my goal or further away. If what I’m doing has the ability to move me closer to my goal, like doing the speed work, if you do the speed work, you should get faster if you’re doing it properly. So it’s an action that should move you towards your goal. Now, whether it does or not, that’s a whole ‘nother story.
But taking the action that’s supposed to move you towards that goal, if you if you do that regularly, you should see those results. So that should move you closer to that goal of running a faster half or full, if you’re taking action that moves you further away from that goal, like not doing the speed work, like I’m just going to run slow for the next four months. Okay, that’s probably not going to get you faster. I think we can all agree that that would be a form of self sabotage.
Okay, so just understand that one way of knowing whether or not what you’re doing or not doing is self sabotage, is this thing in alignment with what I really want for myself? Is this moving me further closer to my goal or further away from my goal?
Another way to know if what you’re doing is self sabotaging is think about where you are putting the blame. So a lot of people will do things or not do things, and they will not take personal responsibility for their behavior. So instead of owning everything that they do and owning all of their results, whether they are good or bad, they blame everything outside of themselves. Okay, so there’s there’s reasons, there’s excuses, there’s stories as to why they can’t get the results that they want.
You know, it’s like saying, you know, I couldn’t, you know, stick to my food plan because I was on a work trip, or, you know, I was really stressed out last week, or, you know, it’s football season, where my parents were visiting, or I was sick, or life’s just been crazy these last few months. Really, okay, that’s, I’m sorry to hear that, but these are just excuses. They’re things that are, that are a lot of times, you know, kind of out of your control. They’re outside of you. They really don’t have any bearing on the food that you put in your mouth. Okay, very, very, very, few times in our lives, do we not have a choice on what we put in our mouth? A lot of times you can just choose not to eat something, you know, but, but we don’t. We say, oh, it was the only option that I had available. Oh, I was on this trip. Oh, I was, you know, really stressed out. Or, you know, we were watching the game, and we had, you know, people over watching the football game, and all these things are just excuses as to why you didn’t stick to your plan.
And so when you start blaming anything outside of yourself for what you’re getting or not getting, then that is a form of self sabotage, because you’re not, you’re not taking personal responsibility. You’re blaming anything but yourself for your results or lack of results. Once you start taking radical responsibility, and I mean owning everything, every decision you make, every result that you get or don’t get, then you can begin to stop that self sabotaging.
So another way that we sell sabotage is just blaming other people, having excuses, stories, reasons why we can’t do what we want to do, or why we can’t stick to our plan, why we can’t do our speed work, why we can’t train for that marathon, whatever. So just be mindful of this, that once you start saying, you know, I couldn’t do this because of XYZ, what are those reasons? And are they outside of you? And if they are outside of you, you’re probably engaging in some sort of self sabotaging behavior another way, and this one is kind of subtle.
But another way that a lot of people self sabotage is they put things off. They don’t start something. They procrastinate. Because when you put something off, when you procrastinate, you’re basically taking the easy way out. You know, because when you have to start something like, let’s say, you want to lose weight, and in order to lose weight, you know you have to change your diet. So eating a healthy diet, or maybe, like training for a marathon, this stuff is hard, it is uncomfortable. So instead of actually starting that hard, uncomfortable thing, what you’re doing is saying, You know what, I’m going to start tomorrow, or I’m going to start next month, or I’m going to wait till after the holidays, and all of that is just you avoiding the discomfort of change.
If you constantly put something off until later, you never have to change your behavior. You never have to get out of your comfort zone. You never have to learn new habits or break old ones, and you never have to worry about failing, because failing is hard. It feels terrible, so if you never start, you never have to worry about failing.
So most self sabotaging behavior, and even the stuff I’ve been talking about so far, is just your brain trying to stay safe and comfortable. Your brain is programmed to seek pleasure and avoid pain, seek comfort and avoid discomfort, do what’s familiar and avoid anything unfamiliar. You’re programmed to stay in your comfort zone. When you self sabotage, it’s just your brain trying to avoid anything unsafe, anything unfamiliar, anything uncomfortable.
But when you stay in your comfort zone. What happens? Do you grow? No, do you change? No? Do you level up? No? Do you evolve? Do you become more; do you accomplish all those things that you want? No, because growth happens outside of your comfort zone. That means that if you want to grow, if you want to change, if you want to run faster, if you want to lose weight, if you want to be become the most badass version of yourself, it is going to require you to get uncomfortable, and if you constantly avoid discomfort, that is a classic form of self sabotaging, almost all self sabotaging behavior is you avoiding the uncomfortable.
So when you’re doing things that aren’t alignment with your long term goals, what you’re doing is you’re just staying comfortable because doing those things are hard, when you blame other people, or, yeah, blame other people, or other things, situations outside of yourself, for not getting the results that you want. This is easier. It’s comfortable because you can’t do anything about it. You’re just a victim here. So you can stay small and you can stay comfortable. You can stay in your comfort zone, putting things off until later. Oh, I’m not going to do that now. I’ll wait till later. Then you never have to start anything. You never have to embrace the discomfort. You can stay in your cozy little blanket called your comfort zone.
When you do that, though, you don’t level up. I’m just telling you if there’s things that you want for yourself, if you want to lose weight, if you want to run faster, if you want to train for and run a marathon. This is not something that is easy to do. Is going to require a few months of discomfort. You know, there’s going to be a few months of like, long runs, running in the cold, especially when we train in the winter, running in the snow, running in the rain, whatever, you’re going to have to level yourself up. You’re going to have to go outside and run when you don’t feel like it. You’re going to have to stick to a running plan, even though you don’t feel like it, even though it’s hard, even though it’s uncomfortable. What’s the reward? The reward is you ran a marathon. You did something that seemed impossible for you, you evolved. You became more. You know that’s what you want to be focusing on. So stop staying comfortable. Stop seeking comfort.
Here’s your homework for this week, so to speak. I want you to take a look at these different areas of your life, especially when it comes to your health and fitness. What are you doing or not doing? And are these things you’re doing or not doing? Are they in alignment with your goals. If they’re not, how are you seeking comfort in these situations, or how are you avoiding discomfort? So start really thinking about that with everything that you do, how you approach your your strength training, how you approach running, how you approach your diet. Is it something that is in alignment with your goals or not? If you find yourself constantly doing things that sabotage your own success, you may want to look at how you are avoiding discomfort in these different areas.
Okay, then ask yourself, how can I start embracing the discomfort. How can I start leaning into the discomfort so that I can stop this self sabotaging behavior and actually make progress towards those goals?
Okay, that’s your homework for this week. Look at what you’re doing. See where you’re avoiding discomfort and just trying to stay safe and comfortable. And then I want to encourage you to get out of your comfort zone. That’s the only way you’re going to become more and level up. Cool.
All right, that’s all I got for you today. Love you all. Keep on Running Lean and I will talk to you soon.
252. Practicing the Art of Discipline
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244. Motivation Strategies to Keep You Moving Forward
If you have a big goal like losing weight and keeping it off, then you know it is going to take a while to reach that goal. One of the main reasons people don’t reach their weight loss goal is that …
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Podcast Transcript
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, sports nutritionist, Master life coach and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind so you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Hey there and welcome to episode 244 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners and today, Motivation Strategies to Keep You Moving Forward. If you have a big goal like losing weight and keeping it off, that’s a pretty big goal, then you know it’s going to take a while for you to reach that goal. And one of the main reasons why people don’t reach their weight loss goal is that they lose motivation. They do okay for a few weeks or a few months, and then all that motivation they had at the beginning, it’s gone, and they give up on themselves. It’s very common. The interesting thing is that there are different motivation strategies that work for different people. Not everyone responds to the same type of motivation. So today I’ve got a few motivation strategies to keep you moving forward so you can actually achieve all those big goals.
But first, one of the reasons why I became a coach is because I had such amazing experiences working with different coaches. I’ve had a business coach, I’ve had a fitness coach, I’ve had a nutrition coach, and all of these coaches helped me achieve things that I could not do on my own. Coaching is one of those things that has dramatically changed my life and elevated me to the next level in my health and my fitness, in my business. And I decided I want to help people too. I want to, I want to give people the gift of coaching, because coaching works where a lot of other methods don’t work, like particular diets, like you can buy a diet book and read it and know what to do, but it doesn’t give you what coaching gives you. What coaching gives you is a dynamic learning process, a feedback process of trying something, seeing how it works, getting some feedback from your coach, getting some guidance to help you either move in a slightly different direction or keep going in the same direction. Coaching gives you results where a lot of other methods, they just fall short, because all they’re doing is showing you the what they don’t help you tap into why you’re doing what you’re doing they don’t help you tap into self motivation, self awareness, the changes in mindset that are required to help you reach these long term goals and on and on and on. So for me, coaching was one of those things that I was like, I just want to do this, because I want to be able to help people the way that these people have helped me. So if you want some help, consider coaching, just go to my website, runningleanpodcast.com, click on, work with me. Cool.
Okay. Why am I talking about this today? So I have heard from a lot of people who say that they they get really motivated at the beginning of a process, like they decide they want to change their diet or start running or lose some weight, they want to train for a marathon, whatever it is. And they do really well for a while, but then at some point, that motivation just starts to fade, and it goes away, and then they quit, because the motivation is no longer there.
And just so you guys have a little point of reference here. I did a whole episode. I’ve done a couple of episodes on the podcast on motivation. One that I want you to check out. It was episode number 188, called the Cycle of Unstoppable Motivation. And I take a deep dive into how we take action to create results, and how those results help us to build confidence, and that confidence helps us to create more motivation. So it all talks about getting yourself into this cycle of what I call unstoppable motivation. So you can definitely check out that episode. I think it’s going to help. Help to enhance what I’m going to talk about today, because what I’m talking about today is a little bit different.
I have not really talked about this before. I don’t think on the podcast for sure, but different people get motivated differently and from different things in their lives, okay? And a lot of people who start out something, and then find themselves quitting after some time, a lot of times, they’ll say, oh, I just lost my motivation. So motivation is one of those things that we need, and it’s important that we have it. And one of the things that I want to talk about today is how we can best determine what type of motivation strategy works for us as an individual.
I want to just give you a quick definition of what motivation is. So motivation is the general desire or willingness of someone to do something. That’s it. It’s just a desire to do something. It’s like you feel like you want to do something. That’s motivation. That’s all you know. If you feel like you want to sit down and watch Netflix, that’s motivation. You’re motivated to go sit on the couch and watch Netflix. If you’re motivated to go for a run, then that’s a motivation for you. You have a desire to go for a run. So that’s that’s all that it is really but there are two main types of motivation that we all tend to experience. We all tend to have these two types of motivation. Some people are more apt to gravitate towards one or the other type of motivation. So I’m going to get into these here in just a second. But just understand that while I’m talking about this, I want you to think about yourself and think about which of these kind of applies to you.
Okay, so the first type of motivation that I want to talk about is something called away motivation. This is where you are motivated to move away from something that you don’t want. So an example of this might be you looked at yourself in the mirror naked recently, and you decided you don’t want to look like that anymore. You do not want that, you see a picture of yourself, you know, somebody posted a picture of you on Facebook, and you’re like, oh my god, you know, I don’t want to be that person anymore. So that is what we call an away motivation. You want to move away from something that you don’t want.
You know, it could be you don’t want to be the slowest person in your running group anymore, like or, you know, you don’t want to be somebody who can’t make the cutoff time of a certain race. Those are things you don’t want, and these things can be very motivating for some people. Some people are very motivated by what they don’t want, and it can be very helpful, especially to get you started with something like to get started in making some changes and doing some things differently. So having something that you want to move away from can be actually, can be good. Okay, so there’s not all bad, but it can be good.
The problem is that a lot of people may not take any action towards a goal until things get really bad, like they have to sort of hit a rock bottom first before they’re willing to take action. So they might be okay seeing themselves in pictures, and they’re a little bit overweight. They’re like, Oh, I’m cute. I’m chubby, whatever you know, I’m getting a little fluffy. I’m eating a little doughy, whatever you know might be cute, but then they finally see themselves, and they’re like, Oh my God, I’ve gained 100 pounds. Like, I’m obese at this point, you know? And that might be something where they’ve finally hit the rock bottom, or wherever you want to call it, not that that’s bad or anything like that. But you know what I’m saying? Like, it just may be one of those things where it takes a while before you’re going to get inspired to take action, because you know what you want to move away from is not painful enough for you yet. Okay?
The other kind of problem with people who are primarily away motivated is that they’re not really focused on an end goal. They know what they don’t want, but they don’t really know what they do want. Oh, I don’t want to look like that anymore. I don’t want to be slow anymore. So what? What they’re there. They may be motivated to move away from that, but don’t really have any direction. So they’re, they’re sort of, you know, in limbo, in a way, you know, they’re, they’re kind of like traveling towards some goal out there, but they really don’t have a clear idea of what that is. And there may be no end in sight.
It just may be, they’re just taking some steps, kind of willy nilly, and they’re getting some results here and there, but they’re really not focused on a particular point in the future or a particular version of themselves that they want to move towards. And so because of that, usually people who are primarily away motivated, they don’t get all the way to their goal because of this lack of direction, this lack of consistency, this lack of focus, this lack of long term goals that are very clear. So just keep that in mind. If you’re somebody who’s primarily away motivated, you may be doing some things and you feel like you’re just kind of like not making much progress, and you can never really reach a goal, and you end up stopping and starting and stopping and starting. This can be because you don’t have that clear purpose and focus and direction.
Also, people who are primarily away motivated find that this whole process can feel very stressful and anxiety inducing because they’re so focused on this version of themselves that they don’t want to be anymore, that it’s constantly putting them under this place of stress, and they’re stressed out about it, and they’re anxious about it, and it fills them with, you know, fear and dread, and that’s not a good place for a lot of people to be. Some people respond well with that, and a little bit of that is okay, a little bit of stress is okay, but too much of it, and you can kind of, it’s too much, and then then you end up quitting because you don’t want to be living your life so stressed out all the time.
Okay? So this is what we call away motivated people, or away motivation strategy. And so there are some negatives to the away motivation strategy, but there’s a couple points that are actually okay.
The other type of motivation strategy that a lot of people gravitate towards is the toward motivation. Okay, this is the type of motivation where you are motivated by moving toward what you do want. So an example, again, if you want to lose weight and keep it off, then your end goal is what you’re really focused on. You’re focused on where you want to be in the future. You’re focused on a goal weight. You have this idea of what your life is going to look like. You have this very clear image in your mind, this vision of your future self, and that is what you’re focused on.
So people who are primarily toward motivated are much more likely to continue or to take action, because things don’t have to be super bad to get them started with stuff, right? They can, they can tend to take more action earlier. They take action earlier. They know where they’re headed, because they know what it’s going to look like when they get there. They have a very clear vision of what they want for themselves, where they’re going, what that goal looks like.
So it’s very directional, right? You know where you’re going, you know where you’re headed, and because of this, you tend to take more consistent action, more consistent aligned action, because you’re taking action that is in alignment with those goals that you have for yourself, so you’re much more likely to make progress and much more likely to just reach your goals. And this type of motivation isn’t really stressful or anxiety inducing or is not as much as the away motivated type of strategy is.
So it can be a little bit stressful if you’re just focused on the gap between where you are today and where you want to be if you’re focused on where you’re not. So it helps to, you know, remember that you make progress, and that you know you’ve come a long way, and that you’re making baby steps, and you’ll get there eventually. Like all those things will help you to not feel as like, so anxious about not being where you want to be.
But so those are the two main types of motivation strategies. You know, we’ve got away. Would you want to move away from the things that you don’t want, that person you don’t want to be, those things you don’t want in your life anymore? And then the other one is moving toward, like, if you’re toward motivated, then you’re more motivated to move toward a future goal.
There’s a third option, though, and now third option is what we call the mixed motivation strategy. And this one’s interesting because it is a combination of the two. When you combine these two motivation strategies, which a lot of people do, then you kind of like, this is kind of like rocket fuel for you moving towards your goals, because you are propelling yourself away from what you don’t want. You’re propelling yourself toward what you do want, and so you’re using sort of the best of both of these types of motivation strategies to, you know, just launch you towards your goals.
So you want to combine some of that away motivation that’ll help you to get started and know very clearly what you don’t want, and you want some of that toward motivation, which is where you’re getting consistent action, where you have direction, where you’re headed towards a goal, where you’re not getting yourself completely stressed out in the process. So this third strategy is where you are consistently moving away from what you don’t want, and you’re consistently moving toward what you do want.
I believe this is probably the best motivation strategy for most people. You know, some people are very away motivated. They just are naturally more likely to be motivated by what they don’t want, and that is fine. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. Some people are very toward motivated. They have these very clear goals for themselves, and there’s nothing wrong with that either. But I think most people do well when we take a mix of both of these types of strategies, when you are thinking about where you don’t want to be, or where you have been in the past, or where you don’t want for yourself, and we can apply these strategies to anything in our lives, whether it’s our work, our health, our fitness, our relationships, we can move away from those things that we don’t Want and move towards the things that we do want.
And I think a good, you know, ratio for most people would be somewhere around 70/30 where you want most of your motivation to be coming from, where, where you’re going, like be motivated by where you’re going in the future, by what you do want for yourself. Because it’s a little bit more positive. It’s a little less stressful. I think it’s something that most people will more than likely be more likely to reach those goals if they are more toward motivated. So about a 70/30 split is probably where you want to be with this stuff. So a little bit of stress is okay and might help you to get moving. Too much may just drag you down knowing where you want to go, that’s great, but you also have to be taking consistent action in order to move towards that goal.
So think about this. Where do you fall on this spectrum? This is kind of the thing I want you to think about this week. Are you more away or toward motivated, or do you use a combination of both? Is that how you get motivated and what keeps you going? What keeps that fire burning within you?
Think about this this week. You know, if you’re looking for more motivation, in general, if you’re lacking some motivation, or you’re not taking action on a particular goal, ask yourself, you know, what do you want to move away from? And get very clear about that, and then talk, you know? And you can do this as like a writing experiment or writing exercise. I think that’s a really good idea. Write down some things that you want to move away from, write down some things you want to move toward, paint a clear picture of each and then just take some aligned action so that you can start making progress on all those goals. Cool. I think those will be fun for you to do this week.
Okay, that’s all I got for you today. I know you got this. I love you all. Keep on Running Lean and I will talk to you soon.
237. What to Do When You Feel Stuck
So many people I talk to about losing weight or running faster tell me they just can’t seem to make any progress because they feel stuck. This is a really tough place to be because when you feel …
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Podcast Transcript
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster, and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Hey there and welcome to episode 237 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners and today, what to do when you feel stuck. So many people I talk to about losing weight or running faster tell me they just can’t seem to make any progress because they feel stuck, and this is a really tough place to be, because when you feel stuck.
It’s like there’s nothing you can do to get out of it. You feel like nothing’s ever gonna work. You get discouraged. You feel defeated. And what do you do when you feel defeated? You give up, you quit. Why bother eating right? If you’re never going to lose weight, why bother doing the speed work, if I’m never gonna break four hours in the marathon?
But listen, there’s a better way to approach these things. So today, what to do when you feel stuck so that you can get back on track, making progress toward your goals. But first, if you want to get leaner or stronger or run faster or longer, you need to change what you do. Doing the same things will not get you new results. Nothing changes. If nothing changes, right?
The real secret, though, is doing these new things consistently. You know, if you decide you want to get stronger so you go to the gym once a month, that’s not going to get you very far. You need to adopt new behaviors and start doing them consistently. And this is where coaching really helps, trying to stay on track yourself.
It can be difficult, I know, because I’ve tried it like a million times, it never worked for me. You know, I’d start something, I’d do it for a bit, I’d go right back to doing the same old stuff, and I never really made any progress. But once I got a coach, everything changed. I had somebody there guiding me every step of the way, holding me accountable, calling me out when I started slipping back into old behaviors.
Most importantly, I had someone there that was in my corner that was never, ever, ever going to let me quit. So if you’re ready to start doing some new things, and you want to make sure you’re doing them consistently, and you want somebody there to make sure you never quit, let’s do this. Let’s get this done together. We can do it together.
It’s hard to do it on your own, but we can do it together. So just go to my website, runningleancoaching.com, click on Work With Me, and I’ll show exactly how to become the most badass version of yourself, yet cool. Okay, what to do when you feel stuck.
So the reason I want to talk about this today is because so many people that I talk to, they tell me that they feel stuck, that being stuck is why they aren’t making any progress towards their goals. You know, being stuck, I’m stuck, so this is never going to work for me, or they feel stuck, and so they don’t even feel like starting something new, especially, right? It’s a huge problem. And I mean, we’ve all felt like this at some point in our lives, right? We felt stuck.
For me, a time that I remember feeling stuck is when I was trying to lose weight some years ago, and nothing was working for me, and I was running a bunch at the time, I was training for some ultra marathons that year, so I was running a ton, and I was following, you know, some advice from whatever professionals, elite runners, whatever it was, it wasn’t working for me. Whatever I tried didn’t work.
And I was actually gaining weight in the process, right? This is what it felt like to feel stuck. Because I was gaining weight, I was doing all these things, they weren’t working, and I felt stuck. So maybe you’ve felt stuck at some point. Maybe you felt stuck trying to run faster. You know you’re not making any progress. You’re not getting faster.
Let’s say you want to run a sub four marathon, or a sub two half marathon, or whatever. It doesn’t matter. But season after season, you keep trying. You sign up for races, you do the work, and then you can’t get there, right? You just keep coming up short. You know?
You train, and then you show up for this race, and you’re okay, this is going to be the time, and you’re like a 4:04, or something like that, right? It’s disappointing, you know? So you decide that you’re just stuck and you’re just never going to get faster. You have to understand something though, that like these things are going to take time, right?
The reality is that things like losing weight or running faster. They do not happen overnight. It is a long process, and progress can be slow or seem slow. So you have to commit to this process. You have to show up for yourself every single day and commit to the process of change every single day. It’s like a recommitment every day you wake up and you have to go, okay, I’m committed to staying on track again today, no matter what.
And listen, it may take months or years to reach these kinds of goals. Are you okay with that? Because guess what, you have to be, because if you’re not okay with that, you’re going to give up. At some point, you’re going to quit. If you’re not committed to the process of change, you will eventually feel stuck, and you will quit.
You will give in, and you definitely will not reach your goals at that point. So here’s what feeling stuck is, it’s really that it’s a feeling, right? You’re never actually stuck. This is really important. The feeling of being stuck, it’s an emotional state that you’re in.
And if you feel stuck, it’s because you put yourself into that emotional state you got into this emotional state of feeling stuck. That’s all it is. And listen, what I’m about to talk about is going to help you a lot, because once you understand how you got there, the feeling of stuck, stuckness, feeling stuck, once you understand how you got there, it’s then you can see the path out of it. Okay?
So there’s a couple of ways that we get ourselves into this emotional state of feeling stuck, and there’s three that come to mind. The first one is this, you continually let yourself down. So listen, in order to accomplish any big goal, it takes consistency, right you have to continually do the right things over and over and over and over and over again, like sticking with your meal plan, you have to do that every day no matter what, until you reach your goal.
I talk a lot about planning ahead, and this is on a recent episode I did, number 233, the Power of Planning Ahead. Definitely listen to that one if you haven’t checked it out yet. But the the way we do this is you plan ahead, and then so you make a plan for what you’re going to eat.
Let’s say you you do this 24 hours in advance, and then you follow through with that plan tomorrow. That’s it. That’s how you do it. And you rinse and repeat that every single day. This is how you’re going to eventually reach your goal. It’s in these tiny little moments of decision that you make every single day for a long, long time, tiny little moments of decision that add up to big change to big results. Okay, so that’s the way we do it.
But here’s what most people do. They make a plan, and then they don’t follow through with that plan. And so in that situation, what are you doing? You are letting yourself down. And when you do this over and over again, you start to really break down the trust that you’re trying to build in yourself, because you don’t trust yourself anymore.
Like, I can’t trust myself to stick to my plan. Look at me, I failed again. You know, I didn’t do what I said I was going to do again. And that really like, shakes your confidence. You lose tons of confidence when you do that. And then you begin to think, this is never gonna work for me, but you know what that is? Just a lie that you keep telling yourself because you’re full of guilt and shame and remorse over not doing what you said you would do.
You’re not in integrity with yourself, so you have to stop doing this. This is a vicious cycle to be in, and this is what leads to feeling stuck and giving up on yourself. So when you constantly let yourself down, you break confidence and trust in yourself.
You lose confidence, then you feel stuck and you feel like there’s nothing you can do to get out of it, so why bother? And this is what why people quit. And when you’re feeling that way, when you’re feeling defeated, and you know you don’t trust yourself anymore, you lack confidence, you’re definitely not doing the right things. You’re not taking aligned action, those are the things that are going to get you to your goals right.
So if your progress grinds to a halt, and yeah, you’re gonna you’re gonna be stuck, and you actually will feel stuck, and you will actually not be making progress, and most people at that point will quit. All right, so you have to stop letting yourself down, stay in integrity with yourself. Say you’re gonna do something, then do it. Make a plan, follow through with the plan, and show up for yourself every single day.
So that’s number one. Number two is that for a lot of people, progress can be slow, and this is another way that we tell ourselves we’re stuck when we’re really not. So remember what I said earlier about like losing weight or running faster? These things take time. They take a long time.
Most people are not okay with this. They say they’re okay with this. They’re like, oh yeah, I get it, Patrick, I know it’s gonna take a while, but when we actually get into doing the work, so maybe I’m working with somebody, and at the beginning of the process, I say, listen, you know, it’s a little bit different for each person. This is gonna take a while.
I don’t know how long it’s gonna take for you, three months, six months a year. I don’t know. You know, let’s say you have 50 pounds to lose. I don’t know how long that’s going to take. Everybody’s so different, different metabolisms, different lifestyles, different people’s, you know, stick to things differently. You know, different people are more committed than others, whatever, more people, some people are more disciplined than others.
But anyway, I’ll get them on a meal plan, and they might doing they might start doing that pretty regularly, and they’re doing okay, and they might see some results, but then, if they don’t see results fast enough, you know, or immediately, then things aren’t changing. They’re like, I’m stuck, and you know what? I get it.
It’s a tough thing to accept that you got to do all this hard work every single day, but the payoff is like way later. That’s tough for us, especially in the world we live in today. You know, waiting for results. You know, waiting committing to something and knowing that the results are going to be way off in the distance.
That’s a tough sell for a lot of people, because we’re a society that’s been trained to expect things now. You know, Amazon has same day delivery. UberEATS delivers food to your couch in minutes. You know, sometimes every movie or song you’ve ever wanted to watch or listen to, it’s instantly downloadable to your phone wherever you are, right?
So we are not a society that likes to wait for things, you know, like, for me, if I’m buying something online and the shipping is like, oh, this is gonna take, like, a week or 10 days, I’m like, I don’t know if I really want that, right? I mean, it’s ridiculous to think that way.
Funny, recently I bought a couch. I can’t remember last time I bought a couch. I think it was in 2010 was the last time I bought a couch, right? So I think I was due for a new couch. And I love this couch. It’s beautiful. And I went into the store and I saw it, and I sat in it and all that good stuff. And I’m like, Okay, I want this couch. And this was back in May. It was like, May the 11th, is the day that I ordered this couch.
And they’re like, you know, I sign all these papers and pay for it and everything. And they’re like, okay, let’s kind of talk about the shipping. I’m like, cool, you know, I’m available this weekend or whatever. They’re like, oh no, it’s not going to be ready until the middle of July. And I was like, Wait a minute. What now? I had to wait two months for this couch. Actually, I haven’t even got it yet today as I’m recording this.
It’s July 11, so it’s been exactly two months since I ordered this couch. Still not here. I’ll keep you posted on that. I’ll tell you when I get the couch. But I had to really think about this. After I did all this stuff and I signed the papers and I paid for it and everything, I was like, I don’t know if I want this now, because it’s gonna take so long to get here.
And in the grand scheme of things, is two months, really that big of a deal? No, but I’ve been sitting on this jinky old couch forever, and I’m like, I just want this new couch. Like, it’s ridiculous, but this is anyway, this is the world we live in right now. Right? Everything we want it now, right?
So when it comes to things like losing weight, it takes time if you want to run a faster marathon or qualify for Boston or, you know, break two hours and a half, whatever it is, it’s gonna take some time. How much time? Well, that’s the cool part, because we don’t know. That’s the fun part. It’s different for everyone. Nobody really knows.
So this goes back to what I said earlier, about committing to the process of change. So so many people I talk to will say, oh, yeah, I want to lose 30 pounds by, you know, September 1 or whatever. I’m like, okay, let’s just take that date off the table right now, because I we don’t know is how long it’s going to take. Now we can make some progress between now and then, absolutely, but I don’t think, I don’t know if you’re going to get to that goal in that amount of time. Like, who knows?
So we’ve got to come into the process of change, and it doesn’t matter how long it takes, six months a year, three years. Does not matter. What matters is that you’ve chosen to live your life in a healthy way. You’re always improving little by little, day by day. And remember, it’s in these tiny, little moments of progress every single day that add up to really big change. Okay? So we have to understand that progress can be slow. Don’t take that as a sign that you’re stuck, because you’re not stuck. Just accept the fact that progress is slow and commit to the process.
The third way that we can really feel like we’re stuck is that we misunderstand failure. So one of the things I talk a lot about with clients is that we have to change our definition of failure if you want to avoid feeling stuck. So let me ask you this, what do you think of when you think of failure? It’s like the end, right? Like you failed and so you’re done.
That’s what most people think of failure as, or they think of it as, like, I am a failure, like I did not succeed at this. So I am a failure like this is never going to work. I’m always going to fail. And we look at failure as such a huge negative thing. We look at it as like the worst thing, really?
Oh, and there’s a big reason why a lot of people will not even start stuff because they’re afraid of failing, right? That’s crazy, because, listen, failing is just part of the process. It’s part of the process of succeeding, right? So when I was in junior high, it was like ninth grade. I was not the best student. I effed off a bunch. I really didn’t care.
All I cared about was dorking around with my friends and girls like, that’s all I really cared about. And I got, like, mostly C’s, a few D’s, and then in one class at the end of the year, I ended up getting an F in algebra, ninth grade algebra, I got an F, and I was like, oh, my God. I was devastated, and I felt like such a huge loser, so I kind of deemed myself as a failure.
I figured my parents were going to kill me. First of all, I’m never going to graduate from high school. I’m a stupid, dumb loser. And listen, is any of that stuff true? No. But does thinking these terrible things help us at all? No. So how do you think I felt with that kind of a mindset? Well, I felt like I was completely stuck, like I can’t do math. I’m never going to be good at math. I can never get it. Why bother trying?
By the way, happy ending to that story, I took summer school that year. I got my grade up to where I needed to be, so I didn’t have to retake that the next year or whatever. I did graduate from high school. My parents did, in fact, not kill me, which is awesome. And I ended up not being a stupid, dumb loser. I’m actually, I’ve turned out to be pretty awesome and smart.
Okay, so failure is part of the process. It’s never the end. We have to just accept this, right? Failure never means the end, and it never, ever means that you are a failure. It just means you tried something and didn’t work. Okay, so try something else or try that again. Failing is part of the process, and you have to commit to failing if you eventually want to succeed.
Failure is inevitable. It will happen. You will go off your food plan. You’ll have a terrible workout. You won’t PR that marathon that you’ve been training for. Your progress might go in the wrong direction. You might gain weight. You might actually get slower. You know what? It’s all okay. Embrace failure for what it is. It’s part of the learning process. Every success is built upon a big old pile of failures.
All right, so stop seeing failure as the end. Stop seeing failure as I’m stuck. Start seeing it as just another step towards success. That’s it. That’s all it is. So the bottom line here, with all this today, you are never stuck. Being stuck is just an emotional state that you are putting yourself into. And so what do you do when you feel stuck? The way out is to stop letting yourself down.
You’ve got to start building trust and integrity with yourself instead. And when you do that, when you do what you say you’re going to do, you build confidence in yourself. You make progress. And then you you want to keep doing that. Get out of that vicious cycle of letting yourself down and feeling terrible.
Get into the cycle of building that trust and integrity with yourself doing what you said you’re going to do, and building that motivation to keep going. Number two, accept the fact that progress will be slow. That’s okay. Progress can be slow. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. The important thing is that you are committed to the process of change and that you’re in this right? There’s no finish line to being healthy. It’s not a destination we’re trying to get to. It’s how we live our life. Period, okay? And then, number three, you got to reframe failure, stop seeing it as the end, and just start seeing it as just one more thing that you learned that maybe didn’t work on the road to eventually reaching your big goals and eventually being successful. Okay, you got this. Love you all, keep on Running Lean and I will talk to you soon.