When it comes to creating healthy habits that last, the real key is consistency. You have to take consistent, aligned action if you want to create behavior patterns that get you results. And the …
229. How to Have More Confidence Now
One of the big keys to achieving anything significant in your life - losing weight and keeping it off, running a marathon - is confidence. Being confident that you can accomplish something big will …
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Podcast Transcript
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster, and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Hey there, and welcome to episode 229 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, The Weight Loss Coach for Runners and today, How To Have More Confidence Now. So one of the biggest keys to achieving anything significant in your life, like losing weight and keeping it off, or running your first marathon is confidence.
Being confident that you can accomplish something will make that accomplishment practically inevitable. However, the opposite is also true, a severe lack of confidence will basically make it impossible for you to reach that big goal. So how do you get more confidence?
Well, you know, you are in luck, because that’s what’s on the agenda here today. In this episode, I’m going to explain what confidence is how it might just be the game changer that you’re looking for, and how to have more confidence now.
But first, if you’ve been thinking about improving your health, your fitness, losing some weight, improving your running, and you want some guidance and support to help you get there, I want you to consider coaching, coaching works where other methods don’t, because it’s not about a diet. It’s not about a premade exercise program.
It’s about understanding what works for you as an individual, and then learning how to do it on your own. That’s you learning how to do this on your own at one point, in our coaching relationship, I want you to say Patrick, I don’t need you anymore. That’s then my job is done.
You have to be able to do this stuff on your own. It has to be something that is sustainable for you long term because you know, there is no finish line. Being healthy, losing weight, improving your running, improving your fitness, your health. It’s not a destination you’re trying to get to it is how you live your life from here on out. And I want to teach you how to live your life that way.
Okay, we want this stuff to become easy and effortless for you long term. And I can help you get there. If you want to hit the easy button on all this stuff on your weight loss goals, your running goals, we can work together, just go to my website runningleancoaching.com, click on work with me. And we will work together and I’ll show you how to become the healthiest and most badass version of yourself yet. Cool.
Okay, let’s get into this topic today how to have more confidence now. So confidence is one of those things that can be a real game changer for you. And if you’ve ever set out to do something, maybe that you’ve never done before, you’ve probably lacked confidence at the beginning of that process.
And as you have accomplished things in your life, as you have gotten out of your comfort zone, and you’ve done things you might think well, that’s how you build more confidence. And that’s part of it. You have to understand something though that confidence comes from within. It is something that is created by you. It doesn’t come from anybody else. It doesn’t come from out there nobody bestows confidence upon you, you have to create it.
So confidence, if you look up the definition, it says it’s a feeling of self assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities, a feeling of self assurance. Confidence is a feeling. And what do we know about feelings? Well, feelings are created by your thoughts. feelings don’t come from out there. Feelings are created by the thoughts that you think.
So if you want to create more of a certain feeling, then you need to think certain thoughts. You need to change your thinking perhaps here’s a little experiment that you can do. You want to start feeling a little bit more confident right now. Just think about a time where you were extremely confident to think about that time a specific point in time in your life, where you are so freaking confident about something.
Go back there right now in your mind. What was the situation you’re at? What were you thinking? What were you doing? What were you seeing what were you hearing? What are you saying, you know, what were you feeling internally, and feel that feeling of confidence.
And you can feel confident right now, when you do this, it’s kind of interesting, right? By the way, you can do the same thing with all kinds of emotions, you want to feel angry, just think about something that pisses you off, you’re gonna feel really angry right now, don’t do that. But this is what we do.
A lot of times, we feel hurt by someone. And we keep replaying that over and over in our minds. And we just continue to feel hurt and hurt and hurt, even though that thing happened years ago, decades ago. So anyway, feelings are created by your thoughts. So you have to start looking at the way you’re thinking about things.
So one thing that I like to say is that if you, if you think that you can do something, then you probably have the confidence that you can do it. If you feel like, or I’m sorry, if you think that you cannot do something, then you’re going to feel like you can’t do it.
So our thoughts will have a big role to play in how we accomplish things. And thoughts create those feelings. So we got to look at the thoughts that are creating the feelings of confidence. So for example, if you have confidence that you can stick to your diet, plan and lose weight, and you think to yourself, here’s the thoughts you thinking, I can do this, I can stick to my plan, I’ve got this, I’ve done hard things before, then you are far more likely to stick to that plan and lose the weight.
On the other hand, if you firmly believe that this is never gonna work for you, because you know what, nothing ever works for me, I’ve tried everything, nothing works. It’s never worked before I always fail, I always fail, I always give up, I always quit. How is your confidence? Zero, it’s, it’s 0.0, you are very likely to give up and quit. And those thoughts that you’re thinking are going to become true for you. Those thoughts that you’re thinking, when you feel really confident and you think this might work for me, I’m going to I think I can do this, those will become true for you as well.
Another good example is if you are somebody who has run some half marathons, right, and you’re thinking about running a full marathon, but you lack so much confidence that you can run a full marathon that you will probably never even sign up for that race, because you just don’t have the confidence that you can do it. You don’t believe in yourself, you don’t believe that you can do it. Zero confidence.
So running a full marathon is probably never going to happen for you. Even though in your mind, you might think that is something I really want for myself at some point. So we need to we need to change our thinking, okay.
Henry Ford, I love this quote one of my favorite quotes ever. He said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.
So what that says to me is that it’s all in your mind. It’s all in your mind, whatever you want to accomplish, we got to look at those thoughts that are creating the feelings. And confidence is one of the keys to helping you achieve anything of importance in your life, anything big especially.
But when it comes to achieving bigger goals, running a full marathon losing weight, losing like 40 pounds, if you want to lose 40 pounds, that’s going to require some work and some time, and you have to keep your head in the game. And you have to have the confidence to get you there.
Running a full marathon is going to require some confidence for you to get there. lacking confidence is going to keep you stuck. It’s going to keep you thinking small. When you don’t have any confidence, you’re not going to venture out of your comfort zone, you’re not going to try to push yourself to do something that’s hard. Because you don’t have the confidence that you can do it.
But when you build the confidence over time, you will see that your comfort zone will begin to grow. You can keep pushing past your comfort zone, you keep taking action even when things get hard. You still take the action that you need to take you show up for yourself in a much different way.
You’re no longer stuck, you’re free. You’re not thinking small, you’re thinking big. So these are all the reasons why we want to work on our confidence. We want to build our confidence.
So some of the ways we do this. Number one, we want to focus on how far we have come. So everything that you’ve already accomplished in your life needs to be on a list somewhere everything hard you have ever done that you maybe didn’t think you could do, but you did. Or you surprised yourself, or something that you’re proud of anything that you’ve accomplished in your life, just put it on a list somewhere.
And every now and then you need to take that list out and read it. Because we want to be focusing on where we have come, we want to focus on how far we have come not on where we are not.
We spend too much time focusing on the gap, the gap between where we are today and where we want to be in the future. And there’s a gap there, I want to lose 40 pounds. So the gap is the 40 pounds, the gap is running a full marathon, I’ve never done that before. And we focus on the gap. And it’s a negative place to focus on because it’s where you are not, you’re not there yet.
And if all your focus is on where you are not, it can feel incredibly frustrating. And it will kind of strip away your confidence. Instead, you want to focus on the gains, not the gap, focus on the gains, what have you done? What have you already accomplished? Write that stuff down, you want to make sure that this is something that you are constantly focusing on.
And then as you accomplish new things celebrate those wins, we celebrate wins in our coaching group all the time, we always want to talk about wins. Because it’s important to give equal airtime to the things that are going well in our lives and the problems.
A lot of times, we just want to focus on the promise, well, here’s what’s not working. Okay, that stuff is fine. But what is working, let’s talk about that as well. It shifts the conversation, I’m telling you, and I see it in people, it shifts their whole posture, their personality shifts a little bit when they start talking about everything that’s going well. So focus on how far you have come this right here.
If you just did this one thing, this would be enough to help you to start building all the confidence that you need. Okay, but we’re going to do more number two is to take aligned action, even when you don’t feel like it. So confidence comes from taking action and getting results. Because when you take aligned action, and you get results, you start to see that ha this might actually work for me.
Oh, I was able to stick to my food plan over the last two weeks. Great. And I lost a pound. That’s interesting. So you’ve taken aligned action, you’re seeing some results. And you’re like, hmm, actually maybe this will work for me. And so you start to feel more confident, because you’re taking action.
Even sometimes when you don’t feel like it, sometimes you don’t feel like sticking your food plan, I get it. Sometimes you don’t feel like going for a run, I get it. But if you stick to the plan, you’re going to get the results when you get the results, you feel more confident that you can keep going and you want to stay in that cycle.
You want to stay in the cycle of small actions, giving you small results, tiny little actions that you’re taking every single day that are gonna give you tiny little results. And those Tyler results deliver a little bit of confidence. Okay, so confidence is something that builds slowly over time. It does not happen all at once.
People think that it’s like flipping a light switch, like all of a sudden, you’re gonna get confident, and you’re going to be able to do everything and it doesn’t work that way. You have to create it. And it takes time you build confidence slowly, over time, like a habit, you know, habits take a long time, some people will say 30 days, some people say 90 days.
You know what? I just was doing a little bit of research on this. And then the experts out there really say that habits take as much time as they take. And it’s different for each person. And it depends on the habit and all these other factors. So there’s no number, but it takes time.
Let’s just all agree to that. Like it takes time to build a good habit. Just like that it takes time to build confidence, right? It’s not a light switch, you’re not just flipping on confidence and like then then you’re good to go.
So it looks like this, it looks like you keep showing up for yourself. You keep taking the action and you start getting little results. And this builds a little bit of confidence with each little win. And we acknowledge those wins. Sometimes they’re pretty small. That’s okay.
Feeling more confident, though, will actually make it easier for you then to take more aligned action. This is how we start to build a ton of confidence. We do it slowly over time, little by little when over when day after day, week after week, month after month. And then eventually you’re gonna get to this place where you just have all the confidence that If you need to achieve anything that you want.
Think about it like this. This is exactly what we do when we’re training for a marathon. So if you’ve only run a half marathon, the farthest you’ve ever run is 13.1 miles, and you start getting into marathon training, you’re probably going to feel pretty confident until you get to mile 14. You know, when you see that number 14 on the calendar, you’re like, oh, my long run is 14 off, I’ve never run that far before, that might feel a little daunting.
But you know, it’s pretty close to 13. So it may not be that bad. And then you do it. And then the next time it’s going to be 15. And then 16, 18, 20 miles, 22 miles. Like that’s where things start to get real for you. You know, how confident are you in week one of your marathon training? My guess is not very confident.
How confident are you by week number 16? After doing all the work, though, so you show up, week after week, you do the work, you do those long runs, you show up even though it’s hard. But you show up for yourself, you keep taking the aligned action, and you start getting the results. You’re hitting all these runs, you’re doing fine.
So how confident are you in week 16? I’m gonna say probably very much confident in week number 16. Right? It’s a game-changer. And listen, you guys with the running, you got this part down, you do. But when it comes to the food, people are like, well, it’s different. It’s not different.
Listen, think about losing 40 pounds as your marathon, okay? You’re not ready. In week number one, like you’re not going to have the confidence you need in week number one of your new food plan, right? You have to show up for yourself daily, stick to the plan, every day, even on the weekends, even on vacation.
Okay, maybe you indulge a little bit on vacation, I’ll give you that. That’s cool. But then you get back on track again. And you start to see the weight dropping, you lose a pound every week or so maybe more, maybe less, whatever. But you’re seeing results, because you’re showing up for yourself and you’re doing the work day after day, week after week, just like you do with your marathon training, it’s no different.
And then by week number 16, or 18, whatever of your new nutrition regimen, you know, you’re like, this is actually totally working for me, I’ve lost 20 pounds already, I’m feeling amazing. Running is better than ever, you’ll eventually get there, you’ll get to that 40 pound weight loss goal, if you don’t quit.
If you keep showing up for yourself, if you keep celebrating the wins. That’s that just take that same approach that we take to marathon training, copy, paste that over here to your food plan, and boom, you’re good to go. That’s how you do it. That’s how you build confidence. Okay.
The last part of this is that we will experience failures in our journey. Whether you’re training for a marathon or trying to lose 40 pounds, I’m telling you right now you’re going to experience some failures along the way.
We have to rethink failure. Because past failures can strip away your confidence that can erode your confidence if you continue to think about them as failures, or if you continue to think about yourself as a failure. Right? So for example, you know, you don’t stick to your food plan. Maybe this goes on for a few days, right? Big shocker.
Listen, everybody does this at some point. Maybe you just had a stressful week of work, whatever you there’s all kinds of excuses you can use. I always tell people that we don’t use those as excuses. But I’m just telling you, this is what people tell me.
Oh, I had a really stressful week of work. And so I couldn’t stick to my food plan. Yeah, you could have stuck to your food plan, but you chose not to because you were stressed out. And that’s how you deal with stress. You use food to deal with stress. Okay, that’s what’s really going on there.
But anyway, end of sidebar. So everybody does this. At some point, you gain a few pounds. This is just normal. It’s part of the process, right? But here’s what happens. A lot of you, you beat yourselves up. You feel like a failure. You say things like, this is never going to work for me.
I always do this. It’s too hard. I can’t do this. You’re thinking these things. You’re believing that this is never going to work for you. That is just a confidence killer right there. Okay, you didn’t fail. You learned what not to do. You learned that doing it this way doesn’t work for me. Stress eating does not work for me. How do I get through that?
You look at your little failures as learning opportunities. If you don’t, you’re never going to improve. You’re never going to get there. You’re never going to lose the weight and be able to keep it off, we have to look at our failures as learning opportunities. What’s the lesson to learn from that situation you’re in?
You have to learn how to persevere. Because listen, you are not a failure. You failed at that one thing that one time. Okay, big deal. Let’s learn our lesson, we get over it and we move on. Eyes forward, we don’t look back, we look forward. Every single success that has ever happened in the history of the world has been built upon a huge pile of failures.
What that says to me is that you cannot succeed without failure, you have to fail, failure is part of the process. And failures are never the end. So many people think, oh, I failed. So that’s the end, I’m going to quit no failures, just one more step on the path of success. It’s like one more rung on the ladder, that eventually leads to the top.
You have to climb all the rungs, you can’t skip any. So there’s going to be more failures ahead, by the way, so buckle up. Okay, so just to recap here, today, confidence, it’s a feeling that’s created by your thoughts, you got to work on your thoughts. We’ve got to stop thinking things like I can’t do this is never gonna work for me, this is too hard. I always stop all that.
Change your thinking, right? Start taking aligned action. Start doing things that are going to move you towards your goals. Aligned action means action that is in alignment with your long term goals. Start taking that action every single day, focus on everything you’ve achieved so far. Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished in your life that was hard, and go over that list regularly.
Remember that confidence builds over time. And we have to allow time for this process to take place. It’s not like flipping a light switch. Okay, and then anytime we do experience failure, and you will, you got to reframe that you got to look at it as a learning experience and not the end.
I have failed at so many things. So many times in my life. It’s ridiculous. And I keep showing up and I still fail at stuff. And I keep showing up for myself and I keep learning from those experiences and I keep moving on. Okay, and that is how you build confidence. And that is how you can create more confidence starting right now is just do the things I outlined in this podcast today. Cool. That’s your work this week. You got this. That’s all I got for you today. Love you all. Keep on Running Lean and I will talk to you soon.