Running Lean with Patrick McGilvray
If you really want to create change in your life, you have to focus on changing your habits, right? I think we all get this concept, but most people don't really understand how habits actually …
Continue Reading about 85. Understanding How Habits Really Work →
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Well, hey there, and welcome to episode 85 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners and today we’re talking about understanding how habits really work. If you really want to create change in your life in any area of your life, you really have to focus on changing your habits, right, I think we all get this concept.
But most people don’t really understand how habits actually work. Most people just focus on trying to change the behavior, the actual actions that they are taking, they don’t focus on the things that are driving the behavior in the first place.
So in order to change a habit, you first have to understand how the habit is created in the first place, you have to go deeper and get into the root cause of the habit. So today on the podcast, I take you on a deep dive into understanding how habits really work. So you can create the change that you want in your life and make those changes last.
But first, if you like this podcast, please come check out the Running Lean community on Facebook. This is a group that goes hand in hand with the podcast, I extend the conversation from here, over there, you get to ask questions, you have a voice, you can feel supported, encouraged, inspired by other runners and people that are sharing similar goals to you. And it’s fun to if I haven’t mentioned that already. The Facebook Group is a lot of fun, we do kind of have a lot of fun over there. So definitely just check out the Running Lean community on Facebook, and join us it’d be super awesome to have you there.
Here’s another five star review of the Running Lean podcast. This is from Laurie from Alaska. And she says, “So much to learn. So many great tips, I learned something new on every run, because that’s when I listen to your podcast. I’ve learned how to think differently. Thank you for being such a positive influence on so many.”
Thank you so much Laurie from Alaska, I appreciate those kind words. And listen, if you want to share the love, you can also just go to iTunes, Apple podcasts, whatever you call that wherever you listen to your podcast, scroll down, tap the stars leave a few words, I would really appreciate it.
And just so you know, for the month of August, if you are part of the Running Lean community, you can leave a review on Apple podcasts just like I described, take a screenshot of it, drop that screenshot in a post. And at the end of the month, I’m going to randomly select somebody from these posts, people that have reviewed the podcast and and you’ll you’ll earn a free, you know, coaching session with me. So it’s just a fun way for me to say thank you for supporting the show. Okay.
And also the Running Lean coaching group is open. All month long, we’re talking about thoughts, feelings and actions, and how these patterns show up in our life. We’re gonna be talking a lot about this in this podcast today. So you’ll get a feel for kind of what we’re going to be covering in the group this month.
But you know, this this topic of the month is, is vital. It’s the foundation for creating any kind of change whether you’re trying to become a better runner, or become healthier or lose weight or whatever your goals are. You have to understand how your thoughts, feelings and actions all tie together to help you create the life that you want for yourself.
As a member in the coaching group, you also get access to the weight loss training course for runners, my course called achieving the impossible which is about creating an extraordinary life by going after unrealistic goals. You get weekly live coaching with me. I just created something new, which I think is pretty awesome.
It’s a private podcast. So it’s not this podcast, but it’s a whole different podcast with all the replays of our group coaching calls, so you don’t have to necessarily show up to the live group zoom call although that is super fun to do. You can listen to the private podcast stream on your runs and stuff like that. So super fun. Come join us over in the Running Lean coaching group. For more information just go to runningleanpodcast.com/join Okay, cool.
Let’s talk about this, understanding how habits really work. First of all, what is a habit? So a habit is a learned behavior. Habits just don’t occur spontaneously, right habits are something that we have been practicing and learning over time. Habits tend to occur unconsciously though.
So habits are something that you’ve been practicing so much that you can do it without much consciousness or without a whole lot of conscious thought. So some types of habits that would fit this would be stuff like tying your shoes, right, you don’t have to think about you just do it. Driving a car, driving the car is something you had to learn how to do. And at first, it took a lot of effort, a lot of conscious thought. But now you can do it pretty much without thinking at all. Sometimes you’re driving and you’re like, how did I even get here, you sort of like zoned out? Have you ever had that happen to you?
Or something like taking a shower, like, you know, we do these things just completely automatically, we don’t even have to think about it. It’s super unconscious behavior, right. Some other types of habits and things that kind of relate to what we’re talking about here today would be like getting up early to work out every day, that would be habit that you do, just unconsciously, you just kind of do it.
Sticking to your marathon training schedule, like you’re gonna show up and do your runs, every day, no matter what that can be something that has to develop into a habit. Or it could be something like, you know, eating sweets late at night, could be a habit that you have that maybe you don’t want that habit, you know, or snacking all day long eating junk food, like some of these habits, you know, like sticking to your training schedule might be fine. And something that you want for yourself.
Others habits like eating junk food might be a habit that you want to change, or just drop all together. Either way, the key to to all of this. And the key to changing a habit is to understand how the habit really works. And the problem is that most people attack habit change, just by focusing on the behavior, just by focusing on the physical action that you are taking.
So if your issue is you know, you’re snacking too much or snacking all day long, they’ll just say, well just stop doing that. Stop eating snacks. Or if the habit is like you, you don’t seem to get up every day on time, or you know, you’re not, you want to hit the gym early, but you just can’t get out of bed.
People will say well just get up early every day, set your alarm get up early. Or, you know, if your habit is eating junk food, those don’t drive past the fast food places, or just don’t eat junk food. And if this was this simple, this would be amazing. But it’s not changing the behavior, changing an action. And then the goal for the what most people would tell you is just like just change the action. And then just keep doing that until that becomes a new habit.
Have you heard this before? Like just change the action? And then just keep doing it? Does this work? Maybe maybe for some people, for most people? No, it does not. And honestly, if it was this easy, I wouldn’t be talking about all this today. I just tell you to stop doing whatever it is you’re you’re doing or tell you to start doing whatever it is you want to start doing and boom, we’re done. I don’t have to have this conversation with you here today.
But it’s not that simple. A habit is a learned behavior that you’ve been practicing, until it’s pretty much an unconscious thing. Right? So you have to understand what’s beneath the action, you have to understand what’s driving the behavior. You have to go deeper you have to understand why you do what you do. You have to have to understand how the thought feeling action pattern has become unconscious for you.
So habit is always a thought a feeling. And then an action is a pattern that you’ve been practicing over and over until it becomes automatic. It may feel like there’s no conscious thought happening. It may seem like everything is happening instantaneously. But I assure you, there’s always a thought and a feeling that precedes every action that you take. Even if it seems like it all happens in an instant.
There are always choices and decisions that are being made by you. Even if it seems like you’re running on autopilot. And if habits are learned patterns of behavior, then it stands to reason that they can be on learned. Right so you can unlearn an unwanted behavior, right you can replace the old unwanted behavior with a new one. But if we only focus on the action, the actual behavior itself, you’re not going to get there, or it’s going to be a lot harder for you.
So habit is really the whole thought feeling action pattern that you’ve gotten so good at doing, you’ve been practicing this over and over and over again, it’s like, you know, eating sweets late at night, you just keep doing it every day until it just becomes like something your brain expects. And there’s a thought and a feeling that precedes the action. But it all happens in a split second, and you just find yourself eating ice cream at you know, 10:30 at night. And so you have to understand that your thoughts and your feelings are the real drivers of your actions, your thoughts and feelings are the real drivers of your choices of your decision making. And whether you are consciously aware of this or not, this is what’s happening.
So habits are not reflexive, they’re not reflexes that are just happening like, like a knee jerk, you know, reaction. So I hear people tell me all the time, like, you know, I was doing fine. The next thing you know, I’m stuffing a Cinnabon into my face. And I have no idea how this just happened.
So we tend to make our habits out to be reflexive, like things that we don’t have control over, we tend to say, Oh, this is beyond my control. And I think one of the reasons why we do this is because when we say we don’t have control over it is because then we are not to blame. But listen, our habits are not reflexive, we are in control, they don’t just happen spontaneously. They don’t bypass your brain, they don’t bypass the thought feeling action process.
But it’s easiest to think of habits as reflexive, like, you know, when the doctor hits your knee with that little hammer thing, the doctor hits your patellar tendon with that little, you know, rubber hammer. And what happens in that moment is a signal is sent from your knee to your spinal column.
And immediately that signal is sent to a motor nerve in your quadriceps, and that extends your leg forward. This is called the knee jerk reaction. And it’s a motor reflex, it bypasses your brain completely, it’s actually called the patellar tendon reflex. And it bypasses your thinking your consciousness your brain totally, it goes from your knee to your spinal column to your leg muscle. That’s it. That’s a reflex.
But that is not how habits work. Habits are not reflexive, they don’t bypass the brain, okay, habits are processed by your brain very quickly. Because you’ve just gotten really good at doing this. You have a thought you have a feeling and then you take action. And it seems it’s so fast that it seems automatic. But it’s just why well formed habits, well practiced habits seem unconscious, but your brain is still involved.
This is good news, your your brain is still involved. The good news is that this is still your fault, okay. It’s still something that you have control over. And that’s good news to me, like I would rather have control over what I’m doing. Because if I feel like I’m out of control, I have no say in the matter, I have no authority over myself, right. And I don’t want that.
I don’t want to feel like I’m being you know, manipulated or controlled by some outside force. So if I know that this is within my control, this is good news. This brings the power back to me. So your brain is still doing the work has just gotten really efficient because you’ve been practicing it so much like eating the snacks, you know, late at night, or taking a shower like you take a shower, you don’t even have to think about it, you just do it right.
And sidebar here. This is why so many great ideas come to us in the shower. Because the activity that we’re engaged in, is using it doesn’t use your conscious mind. It uses your subconscious mind. So the activity of taking a shower is a subconscious activity. This is a really good example of how this works. So the conscious mind is free to think, to dream to think more creatively and this is why we get good ideas in the shower. Because our conscious mind is free and open.
Okay, so anyway, that’s a little sidebar. So the key to all of this is to understand that your thoughts and feelings drive your behavior and this is what creates the habit is the thought the feeling and the behavior all combined. and it’s just something you practice. You’ve been practicing these habits for a long, long time.
And then you might be thinking, okay, I get this, Patrick, it’s the thoughts and feelings. But where are these thoughts and feelings coming from? Like, how are those created? Well, thoughts are just sentences in your mind. They’re just things you say to yourself, or little sentences, you say to yourself, they are the stories that you tell yourself about what’s happening around you.
You know, you might be taking a walk through the park, and you see a squirrel and you see a tree, and you see a fountain, and you see a lake and you see a deer. And you’re telling yourself how wonderful all of this is. These are just thoughts, you know, they’re just stories, you’re telling yourself about what’s going on, around you.
So your thoughts are just your interpretations of your circumstances, your thoughts are the meaning that you give to every situation in your life. And your thoughts are determined by how you see the world around you. So your thoughts are heavily influenced by your past experiences by your beliefs, your upbringing, your culture, your family of origin, your education, the type of career you’re in, and on and on, like, this is what we call our model of the world.
And everyone has their own unique model of the world. So your model of the world is unique to you. It’s how you interpret the world around you. And I would argue that there is no one reality that we each have our own version of reality in our minds, because everything is up to interpretation by your brain. And your brain is going to interpret things very different from my brain.
This is kind of cool, because that means that like, we all have an opinion. And we all have a different interpretation of every situation. I think this is pretty cool. And so here’s an example of how the model of the world can influence your thoughts and feelings. And I’ve probably used this example before, but I love it. It’s so good.
So imagine two guys standing on the beach, and they’re both looking out over the ocean. And each of these people has a different view of the ocean. They have different thoughts and feelings about the ocean. One guy has been a fan of the ocean ever since he was a little kid. He used to surf every day. You know, as a kid, he grew up near the beach. And for decades, he’s been an avid surfer, and he just loves the ocean. To him the ocean is a zen like experience. It’s his happy place. It brings him joy. He can’t imagine not getting into the ocean and surfing every single day. Okay. He loves the ocean, loves loves loves it. He feels a sense of peace and joy when he’s standing on the beach looking at the ocean.
Guy number two standing right next to him looking over at the same ocean. Maybe he had a near drowning experience as a child. For him the ocean is a very scary place. For him the ocean is full of danger, and fear. And for him, he wants to avoid the ocean at all costs. He can’t imagine stepping foot in the ocean, okay.
These two people are experiencing the same ocean the same, quote unquote reality but their view of it is completely different based on their model of the world. Their model of the world affects their thoughts and feelings and actions. And different habits will emerge out of those thought feelings and action patterns.
Okay, so one guy’s become an avid surfer. He has a habit of surfing every day, no matter what loves it. The other guy has a habit of never going anywhere near the ocean won’t get on a boat won’t go on a cruise hates going to the beach would never dream of setting foot in the ocean. Right? So two different people, same circumstances, but different models of the world. Different thoughts, feelings and actions, different habits, different results.
So what does all this mean? This this is not to say that we cannot change that. Once you’ve experienced something like trauma or you know, or you’re sort of you’ve got a well established habit that you can’t change it, you absolutely can change it. You can change anything you want about yourself. The point of talking about all this is so that you understand what’s driving the behavior. It’s always your thoughts and feelings. Okay?
And all month long over in the Running Lean coaching group, we are taking a deep dive into this work all month long, we’re focusing on our thoughts, feelings and actions and these patterns, how they show up in our life and how they are creating the results that we’re getting or not getting in every area of our life.
You know, we’ve got people that are trying to change their diet and lose some weight. And they have to understand how their thoughts and feelings are driving their actions of sticking to their plan or not. We’ve got people who want to, you know, qualify for Boston. And their thoughts and feelings are either driving the actions of like making them, you’re keeping them dedicated and disciplined and running faster or not.
And each week, we’re focusing on one topic. So last week, it was our thoughts this week was our feelings next week is going to be all about actions, the and then we’re going to be talking about how to start to change these things and how to start creating the thoughts and feelings that we actually want, so that we can change our results.
And each week, we’ve got a little bit homework to do. So we’re creating a bunch of self awareness around our thoughts and feelings and habits. And then later this month, we’re going to talk about changing them and creating new habits. So if you haven’t checked it out, come over and check out the Running Lean coaching group. It’s super fun, and we’re taking just such a deep dive into this particular topic. Because I really believe this is the foundation of creating any kind of change that you want for yourself, okay.
But the first and most important step is understanding how all of this works. And understanding how your brain works, you know, you got to understand that your brain is is amazing. It’s like one of the most amazing things in the known universe, if not, the most people think it’s the most powerful thing in the known universe, the human brain, nothing is compares to the human brain, what we can do with it, right.
And you have to understand that you are always in control, even though it doesn’t seem like it. Understand that you have authority over your choices, and over your decisions, these things are not just happening to you, okay, you’ve just sort of lost touch with this part of your brain, you’ve gotten into a habit. And you’ve done you started to do something unconsciously and automatic, you’ve been on autopilot. And that’s okay. You just understand how all this works. Understand that you’re just sort of going through the motions now without a whole lot of conscious thought.
So the first step is to bring all of this back into your awareness back into your consciousness. So here’s a weird thing to think about. This is kind of random. I’m gonna bring it back, though. Okay, so I’m going to go off on a little tangent here. But listen, when you were growing up, did anyone ever teach you how to eat? Now? Of course, you’re like, well, yeah, of course, my parents taught me how to eat when I was like, one or whatever, right?
But no, I mean, like, how to eat healthy food, how to eat food that will nourish your body, how to obtain optimal health. Did your parents teach you about the effects of eating sugar and how you should stay away from junk food? Did they teach you how to moderate these things? Or avoid some of these things all together? Probably not. I don’t know. For most of us, that’s probably no.
If you are brought up that way, that is awesome. Your parents are awesome. Congratulations. For most of us, though. No, no, I grew up in the 60s in the 70s. I come from a pretty good sized family, five kids. And my mom was an amazing cook. And she always was had these home cooked meals. She loved cooking. It’s how she showed love to all of us. And, and I grew up, you know, with this idea that, you know, this is how we show love is but food.
And I also grew up thinking that food was entertainment. So Saturday mornings as a kid in the 70s. Like I would watch the cartoons. And there were all these ads, right for Count Chocula and Captain Crunch and sugar Frosted Flakes. And, of course, every time we went to the grocery store, I insisted that we get like one or all of those cereals and stuff, right?
So I was eating a lot of sugary cereals. I remember drinking a lot of sugary soft drinks, and we had dessert pretty much every night. And listen, I’m not blaming my mom or my parents, right. My parents are amazing. Amazing. People love them so much. And they always did their best. And I would say they did a damn fine job raising their five kids. We are all awesome kids, by the way. But this was my model of the world. For many years. For decades, really. my model of the world was driving my thoughts and feelings about food.
And so some of my thoughts and feelings were food is fun. Food is entertainment. Food is a reward. Food is how you show love, the more sugar the more love, more love. Like more sugar equals more love. And I used food in this way to feel good about myself for four decades, really, this was my model of the world, this would become my thought feeling action pattern.
This was my habit in trying to change this habit, you know, I tried all the diets in the world. And nothing ever really worked. Because I didn’t understand what was behind all this, I didn’t understand what was driving the habit, I was just trying to change the behavior, I was just trying to change the actions that I was taking.
And it wasn’t until I started to understand what was underneath the habit, what was underneath the behavior, the thoughts and feelings, that I could actually start to change things for myself. So I learned how I was using food as more like an emotional management tool, you know, I was using food to feel better, or to not have to feel anything at all.
So I was using food as a way to numb myself a lot of the time. So and have to deal with my thoughts and feelings, which are just too much for me, I’m a very emotional person, I feel my feelings, right. And so for years and years of doing this, you know, I I just was numbing myself as much as possible.
I used alcohol for the same reason, you know. And then eventually, I had to like, take a step back and understand what was driving all of this. And after years and years and years of doing this really decades, this all became, for me, an unconscious habit. And in order to break the habit, I had to develop a deep understanding of how the habit actually worked, how it was formed.
While I was thinking and feeling all this stuff, I was thinking and feeling what was driving the behavior. And all this stuff had to be brought out of my unconsciousness and into my consciousness out of the darkness and into the light. I had to just get really curious with myself and start asking myself, why am I thinking these things about food? Why am I thinking and feeling these feelings about food?
And what’s a different way of thinking and feeling about all of this. So if you can relate to any of this, I want you to know something that there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with me, there was nothing wrong with me in that moment. This is just how our brains are wired, you know, our brains are we have this primitive part of our brain that just wants to keep us safe.
So we have a part of our brain, you know, it’s called the amygdala. It’s this like, very primitive, I call it the lizard brain, it’s always seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, seeking comfort, avoiding discomfort, seeking, the familiar avoiding anything unfamiliar. And, you know, it’s okay, this is just normal. And it’s okay, that we, that we, we have a brain like this, we just need to understand that there is another way to live our life, that if we want something different for ourselves, and we just have to understand what’s driving our behavior, it’s not automatic, it really isn’t.
And we have the capacity to override that primitive brain, we have the capacity to, you know, seek discomfort and seek the unfamiliar and get put ourselves out of our comfort zone and begin to change the habit. All these habits that we’ve developed over the years, they’re just learned behaviors, driven by thoughts and feelings that we’ve practiced over and over again, your work has to understand how all of this is formed, how it works, so you can begin to change things for yourself.
And once you’re armed with all of this self awareness, it’s like taking the red pill in the matrix like nothing will ever be the same for you. Once you see this and you understand it, you can’t unsee it. Or you can take the blue pill and remain contented and stuck where you are. But you seem more like a red pill kind of person to me. Alright, that’s all I got for you this week.
Be sure to join us over in the Running Lean coaching group for August remember we’re taking a deep dive into all of this thought feeling action patterns, how they show up how you can change them so you can start getting the results you want around weight loss running, health and fitness, all of that runningleanpodcast.com/join. And I truly hope that you got something out of this episode today. And if you did, please consider sharing it with a friend I love you all keep on Running Lean, and I’ll talk to you soon.
If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.
As we come to the end of the #DryJulyChallenge, I’d love to know how it went for you. How was your experience giving up alcohol for a month? What’s changed? Are you sleeping better? Do you have …
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster, and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Hey there, and welcome to episode 83 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners, and today we’re talking about the all or nothing mentality. So as we come to the end of our dry July challenge, I’d love to know how it went for you. How did it go? How was your experience giving up alcohol for a month? Were you able to do it? Was it hard? What’s changed for you? Maybe you’re sleeping better? Do you have more energy, maybe your workouts have been better?
Maybe you just feel better overall, I actually would love to hear from you. You can drop your comments in our Facebook group. But a lot of people are now asking themselves like now what now? What do I do? Do I keep going do I have to, you know, swear off alcohol forever?
Whether or not you choose to continue with this, I just want to make one thing very clear, you don’t have to make a decision that you’re never going to drink again. I think a lot of people get stuck on this idea of either you can drink or you have to never drink and there’s no middle ground. There’s no moderation. And this is what I mean when I’m talking about the all or nothing mentality.
And if you’re trying to change a habit it can make the process of changing a habit feel extremely daunting, like thinking about never drinking again, or never eating sugar again for the rest of your life. Is that really going to help you stay on track? So in this episode, I’m just going to take a deep dive into this whole idea of like all or nothing, this whole mentality that people adopt, and then I’m going to propose what might be, I think a more effective way to change a habit.
And like I mentioned, if you haven’t already done so please come and check out the Running Lean community on Facebook, and share your thoughts about the dry July challenge. I’ll be posting a little bit more in there. We’re wrapping up the month.
But I would love to know what kind of experiences you guys have had like what positive experiences you’ve had from taking a break from alcohol for the month, just search for Running Lean community on Facebook, and you can join us there.
And then here’s a recent five star review of the Running Lean podcast. And this person said, “I have recently finished listening to all of your podcasts and love them. So please make more soon lol. But seriously, I thank you for sharing all of your knowledge on running and nutrition because I’ve learned a lot. Thank you so much. And I look forward to many more, please know that your podcasts are making a difference. Oh, and I will be going away for a week and really enjoyed your advice on making a plan when you are not in your typical routine because I will be sure to plan ahead.”
Thank you very much for that awesome review. And if you want to leave a review of the podcast, I would so appreciate it. I love hearing that this is helping you guys and that I am making a difference. So you can just go to whatever podcast app you use Apple podcasts, or whatever, scroll down, tap the stars and write a few words. And I will be sure to read your review on the show here. So thanks again for doing that.
And then just a quick update, you know, I’ve got this coaching group that is now open, officially open, and not going to be closing. So anytime you’re ready to start making some of these changes. This is a very cost-effective way of doing it. The monthly coaching group is where you get access to my online training materials you get access to weekly group calls with other people that are going through the same thing.
Part of it is like the support group because you get the support of people just like you that are you know going through trying to accomplish some of these big goals for themselves and you get to hear what’s working for them what’s not working, how did they overcome some of these struggles so it’s really effective at helping you to see that there’s hope and that there’s you know, things that you can do that will help you to stay on track.
And of course, I do some coaching and teaching and training every week in the group. If you’re interested just go to runningleanpodcast.com/join. And also in August, all month, all month long, we’re gonna be taking this deep dive into the thought, feeling, and action patterns that we all have, and how they might be keeping you stuck.
And if you want to start, you know, taking control of some of these things, habits, and things like that in your life, how you can use your thought, feeling, action patterns to actually start getting better results in different places in your life. Okay, so whether you’re trying to lose weight, or you want to improve your running, you want to improve your overall health and fitness, you want to get stronger.
Maybe you want to keep up with the drinking or learn how to moderate your drinking. We’ll be talking about all that stuff and how your thought feeling and action patterns play such a huge role and all that stuff. So anyway, runningleanpodcast.com/join and join us.
Okay, let’s get into this topic. Because I’m excited about talking about this, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, because I’ve heard people say that, you know, when you decide you want to, you know, change a habit, that you just have to, like, abstain from doing that thing.
Like, let’s say you want to, like, quit eating sugar. And people are like, well, sugar is bad for you. And if you have a problem with sugar, you know, if you can’t moderate sugar, you just need to, like, quit forever. And the same thing goes for drinking.
A lot of people especially like in the recovery communities say that if you are, you know, if you have a problem with drinking, that you should just never drink ever, and that you have to be either 100%. You have to abstain 100% of the time, or, you know, basically, you’re not doing it, right. Okay. It’s like you’re either all in, or you’re all out and there’s no middle ground there, okay, it’s like 100% compliance, or you’re not complying at all.
So maybe you just want to, like, instead of giving up drinking, maybe you just want to change your drinking habit, you know, or maybe you don’t want to like, give up sugar 100%, but you just want to like change your relationship with sugar, you know, you don’t have to decide that you’re never going to do it again.
I think this all or nothing mentality, it’s like either this or that. It’s on or off. It’s binary, you know, it’s either yes or no, I think it’s very black and white thinking and I think it can be problematic for a lot of people and can be very challenging for a lot of people to, to give up or to change the habit, okay to like, kind of make a better habit.
And we’re really talking about when we talk about habit change of changing our relationship with, you know, alcohol, changing our relationship with food, okay. I used to have the same sort of attitude about running. So I was either like training for something big and epic, like an Ironman or 100 miler, or, I wasn’t training at all, like, why even bother running a half marathon, you know.
And this is like, very black and white thinking. And I don’t think this is you know, healthy, I’m not saying there’s nothing, there’s nothing wrong with, you know, running or training for an Ironman or, or 100 miler, whatever you want to do. I think those things are amazing. But we just have to get out of this idea that it’s like all or nothing, okay.
And I want to make something very clear before I go on here. So when I talk about all or nothing. It’s different from when I talk about going all-in on yourself. Okay, so I talk a lot about this concept of, you know, when you have a big goal, you need to go all-in on yourself for that goal, okay?
You need to approach these big things in your life with the attitude that you’re committed to making a work, right no matter what. So let’s say you want to lose weight, and you have this big weight loss goal. Going all in on yourself means that you’re going to keep going, that you’re, you know, it may take a while you may have some slip-ups, you may have some failures along the way. You may not stick to your plan or whatever, but you keep moving forward, you don’t quit on yourself.
Okay, maybe you want to change your relationship with alcohol going all-in on that means you use the power of your thoughts and feelings about alcohol to change the habit. It means you create a drinking plan, maybe you just want to moderate, so you create a drinking plan and you stick to it. No matter what.
Going on all in on yourself means you’re committed to your health. You’re committed to success. You’re committed to, you know, maybe going after this PR and your marathon. It does not mean you’re never allowed to drink again. It does not mean you’re never allowed to eat a cupcake again, it does not mean like you can never, you know, run a half marathon or five games or something like that, you know, we just want to make sure that we understand the difference between the all or nothing mentality and like going all-in on yourself, okay?
There’s a big difference between swearing off something forever, like sugar, alcohol, and changing the habit and changing your relationship with it. Okay? So going all-in on yourself does not equate to all or nothing, it just means you aren’t half-assing, you know, you’re not half-assing your efforts towards this goal. You’re full-assing it with whatever it is you’re doing. Okay?
So there’s this idea, and I was talking about this a minute ago, like, there’s this idea, especially in the recovery communities that if you want to change a habit, you have to quit it forever. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol, that there’s, you know, maybe you’ve had a problem with alcohol in the past, it’s been hard for you to give it up or hard for you to moderate that you just have to quit forever, you know.
If you have an issue with food, and maybe you, you know, you’re overweight and you’re trying to lose some weight, and you just want to be healthier and feel better. That means that like you could never eat sugar again, or never have a pizza or fries ever again. And here’s what I want to propose. And I think this is the kind of the crux of the problem here.
When you think about like never eating pizza again, or never eating a burger with fries and a milkshake ever again in your life. How does that make you feel? Probably, you probably feel deprived, it probably feels sort of terrible. And when you feel deprived and terrible, because you feel like you’re missing something, something that you enjoy, what happens to your desire for that thing, your desire for that thing actually goes up.
And when you feel terrible, and you have this now increased desire for this thing, what do you think you’re going to do? Typically, you’re going to give in to those cravings, you’re going to eat the fries, you’re going to eat the pizza, you’re going to eat the cupcakes, you’re going to drink the alcohol because you just want to feel better.
You have all this desire, and you’re feeling terrible about yourself. And like, you could never have this thing again, and feeling depressed about that. And geez, what are you going to do, you’re just going to want it even more. Okay. So thinking that you have to quit something forever, it feels, it can feel very daunting for people. You know, it can feel overwhelming, and, frankly, pretty frustrating.
And another big problem with this all or nothing mentality is that if you slip up if you do swear off drinking forever, and you do drink, man, you just feel terrible. Like you feel guilty and full of shame and disappointment in yourself like you are a failure. Like you just can’t do it. And if your mentality is like it’s all or nothing, there’s no room for moderation, there’s no room for occasionally. There’s no way that you can have a healthy relationship with alcohol or with sugar.
You have to have like, no relationship at all. Like that’s the mentality is that you can’t have a healthy relationship. So you have to have zero relationship at all, like total abstinence. And here’s what I’m just trying to propose today is like, there’s a different way of doing this.
Instead of having no relationship with alcohol, no relationship with junk food, like junk foods, okay, every now and then, you know, but here’s the thing, instead of having an unhealthy relationship with those things, what if you had a healthy relationship with those things? So there are other ways of doing it, you can actually change your habits and change the relationship with food and with alcohol and do it in a way that is, okay.
Now, I’m a big proponent of staying away from junk food. Honestly, I really am. And I’m a big proponent of staying away from sugar for the most part, and I don’t drink. Okay, that’s a choice that I’m making. I’ll talk more about that in a minute. But here’s the thing. If you want to drink alcohol, you can. If you want to eat a burger and fries every now and then you can. If you want to eat a candy bar, you can you just have to like work on your relationship with the thing.
Now I want to share with you an example of how this plays out in my life in a little bit of a different way. Like an actual relationship with a person. Okay, so about 18 months ago, my wife and I got divorced, we both had just moved to this new building near downtown Cincinnati, and we both love the building. So we both decided we were going to stay in the same building.
So we both live in the same building on different floors. And so we see each other every now and then, okay. And it’s not that big of a deal. Rarely, so I’ll occasionally see her and her new boyfriend, you know, hanging out at the pool or something like that. And it’s not really a problem, I’m kind, you know, we’re friendly with each other, we all get along.
But here’s the thing, I get advice from people, like people I know, they’ll tell me, like, you should just move somewhere else, or you just don’t ever talk to her, if you see or go talk, you know, walk away, go the other way, don’t engage in conversation. You know, like, you need to, like cut off all ties with her like 100% no relationship at all right?
And instead of doing that, because that’s not what I want, instead of trying to eliminate this person from my life, because that’s not reality, you know, I’m going to see her around, and it’s okay. Instead of trying to eliminate the relationship and make it an all-or-nothing type of deal, I’m working on changing the relationship I’ve worked on and successfully changed the relationship so that there’s not any drama around it, that’s not energetically charged anymore.
It’s not emotionally challenging anymore, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing situation, I can still see her around, I can say hi, we can stop and chat, I can, you know, have a conversation with her and her boyfriend at the pool. And it’s no big deal, I’ve effectively changed the relationship with my ex from a, you know, romantic partnership, to a platonic friendship.
And this is kind of, I mean, it’s such a good analogy, I think, to our relationship with food or to alcohol, or even with, you know, exercise in general, we can change the relationship and make it into something that is healthy. And that we can do in a different way, we can change the relationship, we don’t have to cut off the relationship. Okay.
So the way this works around food and stuff like that, is that, you know, for the same way that I can be around my ex in this building and stuff, I can be around sugar, I can be around people drinking, and I don’t have those cravings anymore. There’s no increased desire for these things in my life, the desire is not there.
Like the desire for my ex is not there the desire for you know, sugar is really just not there. I’ve changed my relationship with food and alcohol, I don’t have to abstain from you know, ever seeing alcohol or ever being around it. I don’t have to abstain from sugar or never eating it again, I can do it occasionally. I’ve changed the relationship.
You know, I love my son and I will do like taco night, sometimes we’ll go out to this place and we’ll get chips and salsa and tacos and all this stuff, a lot of carbs, you know, and I’m pretty much don’t eat carbs, you know, but I’ll go and I’ll enjoy myself and I’ll have fun doing that. And then the next day, I just go back to doing what I normally do. It’s no big deal. Right? I’ve changed my relationship with the food. Okay.
And when you change the relationship, there’s so much freedom in that, because now you’re free to do what you want to do. Because I’m here to tell you that if you want to drink alcohol, but you’re just forcing yourself not to and you’re just trying to white knuckle your way through your life without it. This is going to be so much harder for you than if you say you know what, instead of never drinking again, I just want to drink you know, on Saturday nights.
You know, that way I can just sleep in the next day. It’s not a big deal. Yeah, I know I’m not going to feel great but it’s not like the day before a long run, and like you know you can do it in a way that feels good for you. This is a powerful skill that you can master okay.
And here’s the other thing I want to make sure you understand is that for some people, the all or nothing, you know, principle the all or nothing mentality does work and they actually feel good about not making a decision to never drink alcohol again, or never eating junk food again. And if you’re the kind of person who’s like, you know, I just don’t ever want to drink again, or I don’t ever want to eat candy bars ever in your life, and you feel good about that.
And that motivates you? And that mentality kind of strengthens your resolve that keeps you on track and fuels you and it feels good for you. As long as it’s not making you feel deprived or demotivated or increasing your desire for it, it’s totally fine. If this kind of thinking works for you, then absolutely go for it. There’s nothing wrong with this line of thinking unless it makes you crave the thing more unless it makes you feel terrible.
Okay, you don’t have to decide that you’re never going to drink again, or never eat out or never eat sugar again. So I quit drinking alcohol 14 years ago, and when I made that decision to quit, I just so happen to have quit 100% and have never had a drop of alcohol since that day in 2007. That was not my intention when I quit.
When I quit. I was like, I just can’t do this anymore, I need to just like cut back. And, um, and I, you know, was in therapy and you know, involved in like some 12 Step programs and things like that. And my experience was that for me, it was better if I just didn’t pick it up if I just didn’t drink, you know, and I never made the decision, like, I’m going to quit this for the rest of my life.
I just decided that I was going to make this decision sort of a one-day at a time kind of a deal. So it’s like today, I’m just not going to drink it, we’ll see how it goes. And then the next day, I kind of made that same decision, and so on and so forth. And so I’ve sort of just kept that same mentality of like, if I want to drink I can, it’s not like I can’t, but I just don’t want to I don’t have that desire, okay.
But early on, especially in the 12 step programs, you know, I was told and I firmly believed at the time that if I had just like one drop of alcohol, I’d be back to drinking a six-pack every night in no time I’d be like, you know, end up in jail or dead, you know, to scare the crap out of me.
You know, I hear people talk about how, you know, they had many, many years of sobriety, and then they’d had one drink, and then it was all over, they’re right back to where they were before. And there was, you know, all this turmoil in their life and everything they had worked for so hard, just all fell apart, and their lives turned to crap.
And I’m just like, oh, my gosh, I don’t want that. So I better not drink at all. And here’s the thing I’ll tell you like, today, I don’t really believe this is true for everyone. It hasn’t been shown to be true. Like I know a lot of people who were sober for many years, and maybe they had a slip-up, maybe they drank once or twice, and then they didn’t go to jail. They’re not dead. They weren’t suddenly struck homeless and living in a gutter or anything like that.
They didn’t lose all the good stuff in their life. You know, they didn’t drink and then they drank, and then they don’t drink again. And it’s no big what you know, I think we get into this idea of like, it has to be one or the other. Like, it has to be binary. You know, and when we have this all or nothing mentality.
Occasionally having a drink is it’s forbidden. It’s completely off the table. You know why? Because well, you can’t control your drinking, you’re an alcoholic, or you can never drink again, you know, whatever things you tell yourself.
I was having coffee with a friend recently. And, you know, she had quit drinking many years ago as well. And we’ve both abstained from drinking, you know, but she decided not too long ago that she wanted to have a relationship with alcohol again. So now she occasionally drinks and she’s good with that.
You know, and we were both under this idea that once you start, you can’t stop and but that hasn’t been the case for her. So she can enjoy a glass of wine every now and then with friends. She can moderate her drinking. She feels good about her decision. Okay, she’s changed how she thinks and feels about alcohol. She’s changed the relationship with alcohol instead of having zero relationship with alcohol. She has a healthy relationship with alcohol now, and it’s the exact same thing with our food.
Like we can decide that we want to occasionally have a cupcake we can decide that we occasionally want to eat pizza. And this is where there’s freedom. Okay, you can do these things in a way that feels good for you, and you can change the relationship without having to swear it off forever.
So what about me, am I going to like try this experiment of like drinking again? Well, talking to this friend of mine got me really thinking about this idea. Like, if I wanted to drink again, I could probably do it in a way that is completely fine. And that feels good for me, I could change the relationship.
But I got to just tell you, like, I don’t want that for myself, I don’t have any desire to drink alcohol, or to feel buzzed or to get drunk or any of that stuff. I just don’t. I can drink if I want to, but I’m choosing not to. And this is a little bit different than my relationship with food. Because my relationship with food is a little bit different.
I will occasionally have some sweets or some, you know, sugar or some, you know, special dessert, or, you know, something that’s just like bread, you know, lots of carbs, I can occasionally do this stuff. Okay. But as far as drinking is concerned, I just don’t have the desire for it.
You know, that desire left me a long time ago, and I just don’t want it. Okay. So, and I’m not making this decision forever about alcohol. Like I might change my mind someday. And I might say, like, you know, what I might, you know, try drinking again. But for today, I don’t have that desire, and I’m not gonna drink today.
But like, as far as like, the junk food and the sugar and stuff like that, like, I’ve thought about this. And, you know, here’s something that I used to love when I would go to California and visit family out there. I love going to In and Out Burger, right? They have these great burgers and fries. And it’s like, milkshakes or whatever.
I’ll do that someday, you know, but it’s not something I’m doing like all the time, I don’t have to have it. I’m not thinking about it all the time, I don’t have this over desire for that kind of thing. But I’ll go and eat something like that. I love sourdough bread. I’d love to get, you know, a good loaf of sourdough bread when I go to San Francisco, or, you know, eat that special dessert on my birthday, or because it’s, you know, Christmas or something like that.
I can do those things. And I feel really good about it. I’ve changed my relationship with food. And if you’re thinking about like, well, how can I do this for myself, you know, I just want you to like, take on this attitude of like, I don’t have to swear off drinking forever, I don’t have to swear off eating sugar for forever. But maybe just for today is a good place to start.
Maybe adopting that idea that they talked about in some of these 12 Step programs is like, just for today, I’m not gonna drink just for today, I’m not going to eat sugar. And don’t even worry about tomorrow, just think about what you can do today.
And when you think about it this way it doesn’t feel so big and overwhelming anymore. It doesn’t feel like you have to quit for the rest of your life or you’re a failure, you can just decide. Today, I just don’t want that. You know.
Another big problem that I think happens when we adopt this all or nothing mentality is that we feel like we’re out of control. Like, you can’t control your drinking. So you have to quit forever. You can’t control your eating, and or you know, your sugar intake. So you have to just quit forever. Maybe you’ve been told you have an addictive personality or you thought that you had something like that. Okay?
But what if you can control your drinking? What if you can control your eating? You just haven’t learned how to do it? What if there’s no such thing as an addictive personality? I did a little research into this.
And in her book, The Unbroken Brain: A Revolutionary New Way of Understanding Addiction, Maya, I’m gonna screw up her last name, but it’s like Szalavitz Maya says fundamentally, the idea of a general addictive personality is a myth. People with addictions or potential addicts cannot be identified by a specific collection of personality traits. So there you go. Maybe the addictive personality is not really a thing.
Here’s the thing, you always have a choice. Everything you do is a choice. The decision that you make is a choice that you are making. It’s not something that is out of control. You always have the ability to be in control or to take back control if you think you’ve lost it because you really haven’t lost control.
You just think you have you know, maybe you’ve been told that you don’t have control and you’re choosing to believe that but a lot of times it’s just a thought, feeling, action pattern that you’ve been doing for a long time. So you may not feel like you’re in control because your thoughts and feelings about eating junk food and drinking are just like automatic.
And this behavior that you’re engaging in is like something you do, mostly unconsciously. You know, it’s kind of like tying your shoes, it’s just something you do, you can do it without even thinking about it right? Eating and drinking can be the same way. It’s such an ingrained habit that you feel like you’re out of control, but you’re actually making decisions, okay, you do have control.
And if you want to see this, what you need to do is just slow down. Right? If you want to see that you do have control, pause, when you’re, you know, about to engage in this behavior. And start looking at the thoughts and feelings that precede the behavior. Like what were you thinking and feeling right before you found yourself with a glass of wine in your hand, you know, what thoughts and feelings drove the action of eating the burger and fries, the milkshake.
And I don’t want you to skip this step like this is important, I want you to get curious with yourself. Start to become aware of how those thoughts and feelings are driving your behavior. Because if you want to change the behavior, you’ve got to look at the thoughts and feelings that are driving it. When you begin to see that there’s a pattern at work here, a thought feeling reaction pattern, you can begin to take back the control, you can see that you are in control.
And this is how you begin to change the behavior. And do it in a way that actually works. Instead of just saying like, I just got to quit this forever. So it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, okay? If that all or nothing mentality works for you love it, do it, keep it going right on, get down with your bad self.
But if you want something different, if that doesn’t work for you, if that feels terrible for you, and you want to just like instead of avoiding a relationship with, with certain types of foods or alcohol, you want to change the relationship, you still want to have a relationship, but you want to be different to a healthy relationship, then that is possible for you, you can control your eating and your drinking. And you got to start by looking at your thoughts and feelings about sugar, about burgers and fries, about alcohol.
And once you start to be aware of how your thoughts and feelings are, you know driving the action, you can begin to change them so that you can take different actions, okay. And this, the same principles apply to everything in your walk of life.
Like these same principles apply to my relationship with my ex-wife, and it works beautifully. Like it works. Great. My relationship with her today is good. You know, not because of anything she’s doing. Because I’ve learned how to change the way I think and feel about this relationship. I’ve created a healthier relationship.
You know, my relationship with food today is good. Not because it’s never around, not because I avoid, you know, carbs or sugar 100% of the time. It’s not because I made a solemn oath to swear these things off forever. It’s because I’ve changed the relationship. Right? I’ve changed how I show up around these things.
And this is available for you too. I just want you to see that. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. All or nothing sometimes works for people, but sometimes it just feels too. It’s too much. It’s overwhelming. Okay.
So be sure to join us over in the Running Lean coaching group because in August, we’re taking a deep dive into this whole idea of like changing your thought, feeling, action patterns, you know, how do you how do these things show up? How do you change them so you can start getting the results that you want around things like weight loss or maybe controlling your drinking or changing your running or just improving your overall health and fitness?
If you’re interested in joining the group love to have you in there just check out runningleanpodcast.com/join and we’ll see you soon. And listen, I hope you got something out of this episode today. I had fun putting this together.
And if you did get something out of it. Please consider sharing it with a friend I love you all keep on Running Lean. I’ll talk to you soon.
If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.
When you think of discipline, what comes to mind? For some, it conjures up images of obeying rules and doling out punishment for anyone who disobeys. But when I think of discipline I think of …
Continue Reading about 82. Practicing the Art of Discipline →
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Hey there, and welcome to episode 82 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners, and today we’re going to be talking about practicing the art of discipline. So when you think of discipline, what comes to mind, because for some people, it conjures up images of like obeying rules. And if you don’t obey the rules, there’s a punishment being doled out.
But when I think of discipline, I think of training myself to do something on a consistent basis training myself to do something day in and day out. And it’s usually something that I don’t really feel like doing, but I do it anyway. So I never think of discipline as a punishment, but rather, as a means of achieving whatever worthwhile thing that I want for myself.
So if there’s something big that you want for yourself, I’m telling you right now, there’s no like magic formula to making it easy. It just takes practicing the art of discipline to get it. So that’s what we’re gonna be talking about today. Cool.
If you guys haven’t already checked it out, please come join us in the Facebook group, just search for Running Lean community on Facebook, the group goes hand in hand with the podcast, it’s a bunch of people just like you that are cool. And that are into running and maybe want to feel better and want to get leaner and get stronger and run faster and run longer than they ever could before. And that’s what we do.
This month, we’re kind of having some fun with the dry July challenge. We’ve been kind of challenging ourselves to take a break from alcohol for the month of July. And a lot of people have been posting some really positive experiences from doing this. Because a lot of times you don’t even realize that you feel much better when you’re not doing something like drinking alcohol every day or eating sugar every day.
You know, and then you’re just like, well, I feel amazing. You know, I didn’t even know that I could feel this good. Because I’m just not used to this. So there’s nothing wrong with alcohol, alcohol is fine is drinking is awesome, but whatever. But if you’re trying to lose weight, or you know you want to improve your running performance, it may be something you want to explore cutting out. So anyway, join us over in the Facebook group and check it out. Search for Running Lean community on Facebook and join us in the fun.
And here’s a quick little review that somebody posted about the podcast. So this is from Cara Lee and she says, “I only recently found this podcast, and I’m absolutely loving it. Love the podcast about stress. I’m one that’s always hated hills. But after listening to it and thinking of how to get stronger the next morning off, I went to do hill work with your voice inside my head. It was super motivating. And I went back to a few more podcast episodes. So now I’m hooked. So thanks and keep them coming.”
Thank you Kelly for posting that. And share your thoughts about the podcast. I love, love, love doing this podcast and I love when you guys tell me that it’s resonating with you. And if you want to leave a review, you can always do that on like Apple podcasts. Just go to the section where it says leave a review, tap the stars write a few words. And I so appreciate it I read all those reviews and I so appreciate it when you guys do that.
And then lastly, I’ve got a big announcement for you guys. Here’s a big update. I am opening up the Running Lean monthly coaching group starting now. So you can join now this is like something I’m just I didn’t do a lot of build-up to this I just want you to know that it is open and you can join today if you want to.
So what is the monthly coaching group? Well, it’s a group of like-minded people who are all working together to accomplish some big goals right it could be weight loss, it could be just improving your overall health and it could be becoming a more badass runner. It could be like improving your mental and emotional state so that you don’t keep doing the emotional eating and learning how to make all of these habits so that it lasts for the rest of your life.
So it’s a monthly membership program you get access to my online training materials, the weight loss training course for runners. My goal-setting course is called achieving the impossible which is how to create an extraordinary life by going after unrealistic goals. That’s super fun.
You get weekly live coaching with me. So this is a big change. I was only doing this every other week. And I’ve decided that I’m going to give more value to the group. So we’re going to start doing coaching every single week on a group zoom call. And so you’ll get personalized guidance and feedback. And you can hear other people being coached on some of the same things that you’re experiencing.
And you learn, even if you’re not getting the individual coaching if I’m not talking directly to you, hearing somebody else getting coached on a similar topic is so, so helpful. You get the support and the encouragement of people that are just like you and they’re going through the same things, you get accountability.
So we’re going to help you stay on track and help you move toward your goals. It’s a lot of fun to oh my gosh, these calls and this group is such a great group of people, oh my gosh, I do record all the coaching calls so that you’ll have access to them all on a website. And they’re all organized by month.
We’re doing something also new starting in August, we’re doing a topic of the month. So we’re going to focus all of our calls and a lot of the work that we’re going to be doing in August is going to be focused around taking a deep dive into this thought, feeling, action patterns that we have, like, how are your thought feeling action patterns keeping you stuck? And how can you start harnessing the power of your thoughts and your feelings to start getting better results in all kinds of areas of your life, you know. If you find yourself, you just can’t seem to stick to your food plan, you just can’t seem to lose the weight, you just keep getting stuck.
We’re going to talk about how to change your thoughts and feelings about this so that you can start getting unstuck, and start getting better results in your life. Okay. So just go to runningleanpodcast.com/join and you can just sign up today, you can join us we’ve got a members only Facebook group where we’ll all be posting more information about the next group call.
So it’s going to be every Tuesday from now on every Tuesday evening is when we do these group zoom calls. So I would love love, love for you to join us. And the other thing is that I’m not going to close the group, it’s just going to be open from now on.
Now, I want you to know why I’m doing this. I did it in the past because I wanted to, you know, I open the group, maybe once a quarter. And I wanted people to kind of go through the material together and sort of learn together. But I found that a lot of people wanted to join, and they were ready to join. But I was like, well, you’ve got to wait a couple of months.
And I don’t want that I want you to join when you’re ready. If you’re ready today, I would encourage you to just take some action and join. And you can start getting some amazing results in these different places in your life. Cool. So just go to runningleanpodcast.com/join, and we’ll see you over in the Running Lean monthly coaching group.
Okay, so let’s get into this topic today, which is practicing the art of discipline. So before we get into what discipline is, I want to talk a little bit about what we typically think we need in order to accomplish something big, which is motivation, a lot of people think, oh, you know, I need to feel motivated in order to like do something I need to feel motivated in order to take action.
And a lot of people look at their lack of motivation as a reason why they don’t do something. So let’s say you’re trying to stick to your food plan, and you just don’t feel like it. It’s like I’m not motivated to stick to my food plan. So that’s why I didn’t do it. And I’m going to explain a little bit, you know, why the motivation seems to like fade away.
But this is where discipline is going to trump motivation, like every single time, right? But what is motivation? So the definition of motivation is the general desire or willingness of someone to do something. So it’s like a desire and a willingness to do something, right. It’s a, it’s a desire and willingness to take action. Right?
Now, here’s what here’s what’s not the definition of motivation. Motivation is not something that is external. It’s not something that’s outside of you. Motivation is not something that gets bestowed upon you. Motivation is an emotion, it’s a feeling. It’s created within you. You create motivation by your thoughts.
Because if it’s an emotion, it’s created by your thoughts 100% of the time. And motivation is awesome and it can get you really, it can help you to take action. feeling motivated will get you into action, for sure. It’s a driving force. Feeling motivated can definitely help you to do something that maybe you don’t necessarily feel like doing.
Okay, but what happens when the motivation sort of fades away? What happens when you don’t feel like doing something? You know, what happens when you are all excited about losing weight? And so you, you know, maybe you get to change a food plan, you know, maybe you hire a coach, you know, maybe you’re like all gung ho about, you know what, what the future holds for you, and you’re super excited, and you’re like, on track, and you’re like, super motivated, and you’ve got this energy around you and, and you’re excited.
But what happens after a couple of weeks of doing this, and, and that motivation and that excitement, and that energy sort of fades away, then what do you do? Like, how do you keep going? You know, motivation is great for getting you started and getting you into action. But then how do you keep going when you don’t feel like it?
And this is where discipline comes into play. Because when your motivation is gone, you need something else to keep you going. And think about this, like people joining a gym in January, like how many people are motivated and excited to join a gym in January, right? Millions of people, you know, the gyms are so packed in January and February, but by March, I’m telling you, they’re like empty again, there’s like, you know, it’s like, all these people, their motivation went away.
And they were like, yeah, just don’t feel like doing this anymore. And so what happens when that, you know, motivation is no longer there? Well, you need something stronger to keep you going, you need something that’s going to keep you going for the long haul. And this is where we need discipline, we need to practice discipline.
So what is discipline? Well, discipline is training oneself to do something in a controlled and habitual way. So this is like I love this definition, by the way, training yourself to do something in a controlled and habitual way. Discipline is what creates what it takes to create new habits, right?
Discipline is doing something, even when you don’t feel like it. Discipline means you’re suiting up and showing up every single day, no matter what. So motivation might be that thing that gets you started. But discipline is the thing that’s going to keep you going.
So you might have been motivated when you signed up for that marathon. But then the training started, you’re gonna need some discipline to get you through the months of training, especially if you’re training in any kind of, you know, sub-optimal weather like so around here, this part of the country, if you’re training for a spring marathon, you’re doing all your training in the winter, and it’s dark, and it’s cold, and it’s windy, and it kinda can suck.
And then if you’re training for a fall marathon, guess what, it’s all the opposite. It’s sunny and hot and humid. And it sucks, like, so, motivation is not going to be there, I promise you, at some point, during that marathon training, you’re going to need to get into practicing discipline, or you’re just not going to make it through there through the training.
And you might be motivated when you made the decision to lose weight. So you may have, you know, gotten, you know, finally ready to drop the 40 pounds or whatever you’ve been carrying around and you’re like, you know what, I am finally going to do this for myself and I’m motivated and excited and you’ve got this energy.
And then after a few weeks, you know, you’re just like sticking with this food plan, you’re just not motivated anymore. Discipline is going to keep you on that food plan when you don’t feel like it. Okay? Accomplishing anything worthwhile is going to require practicing the art of discipline, there’s just no other way around it.
Discipline is not the fun and sexy and exciting stuff. Discipline means you’re doing the boring stuff over and over and over again, day in and day out. It’s like discipline is like getting up early, every single day so you can hit the gym and work out. Discipline means like, you know, whatever the run is on your schedule for today just doing it. Right.
It may not be fun. It may not be what you feel like doing but you do it anyway. Discipline is sticking to that food plan. Even though it’s not exciting. Even the food is kind of like it’s a little boring. It’s okay. It means sticking to it anyway. And listen, I totally get that discipline is not easy. It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. It’s unfamiliar and just by the nature of it, like, you’re not gonna feel like doing it, you’re not gonna feel like sticking with it.
But this is the work of discipline, practicing the art of discipline is the work that you have to do. So I want to like challenge you to stop looking outside of yourself for motivation, before you do something, stop waiting to feel motivated before you take action. Because in the grand scheme of things, discipline beats motivation every single time. And here’s something cool. Like when you practice discipline when you get disciplined, and you do something, even though you don’t feel like doing it, oftentimes, just the act of doing, getting out there, and doing the thing will create a ton of motivation for you.
So like, when you don’t feel like running when you’re not motivated to run, and you go head out the door anyway, you will often get super motivated to keep going. So you get out there and you run a mile or so and you’re like, I do not feel like doing this. But then after a mile and a half, two miles, you’re like, you know, I’m feeling pretty good. After three miles, you’re like, you know, I’m actually pretty pumped about this.
People tell me this all the time. They’re like, you know what, Patrick, I didn’t feel like running. But then I did it. Anyway, I headed out the door. And I had like, the most amazing run, I hit a PR for my 5k time or I just had this amazing long run. And they feel super pumped about themselves. And they feel super motivated. That motivation was not there.
Before they headed out the door, they created that motivation, from discipline from being disciplined. Right, so you create the motivation by taking the action. Okay, I love this, I love this idea. Because it means that you have more control and more power.
Like you don’t have to just feel a certain way in order to like, get amazing results. Here’s an example. Like, I did not feel like lifting weights yesterday, I’ve been a little under the weather, I’ve got a little bug of something, you know, a little sore throat, I’ve been taking my temperature, I don’t have a fever or anything like that.
But I just feel like I’ve been out in the public more, I think it’s, you know, I just got some bug or something, you know, so I’m just feeling a little under the weather. So I hit the gym yesterday. And I did not feel like lifting weights, I was a little rundown, a little achy. And I was just like, I do not want to do this. And I told my trainer, Chris, I was like, dude, I just feel terrible today. So I’m just gonna, like take it easy, you know, when I was kind of giving myself an out.
And so I found myself putting a bunch of weight on the bar to do some back squats. And actually had a back squat PR yesterday, and I tied my deadlift PR yesterday. And I have to tell you that I didn’t think I was going to be able to do that. And for whatever reason, I just was like, let’s see what we can do. And I did it.
And I have to tell you like after I hit those two like PRs, I was so motivated, it was super motivating. I felt amazing. And the rest of my workout was so good. And I felt so proud of myself for sticking with it. And for showing up and doing what was hard. That’s the hard stuff, you guys, it’s not easy.
You know, maybe you’re like part of our dry July challenge in the Facebook group. And maybe you’re not drinking right now. And I know that this is not easy to do. Like if you’re in the habit of drinking on a regular basis, and then you decide you’re going to like take 30 days off or, you know, just even a few weeks or whatever. Like that could be very challenging, right.
But, you know, let’s say you, you decide you’re just going to skip that after-work happy hour on Friday, you know, and you’re not motivated to do this at all. You’re not going to feel like this is a good idea in the moment. Okay? But because you’re practicing the art of discipline, you say no.
And you see your friends leave and they all go hit the bar. And what you do is you say no, and you go home and you get in a nice run instead. Or maybe you hit the gym. Or maybe you just spend some time playing with your kids. And then I promise you, you’re going to feel something, you’re going to feel accomplished.
You’re going to feel a sense of pride in yourself. You’re going to gain confidence, you’re going to build trust with yourself, and this feeling that you have is just going to it’s going to feel so amazing and so motivating to keep you going back and keep you doing that and keep you staying on your plan.
And you’re gonna feel so good about yourself. Motivation is a feeling it’s an emotion it’s created by our thoughts. Right, discipline is taking action despite how you think and feel despite what your thoughts and feelings are in that moment. You may not think what you’re about to do is a good idea. It may seem like a dumb idea to not go to the bar with your friends, it may seem like you’re missing out on something, you may feel like, you know, left out, you know, you may feel sad, or you may feel, you know, frustrated by that.
And you’re taking action, despite those thoughts and despite those feelings, this is kind of cool. I mean, this is powerful, powerful stuff. And I want you to think about it this way, too. You are already practicing discipline in other areas of your life. And it’s funny because I hear people say, like, well, I’m in disciplined in this area over here, but I just can’t be disciplined in this area of my life.
So for example, like, I’m sure there’s probably been a time where you didn’t feel like going to work, you get up in the morning, and you’re like, I do not feel like going to work today. But you get up, you brush your teeth, you put your clothes on, you take a shower, whatever you do, get in your car, you drive to work, and you do it no matter what.
Or maybe you don’t feel like walking your dog every day at 4:30 in the morning, you know, whatever. But there you are out there in the cold walking the dog. And maybe you don’t feel like taking your kids to soccer practice again. But there you are doing it. And so you might argue, well, Patrick, the stakes are high, you know, with these things like you can’t lose your job, you can’t have poop on the carpet, you know, you can’t let your kids grow up to be mediocre soccer players. Think that’s funny. I’m glad I cracked myself up.
Because, I mean, there’s nobody else here. So it’s just me. You know, and I would argue that your health and your well-being and your fitness are pretty high stakes too. And I say that, if it isn’t for you, it should be. Because if you don’t have that, like what else do you have, you know, you’re not going to be there for your kids and your dog and your family and things like that, right?
So you’re already practicing this in other areas of your life, I just want you to see that. And understand that you can take that same mentality of like, I have to show up to my job, the stakes are high to your health and fitness. You know, you can absolutely apply those same principles here. Okay.
So instead of waiting to be, you know, struck with motivation, instead of waiting to be bestowed with motivation, practice the art of discipline. And I call it an art because it isn’t like an art form is something that you create, and you get to make it your own, you get to do it, however, you want to do it. You get to decide what discipline looks like for you. And then you get to practice it.
And just like an artist has to practice their craft to get better at it. You have to practice discipline to get better at it. And I understand this, it doesn’t come naturally. Our natural instinct is not to be disciplined, our natural instinct is to seek comfort. And discipline is oftentimes the opposite of that it’s uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel good sometimes. And that’s okay. Because here’s the thing, the more you practice it, the easier it becomes, the more you practice it, the better you get at it, just like anything else in your life.
Also, the art of discipline is making tiny decisions. It’s making little choices consistently over time. Every huge success is really just a series of small decisions that are made consistently, every single day. And all these tiny little actions, all these tiny things that you do all these tiny choices that you make, they can add up to something huge, something big, powerful.
I heard the saying that an ant can eat an elephant, one teeny tiny bite at a time. But this requires discipline. It’s not going to happen quickly. Motivation won’t get you there. So what is your elephant? What’s the big, seemingly impossible goal that you want for yourself? What is it that you want to become? That seems so huge?
It’s just like, there’s no way you could ever do it? And how can you take one teeny tiny bite of that today? And then what can you do tomorrow? And then the next day and so on? What little tiny decisions are you making in this moment right now? Can you lace up your running shoes and head out the door? Even though you don’t feel like it? Can you say no to the pizza that your husband brought home for dinner? Because yeah, that’s not part of your plan.
Can you skip the glass of wine after dinner because you said you weren’t drinking? Like I can say with almost certainty that you will not feel like doing these things you will not feel like running, you will not feel like saying no to the pizza. I mean, it’s pizza. Come on, right? You’re not gonna feel like saying no to the glass of wine. But can you do them anyway? Because that’s what discipline looks like.
Things just don’t happen, right, you make things happen. And in order to make things happen, you have to take action, and taking action requires discipline. And like I said before when you practice this, you get good at it, it becomes easier. There’s another side to this too, like, when you practice slacking off, you get good at that too. slagging off can be an art form, too.
You know, people get really creative and really fanciful with the excuses and reasons why they didn’t do what they said they’re going to do, you know, things are crazy at work, right now, the kids are out of school, you know, so you know, that means or it’s hot this time of the year, it’s cold this time of the year, whatever.
Like, we can get really fanciful and creative with all these excuses. And, and we’re good at this already, we’re good at coming up with excuses for not to do something. What if you instead practiced the opposite, you know, and took a different approach? Instead of practicing excuse as you practiced doing, you practiced taking action, even when the motivation wasn’t there, even when you didn’t feel like it.
So you got some work to do this week, I want you to practice the art of discipline and however that looks for you. Like, maybe you just set your alarm earlier, and you get your butt out of bed. You know, maybe you stick to that running schedule, you lace up your running shoes, and you head out the door. Maybe it’s saying no to that party after work and happy hour and hitting the gym instead. Don’t wait to feel motivated before taking action. Create those feelings of motivation by taking action, even when you don’t feel like it. Okay?
This is all about doing stuff. This is about taking action. So it’s not enough to just listen to this podcast and say, hey, cool stuff, bro. I get it. No, you got to do it. You got to practice it, nothing changes if nothing changes. So I want you to pick something. Pick one thing that you want to be disciplined about this week and stick to it. Do it even though you don’t feel like it, practice it.
And then jump into our Facebook group and post your results. Let’s talk about it. I would love to hear what you’re practicing this week. Because we’re there to support you. We’re here to help you and encourage you. And you know, just you know, celebrate you when you do stick to it for this week. Okay, cool.
You totally got this, you guys. I hope you got something out of this episode today. If you did, please consider sharing it with a friend. I love you all keep on Running Lean. I’ll talk to you soon.
If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.
We often think of stress as being something annoying, a mental or emotional issue, but stress can also have serious implications on our physical health as well. The NIH (National Institutes of …
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Hey there, and welcome to episode 81 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners, and today we’re talking about stress, in particular, good stress and bad stress. So we often think of stress as being just something that is annoying. It’s like a mental or emotional issue. But stress can also have serious implications on our physical health as well.
The NIH, National Institutes of Health, says that continued strain on your body from routine stress could lead to serious health problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, anxiety disorder, and other serious illnesses. But here’s the thing, stress is not always a bad thing.
There’s another side of stress that’s actually considered not just good for us but actually required in order for us to grow and thrive as humans. In other words, some types of stress are bad and should be avoided, and some are considered good and should be embraced. So today on the podcast, I’m going to talk about good stress and bad stress, which types are detrimental, and which are considered beneficial for our health and well-being.
But first, hey, if you like this podcast, you have to come check us out on Facebook, the Running Lean podcast community is a group of positive, like-minded people, the group goes hand in hand with this podcast, it extends the conversation that we’re having here on this podcast, it gives you a chance to have a voice. So you can ask questions and get answers and feel supported and get encouragement and inspiration.
And this month, in the Facebook group, we’re doing the dry July challenge, which is we’re giving up alcohol for the month of July. And just to see how that affects our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
And a lot of people are getting some pretty interesting, positive results from just not drinking, you know, they didn’t realize that they had, that they could have so much more energy, or that maybe their weight loss was really stalled because they were drinking or they just feel better, you know, or maybe their running is improved.
So this is an opportunity for you to kind of check us out and take a challenge with us. And the dry July challenge is something we’re just doing for the rest of this month. But I mean, you can do this anytime you want, right? It’s just a chance to like take a break from alcohol to see how it feels for you, right?
So if you’re one of those people that just wants a little bit more than what you’re getting here on the podcast, come and check us out in the Facebook group. I do some weekly coaching and teaching in the group as well. So we sort of have more than what you get here on the podcast. Okay. And it’s fun. Did I mention that we’re fun? So just search for Running Lean community on Facebook and join us over there.
And if you ever want a little help with all this stuff, like speaking of stress, I understand how stressful it can be to try to figure out what’s the right diet, you know, what’s the right exercise regimen? How much running should I be doing? What does strength training look like? You know, I want to like stop eating sugar, but I’m not sure exactly how to do that. What does it mean to be fat-adapted? How does that work? Like? How do I do that?
This can be kind of confusing, and I get it, I totally get it. And that’s why I work one on one with you as your coach. I work with runners every single day who are becoming the healthiest and most badass versions of themselves. And a coach is there to help guide you provide experience, expertise, support, encouragement, motivation.
And one of the most important parts of coaching is accountability. People tell me all the time. Yeah, I wasn’t going to stick to my plan, but then I knew I was going to be talking to you later today. So I definitely went for my run. Or I did the workout I said I was going to do or I didn’t eat cake because I knew that I would have to report it to you and tell you that I did that and I didn’t want to feel like I let you down or feel like I let myself down so that accountability is a huge part of coaching.
And just coaching is just one of those things that helps you stay on track and helps you to achieve goals you have. Goals that otherwise seem pretty daunting and pretty hard to do on your own. If you’re interested in coaching, just go to runningleanpodcast.com/apply. And that’s it. Well, you and I will jump on a quick zoom call, we’ll have a conversation, and we’ll just see if this is something that you’re interested in. Cool. Awesome.
Okay, let’s get into this topic of stress today. So I was doing a little bit of research on this. And I came across some pretty interesting stuff, which I’ll be sharing with you here in a moment. But I just want you to know that there’s this sort of stigma around stress and like stress just being all bad.
And I just have to say that there is another side of stress that is good and required, and absolutely essential for certain functions here. So I’m going to get into all of that. But just let’s talk about what stress is. So, you know, there’s the one type of stress that we really kind of focus on is this chronic stress, okay, this is where, you know, maybe it’s because of your job, or because of relationship issues or financial issues or whatever.
You are in a state of chronically elevated stress hormones, you are chronically worried about things, you’re chronically angry about things, you’re chronically fearful, or in some sort of conflict. And this is the bad kind of stress. So chronic stress is the kind of stress that we really want to avoid.
Because your body in a state of chronic stress is a sick body. Alright. So chronic stress will manifest in this way where, you know, we constantly have raised cortisol levels, cortisol is the stress hormone. And when we have raised cortisol, we’re always under this like fight or flight mode, like our body is in a state of like, chronic panic mode.
And this is something we’re we’re wired for, it’s something that we’ve evolved as humans to, for a reason, like, stress is a good thing. Okay, so if you’re facing a saber-toothed tiger, you know, it’s good to feel stress in that situation. So, cortisol gets produced, and that raises your blood sugar. And that gives you some energy, your heightened awareness, you know, your awareness is super heightened.
And you’re in this state of like, you know, fight or flight. And, oh, you know, it’s kind of like panic mode, right? And it gives you energy, you know, you get this release of like, sugar into your system so that you can fight or run away. And so this is why stress is this is kind of how we’ve evolved with stress. And it’s normal, and it’s good, it’s a good thing.
Like, we want to be able to experience that moment of stress when we’re faced with some kind of immediate danger like that. You know, and today, though, here’s the thing today is different. Like, we don’t have a saber-toothed tiger, we’re not faced with these types of immediate dangers, like you may step out into the street and not see that a car is coming.
And you know, all of a sudden, you have this burst of adrenaline, cortisol, heightened sense of awareness, and you immediately step back and don’t get hit by the car, like that’s probably about the equivalent of, you know, facing off the saber-toothed tiger.
But what chronic stress looks like today is, you know, you’re just all day at work, you’re worried about things, you’re getting bombarded with emails, and, you know, you’ve got five different managers yelling at you all the time. And then you come home, and maybe you’re in conflict with your partner.
And of course, on the drive home, you’ve had to deal with all this traffic, and you’re just like, we’re in this state of chronically being in panic mode, we’re chronically in that fight or flight mode. And this is not a good place to be at all. It can cause all kinds of issues, all right, we can cause all kinds of physical ailments.
And so we’ve got to really be careful not to fall into the trap of, you know, living our lives in a way where we’re chronically stressing ourselves out. Some other causes of physical stress would be, besides like work-related things, or maybe your relationship, you know, issues would be not getting enough sleep or poor quality sleep, this is going to put your body into a chronic state of stress.
If you never get enough sleep, if you just you’re not getting enough sleep every night or your sleep quality is really terrible, then you’re not getting the rest that you need. And you are going to be in a state of elevated stress all the time. Your diet can cause physical stress on your body.
You know, a diet high in sugar will cause stress and inflammation to your cells. And diets like, like actual like, quote, unquote diets, like when people go on these extreme diets where they’re super low calorie for extended periods of time, that puts your body in a, in a state of stress, that’s not good for you.
Another thing that a lot of people don’t realize they’re doing to themselves, but they work out too much. So they’re actually like, every single day is a hard day, you know, they’re doing two workouts a day all the time. And they’re just like, cranking it out every single day, they’re always they’re stressing out their body, they’re always like going hard, they’re never giving themselves a chance to recover, and repair, and, and get the rest that they need. Right.
So it’s just like too much, too hard, and too often. So we got to be careful about some of these physical causes of stress. And then we have like, emotional stress as well, as well, we have like, you know, like I mentioned, relationship issues, or, you know, some of the leading causes of stress with people is like the death of a loved one.
This is a huge cause of stress for a lot of people or loss of a job, or divorce, or getting married. And I think these two things are funny, it’s like getting married or divorced, or to vote one of two of the most stressful things that can happen in your life, right. And we think of getting married as being such a blissful thing, right? But no, it’s like one of the biggest stressful events in your life, or moving to a new home.
These are all stressful things that cause like emotional stress, okay. And I want to say this about these types of stressors, stressors in our life, like, the real cause of the stress is not these things, you know, getting married is not what’s causing you to be stressed.
Okay, stress is an emotion, stress is a feeling. And we know that all feelings are created by your thoughts. The fact that you are getting married, does not automatically mean that you are going to be stressed out. Getting married is, you know, for a lot of people, it’s just pretty chill and pretty fun. But for a lot of people it isn’t, it’s stressful, because they think it’s got to be perfect.
And they’re worried about how you know about the table seating and about relatives sitting with each other, or you know about the food or about, you know, what kind of cake they’re going to get whatever it is, you know, there’s like a million different decisions to make. Is it going to be as magical as is all the Instagram posts I see about it?
You know, the same thing with like, getting divorced, like it’s the divorce itself does not cause the stress, but it’s your thoughts about the divorce that caused you to feel stressed. It’s not that you know, somebody dies that causes you to feel stress, it’s your thoughts about them and what that means to you, you’re thinking to yourself, I’m never gonna see this person again.
You know, it’s those types of thoughts that cause you to feel stress. Or maybe it’s somebody that you have to, you know, you have to take care of the funeral arrangements and things like that, that can be stressful. But again, it’s all about your thoughts. Okay. I just wanted to like, quickly mention that, like, we’ve talked a lot about this on the podcast, where, you know, our thoughts always cause our feelings and stress is a feeling it’s an emotion, and that we have control over how much of this we want to feel now is sometimes, you know, stress a common and a totally applicable emotion and that experience.
Yeah, it’s okay to feel stressed out when you’re getting divorced or getting married or somebody, somebody dies that you love. It’s totally normal to feel that way. And it’s okay to feel that way. We don’t want to necessarily change that. But I’m just I just want you to know that it isn’t the event itself. It’s always your thoughts about it.
Okay, so anyway, we want to try to prevent these types of emotional stress though, we want to try to prevent these things from becoming chronic. You know, if you get a divorce and it’s been like three years and you still are just eaten up about it, like, that’s something we need to work on, right?
You need to learn how to manage your thoughts and feelings around these types of situations. Yes, it’s okay. If somebody you love dies and you feel stressed, and you feel sadness, and, and all these other emotions, that’s totally normal. But if it’s chronic, that’s when it becomes problematic, okay?
So chronic stress from whatever the cause whether it’s emotional stress, or whether it’s physical stress, you know, from working out too much or not getting enough sleep. Chronic stress can put your body into that panic mode into that fight or flight mode, and it just stays there. So your cortisol, always high, your blood sugar, always high insulin, always elevated, you’re storing fat all the time, because your body’s in this survival mode, right?
It’s not in, you know, the mode of like, you know, everything is cool and chill. It’s like, oh, I got to hold on to all this extra body fat because, you know, I needed it for survival. And this causes a ripple effect on your hormones, you end up you know, feeling hungry all the time, and you end up overeating and you can’t lose weight and your athletic performance suffers, you feel tired and sluggish all the time.
Chronic stress can just lead to all kinds of physical issues. And, you know, I mentioned earlier the NIH talked about, you know, stress-causing heart disease and blood pressure and diabetes, depression, anxiety disorder, and other serious illnesses, and maybe not causing them 100%.
But absolutely, leading to these things and, and a factor in these things becoming prevalent in our lives. Even more disturbing though, according to the American Psychological Association, chronic stress is linked to six leading causes of death, including heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidents, cirrhosis of the liver, and suicide.
This is a problem. Chronic stress is not good, it is not good. And we need to be doing whatever we can to eliminate chronic stress from our lives so that we don’t end up one of these statistics, right. So there’s, there’s another side of stress that I want to talk about here today.
And that is the one I’m just going to call it the good stress. Okay. So we’ve talked about chronic stress and how it can have really detrimental effects on your mental, emotional and physical well-being.
But then there’s a different kind of stress, it’s the good type of stress, which is acute stress. So acute means severe and sudden, acute is short term stress is the kind of stress that’s here momentarily, and then it’s gone. As opposed to chronic stress, which is long-term, it’s ongoing.
Chronic stress is like never-ending there’s no end in sight to it. Okay. So why is acute stress good. So acute stress is actually required, in order to improve certain systematic functions in your body, right, we need to have certain stressors on our systems, in order for them to adapt, grow and improve and get stronger.
Okay, so for example, if you want to get stronger, if you want to build stronger muscles, then you need to do some weight training, you need to do resistance training, you need to overload your muscles, you need to stress out that system.
Like you need to literally lift things that are so heavy that they cause microscopic sub-cellular tears in your muscle fibers so that you will become stronger so that those muscles will then those muscle fibers will grow stronger in repairing themselves, right? This is the overload principle, we overload the muscles so that they will repair and get stronger. But we don’t do this you know, 10 times a day every day, right?
You do weight training a couple of times a week. And then you do it for a short period of time, maybe 30 minutes, maybe an hour, and then you take a day off or two days off. And when you do it this way you’re creating acute stress, acute stress in your muscles. Very short term, very severe, and sudden.
And then you let them rest. You let them prepare, you let them grow and you become stronger in the process. There’s no other way around it, if you want to get stronger, you have to stress your muscles, you got to stress your muscular system, your skeletal muscular system has to be stressed in order for it to get stronger and grow.
Same thing with if you want to become a faster runner like you have to do some sort of speed work, right? For example, sprinting, sprinting is an amazing workout super hard, though, right? But we’re talking about sprinting as fast as you can for like 20 or 30 seconds at a time very, very hard, very acute, very severe, very sudden, very short term, but very stressful, very stressful on the system, on your cardiovascular system.
And on your entire muscular system that is you know, functioning that is up responsible for your muscles functioning properly for good running form, and to get faster as a runner. And so you do like 30 second sprints, then you may rest for a minute or two, you do this like five or six times, and then boom, your workout is done.
And again, it may be 30 minute, 45 minute workout, something like that. It’s very short but very stressful on your system. But then your system responds by becoming more efficient, you become more efficient at running faster, you develop more cardiovascular endurance, from running faster, faster, so you can actually run faster for longer periods, and your muscles become stronger in your form becomes better.
If you want to become a more powerful runner, maybe you do something like hill repeats, right, so this is a terrible workout, right? Pick a hill and run up the hill hard. You know, by the time you get to the top, you should be totally cooked, like your lactic acid should be building up and you should just be like, I can’t run another step. And then you know, jog it back down and do it again, do that six times, right?
Again, we’re stressing out the system, but it’s a very quick, very short bursts of highly stressful situations on your body here. But this is what makes you become more powerful, you’re going to build much more power in your legs, because then when you’re running the flats, you’re going to be like this is easy.
And then when you do face a hill in a race or something like that, you’re like got this no problem at all right. And this all like ties into just building cardiovascular endurance, you know, if you want to improve your cardiovascular system, and improve your endurance, as a runner, you want to be able to run longer and longer, you just got to you got to get out there and run longer miles, you got to keep increasing your mileage.
Slowly, you don’t do it all at once you don’t go out there and run 50 miles every other day. That’s because that’s just going to put your body into way too much stress. So what you do is you build up your mileage slowly, you increase it by, you know, I think a good rule of thumb is 10% a week.
And you build up to that, and then you back it down you like you know, then you go through you might do up week, like three weeks where you’re increasing mileage, and then you do a couple of down weeks, and then you go up up up a couple of down weeks, you know, and this is how we increase our endurance, you know, we can run 50 miles or 100 miles, you know.
So this is the difference between acute stress and chronic stress. Another thing is, that’s kind of cool. Like, let’s say you want to increase your body’s ability to burn fat. So you could do something that’s kind of acute, you can kind of stress your system a little bit by doing like a 24 hour fast.
This is something that on the outset, you might think, oh my god, that’s crazy. How can you not eat for 24 hours, it’s not that big a deal, to be honest with you. You eat dinner, and then the next day you just eat dinner like, right, it’s not a big deal. Especially if you’re not eating a lot of sugar and carbohydrates, you’re going to find this actually pretty easy because your hunger is not out of control anymore, right?
But again, this is kind of stressful on your system, right? Because your body is like goes into this little bit of like panic mode in a way. And it starts tapping into your stored body fat for fuel because it’s like, oh, we need fuel. We’re not getting anything. So let’s tap into the stored body fat over here.
Again, this is like stressing out the system in a very short burst and in a very controlled way. And then you go back to eating normally after that. And so this is how we improve our systems. This is how we get stronger. This is how we become more powerful. This is how we get faster. Faster is how we improve things like our fat-burning system, right?
So intermittent stress is actually a good thing, it’s good for your brain too. They’ve done these studies where they’ve shown that short-term stress actually primes the brain for improved performance. Intermittent stressful events help keep your brain more alert. And you tend to perform better when you’re more alert, right?
So these researchers at UC Berkeley, this is about 10 years ago or so now. But they did this study on rats, and they found that significant but brief, stressful events. So like acute stress caused these rats, they cause the stem cells in their brains to proliferate into new nerve cells that improved the rats’ mental performance.
And the researchers’ findings reinforce the idea that stress hormones help an animal to adapt to become more aware to become more resilient. The next time they’re faced with that same type of stressor, like think about this, like, let’s say, you are you go through a tough breakup, well, in your next relationship, you’re going to be more resilient and less fragile, right? If you end up in a breakup again, right.
And the same principle applies to, you know, lifting heavier weights will build stronger and more resilient muscles. Alright. So stress has a ripple effect. And it can be a good ripple effect or a bad ripple effect. So chronic stress has this negative ripple effect, right?
Like I mentioned earlier, cortisol is higher, insulin is higher, blood sugar is higher, you’re in the state of elevated, elevated panic mode, like all the time, and this leads to chronic diseases, and a lot of times it can lead to death. Right.
So chronic stress has a ripple effect, but it’s not a good one. Acute stress, though, has a ripple effect. But it’s a positive ripple effect, right? Because it leads to adaptation to improved cognitive function to improve muscle growth, to improve speed, and improve endurance, even fighting disease is a ripple effect of a good stressor.
So if you think about how we fight disease, like a pathogen that comes into your body, like a virus or a bacteria, that’s a stressor on your system. But then our body responds in a way and fights that off. Right. So this is a natural kind of stress response, which I think is kind of cool.
So my kind of takeaway that I want you to kind of take from this episode would be to choose your stress intentionally. I want you to seek out stressors that are good for you, like seek out the good kind of stress, the ones that have positive benefits. And here’s something I need to say like, yes, these types of stressors are going to be hard, and they hurt and they’re stressful, right? If they weren’t, there wouldn’t be an adaptive response.
So you cannot get stronger without going through the stress. You cannot get faster without stressing out your system. Like people want to run faster, but they don’t want to practice running faster. Why? Because it’s hard because it sucks because, you know, it’s just like, it’s really terrible like to do sprints or speed work or hills or anything like that. Like it’s really tough, right?
But if you don’t do it, and they’re just like, oh, I’m so slow. You know, I don’t understand why I’m not getting faster. Okay. Are you doing speed work? No, no, I hate speed work. Oh, okay, then I got nothing for you. Like you got to do the work. You know, if you want to get stronger, you have to lift weights.
And so many people are like, I wish I was stronger, but they’re not doing anything to change that they’re not doing the hard stuff. And again, it’s hard, it feels terrible. It hurts you know lifting weights hurts it should you’re literally tearing your muscles a little bit, you know, and but it’s a good thing, right? It’s that good kind of acute stress that we want, we want to embrace that we want to choose that type of stress intentionally.
Even some type of like mental and emotional stresses like you know at work if you have to complete some big project on time or maybe you got to give a speech in front of a large crowd these things will create some acute stress for you. But then what happens you adapt you grow. You increase your comfort zone, you improve your cognitive function.
The next time you have a big project do like you’re going to be more confident the next time you have to stand up in front of a large crowd and talk, you’re gonna feel more poised, like, all these things help you to adapt and grow.
So choose acute stress, choose your stress wisely, you know, becoming faster or stronger or more emotionally involved, it requires a certain amount of stress, it requires some discomfort, some unease, you know, intentionally, putting your body and your mind through stressful events will help you to adapt, and grow and become more.
Listen, there’s no easy button, you can’t just sit around watching Netflix all day, and hope to become a better runner. Right? You can’t just sit around running the same, you know, speed all the time. And hope to get faster, you have to push yourself, you have to push yourself past your level of comfort, you have to get out of your comfort zone, right?
This is the does the hard hard part, I know. You got to get uncomfortable, right? And you have to do it the right way. You have to do it acutely, not chronically not every single day, this does not mean you go and do speed work every single day. You know, I suggest doing speed work once a week, do it hard. You know and do it quickly and get it over with and then give yourself a break. Give yourself a chance to adapt to that.
So your work this week is to embrace it, embrace the good stress. So whatever that means for you lift the heavy things, do that speed work, run those hill repeats. But do these things intentionally and quickly, and then give yourself a break. Take a rest day so that you can recover and so you can grow and adapt and then we continue this process right?
So here’s a good example yesterday at the gym, I did some heavy back squats. Very very heavy is very hard. And right after that, I did a sprint workout. And when I started running for my sprint workout, I just did like a mile warm-up. My legs were cooked. I mean, I was it was so hard just doing the warm-up to get to where I was going to do my sprints.
I was like, I don’t know about this. This isn’t a good idea. Because my legs were literally like pretty toast but I’m like okay, here’s my goal for today. A hard leg workout. And then sprints like I did some this is acute stress, total, totally good example of acute stress, right. But I knew that today was going to be my rest day. And then I wasn’t doing anything. No, no lifting today, no running today.
And I knew that today was going to be a day where I can repair and adapt and recover. And that I’m going to improve. You know, so that workout yesterday was really hard. I did my sprints, I did six by 30 seconds and 30 seconds is my limit like I’m running as hard as I can for 30 seconds. And those last 10 seconds are just miserable, right?
So the point here is that today, I’m just giving myself a chance to adapt and grow and totally recover from all of that. So that really acute stress on my body yesterday is a good thing. I’m not going to do that every day, there’s no way I could do that. And I actually have been combining my strength workouts and my speed workouts. And so that I can actually have a day off.
So I make my hard days hard and I make my easy days super easy. And that way I am not burning myself out. Because I was kind of getting in that way when I was running every day, I was running or working out or lifting weights or whatever, every single day. I wasn’t running every day. But I was doing some sort of a quote-unquote hard workout seven days a week.
And I was starting to feel pretty burned out. This is like my body going into this panic mode and staying in this state of chronic stress. So I was like, Okay, I got to do something about this. And ever since I’ve been, you know, making my hard days, combining my hard workouts on the same day and then taking like a total rest day.
Oh my gosh, I’m sleeping better. I feel more energized. My workouts have been improving. So this is all good stuff. And this is the way we’re designed, right? Avoid the chronic stress. Embrace the acute stress, choose your stress wisely, you know, and become stronger, become faster, and become that badass version of yourself. Cool. All right, well, I hope y’all got something out of this episode today. And if you did, consider sharing it with a friend I love you all keep Running Lean. I’ll talk to you soon.
If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.
Self-sabotage is one of those terms that you hear and you think you have a pretty good handle on what it means. But do you really? Because if you find yourself engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, …
Continue Reading about 80. Understanding and Eliminating Self-Sabotage →
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Hey there, and welcome to episode 80 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners and today, I’ve got a fun topic for you understanding and eliminating self sabotage. Self sabotage is one of those things that we hear the term and you think you have a pretty good handle on what it means. But do you really, because if you find yourself engaging in self sabotaging behavior, then you’re not sure why you keep doing this to yourself, then you may not understand it as well as you think.
Because until you have a better understanding of what self sabotage really is, and how it shows up in your life, you can’t change it, or you can’t prevent it from happening. So in this episode, I’m going to help you to understand what self sabotage really is, how it prevents you from achieving your goals, why you do it, and how you can eliminate it from your life. Cool, it’s gonna be fun.
And just really quick, if you like this podcast, please come check us out on Facebook, we have this awesome community, the Running Lean podcast community. And the the Facebook group goes hand in hand with the podcast. It’s a place where you can ask questions and get answers, and get some support. And feel the love, feel the encouragement, get some inspiration, we talked about running, we talked about mindset stuff in there, I do a little coaching and training in there every week.
And right now it’s July, and we’re doing the dry July challenge. So it’s a place where we are taking the month of July and eliminating alcohol. And the group is a place where you can you know, kind of get supported through that journey if this is something you’re interested in. And you’re just you know, now hearing about this, you can still join in and, and and start with us it’s it’s kind of fun.
It’s not like alcohol is bad, or, you know, it’s not about good or bad. It’s not about moral judgments. It’s just about, you know, I want to see what it feels like to take a break from alcohol, maybe I want to improve my health or my running performance. And I just want to see how this will work. So come join us. It’ll be fun. It’s all about fun, right? Just search for the Running Lean community on Facebook, and join us over there. Cool.
And listen, I understand how overwhelming a lot of these topics can feel. You know, we talked about changing your mindset, changing habits, changing your, the way you’re eating, changing your exercise regimen, starting to do some strength training, getting into running, improving your running performance, all of these things can feel quite honestly overwhelming. And it can feel very confusing. And there’s a lot of conflicting information out there. And I get all of that.
That’s why I am a coach. That’s why I coach people every day to kind of navigate all of that stuff, and make it make sense for you in a way that will work for you. Coaching isn’t about you know, here’s what you do is like one thing that we do, we just here’s a list of stuff to do. And it works for everybody. It’s not like that at all. It’s about figuring out what works for you as an individual, what works for you, and your goals and your lifestyle and your likes and dislikes and your you know running performance and all these things we want to support ports support you where you are today and help you get to where you want to be tomorrow. So if you’re ever interested in working with me as your coach, just go to runningleanpodcast.com/apply.
And you’ll have to apply for coaching because I don’t work with everybody. You know, I want to I want to have a conversation with you. I want to see if this is a good fit for you. I want you to see if I’m a good fit for you for you. Like you may think like well, I thought Patrick would be awesome to work with. But then I started talking to him and I don’t think so.
I haven’t had that happen yet, by the way, but you know, it’s possible. But anyway, it just can’t hurt to have a conversation about coaching and what that would look like for you. Okay, so I’m here for you. If you ever want to do that, just go to runningleanpodcast.com/apply, and we can talk about it. Cool. Awesome. All right.
I want to get into this topic today. I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks now. And I’m excited about this topic because I think it’s really important to understand what self sabotage really is. How you do it, why you do it, and how you can prevent it.
And really one of the biggest keys here and the biggest takeaway from this episode is going to be that when you understand how self sabotage is showing up for you, and some of these things I’m going to talk about you may not have heard of before, and it may surprise you how you might be self sabotaging yourself or why you self sabotage.
But one of the keys is that when you understand what’s happening, just right there, this can be life changing for you, this can absolutely help you to just eliminate it from happening going forward. Okay, so just a really having a deep understanding of what’s happening with you and how you self sabotage is key to fixing the problem. Okay.
So the reason I really started getting into this and got excited about talking about this is because I was reading a book called The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, and he talks about in the book, this this issue called, he calls it the upper limit problem. And this is a problem where we all have some sort of self imposed upper limit. And when we reach that upper limit, and we try to go past that upper limit, things get very uncomfortable.
So we might have a self imposed upper limit of how much happiness we want to experience or how much success we can experience or how much you know how healthy we can be, or how much wealth we can have, you know, how much money we can have in the bank, or how much love we can experience any, it can be positive things, too. It’s not just about, you know, how much, you know, adversity can you handle it’s not about that, it’s about like, good things, right.
So we have this self imposed sort of upper limit, and when we hit that upper limit, we get very, very uncomfortable. And here’s why. Because your brain sees this upper limit, as unsafe, as unfamiliar. And as something that maybe it’s dangerous for you, you know, it’s out of your comfort zone. And so, you might be like feeling really good and feeling all this happiness, and you’re maybe you’re sticking to your eating plan, and you’re losing some weight, and you’re feeling really good.
And your brain is like, wait a minute, what is happening here, this is not normal, this doesn’t feel right, this feels uncomfortable, this place of like, everything is going well. And so what will happen is, and you don’t even know you’re doing this, but subconsciously, you pull yourself back away from that upper limit, you pull yourself back to what feels comfortable, what feels familiar, and what feels to your primitive brain safe for you. Back to your comfort zone, right?
Some examples of how this shows up for people is, you know, kind of what I was just mentioning, you start to lose weight, you’re starting to feel good, you’re sticking to your plan. And all of a sudden, you find yourself, you know, face first into a Boston Cream Pie. And you’re like, what is happening? Why am I doing this to myself? I didn’t want to eat this. But I find myself, you know, with a cupcake in my face, like, what am I doing here?
Because subconsciously, you don’t even know you’re doing this, you think, you know, it’s all just happening to you. But you’re, you’re doing this to yourself, okay, but it’s subconscious. It’s not within your awareness. It’s like outside of your awareness. Okay. Subconsciously, you’re just trying to get back to what, what you know, and what is familiar to you, and what feels safe to you and what feels comfortable for you.
And that is a certain weight, like, let’s say you, you know, you’re you’re on this track to lose 40 pounds, all right, and you haven’t lost, you know, you haven’t been down 40 pounds in 40 years or something like that. And it’s been, you know, 10 years since you’ve lost 20 pounds. And so you start to get close to that 20 pound mark, and all of a sudden, you know, this feels really unfamiliar and very uncomfortable for you.
And so subconsciously, you will do something, you’ll start over eating, you’ll start eating a bunch of crap, just to get yourself back to where you feel comfortable. Isn’t this sort of insidious? It’s very sneaky. What happens what our brains are doing to us here, okay, but we have to understand what’s going on in order to fix it.
Another example is, you’ve probably heard this one before people that win the lottery. So people that are, you know, have, you know, let’s say middle class, you know, they have you know, they they’re not used to having a lot of money, right? They’re just like, whatever, living paycheck to paycheck, they win the lottery, they get millions of dollars.
And I think the statistics are something like this. 60% of these people within two years are back to where they were financially, before they won the lottery, like they have this pull back to their comfort zone. Because having millions of dollars in the bank, investing it and making it grow, and like all this other stuff feels so uncomfortable for them. It’s so unfamiliar.
And they’re, you know, they just want to go back to what feels good and what feels comfortable for them. And everybody else, maybe even them would look at this situation and go, you’re crazy. How can you do this to yourself, this is total self sabotage.
But in reality, it’s so hard to discern what’s happening, because it feels like it’s automatic, it’s feels like it’s just happening to you. But it’s very, it’s very sneaky. And it’s subconscious that’s happening. It’s your subconscious at work, it’s your primitive brain at work, we have to just have this awareness to understand what’s going on here.
Another way this shows up is, you know, let’s say you want to quit drinking, and you find yourself doing well, for some time for some period of time, you might like, you know, we’re on day, eight now of the dry July challenge. And there’s people that are doing really well, and they haven’t had a drink in eight days.
And maybe some of these people will find themselves, you know, drinking tonight, and they don’t understand why. And it could just be that that feeling that they’re feeling and experiencing of like not being drunk or not being buzzed or not being hungover, whatever, that doesn’t feel normal to them. It doesn’t feel, you know, familiar. It’s not what they’re used to feels uncomfortable.
And your primitive brain just wants to go back to what feels comfortable. And so your primitive brain will be like you need to drink. And you might think, well, this is a dumb idea. Why am I doing this? And you might just find yourself doing it anyway.
When I first started, when I first stopped drinking, many years ago, I remember waking up feeling good. For the first time in a long time, you know, waking up, not feeling hungover. And this felt very uncomfortable for me. I had all this energy, I felt very clear headed. I wasn’t sick to my stomach. And I did not like that feeling. This was so uncomfortable for me. And so not normal it’s not funny.
Like I remember driving to work every day. And I had like a 30 minute commute or whatever to work. And I just remember everyday thinking, man I wish I just felt better. I wish I felt I wish I wasn’t so sick, driving to work, but then I would you know, then I stopped drinking. And then I was like, Oh my gosh, what am I feeling now as I’m driving to work, but this feels so uncomfortable.
I feel so like jittery and like, you know, clear headed like, this is crazy, you know, so that that felt very foreign to me and very uncomfortable for me. And here’s the thing, happiness can feel very uncomfortable. Feeling good, feels uncomfortable for us. We’re not wired, to seek out happiness and to pursue happiness.
We’re not wired to pursue joy, and to pursue love and to pursue success and to pursue good health. We’re wired to pursue comfort. This is not a bad thing, okay, you just have to understand that this is what’s going on in your brain. And this is something that we’ve evolved over millions of years, as human beings, we have this natural instinct to seek out the familiar to seek out what is comfortable for us to always be running back to the safety of what’s comfortable, even though comfort may be what’s bad for us.
It doesn’t matter, even though we know like I want to, you know, improve my relationship with my romantic partner. And so I’m going to like, you know, try to you know, I want more love, and more joy in our relationship. And then when you start to get that, it’s like, whoa, this feels really weird and feels uncomfortable.
I’m just going to pick a fight with them just to make sure we go back to where we were before, where everything was comfortable and familiar to us where we’re fighting all the time. Right? This is kind of insidious.
Now we just have to understand this is the way your brain works. It’s not a bad thing. It’s no moral judgment here. This is just how our brains are wired. And it’s okay. All change anytime we want to change anything, it’s somewhat uncomfortable. All change is uncomfortable until it becomes familiar to us. All change is uncomfortable until it becomes more familiar to us.
So we have this thing, and I see this all the time with with clients who want something for themselves, they want to lose weight, let’s say, you know, they want to quit drinking, they want to run faster. So they want something they’ve wanted this for a long time. That wanting is very familiar, it’s part of who they are. Right.
So maybe they’ve wanted to lose weight for 20 years, they’ve tried all kinds of things, and they haven’t worked. But they keep wanting it. And they keep having this wanting this wanting becomes the familiar thing for them, the wanting of the thing, the wanting of the goal becomes their comfort zone, they’re just comfortable wanting this thing, you know, you may want to quit drinking, and you want to quit drinking. And that’s just where you’ve been for a long time.
Or maybe you want to get in shape, and you’ve been wanting to get in shape for many years. You’ve wanted it for so long. It’s now it’s just a comfortable and familiar thing this wanting. But then you get the thing, you get in shape, you do quit drinking, you lose the weight. And now you start to you have to make this shift from the wanting to the having that feels really uncomfortable for people.
Okay, because you’re just so used to wanting something you’re so used to wanting, you know, to reach this goal, that having it feels weird and feels uncomfortable and feels unfamiliar and feels unsafe. I, you know, you you may have experienced this, if you’ve ever set a big goal for yourself, like running a marathon, you know, and you cross the finish line of that marathon and it feels so amazing.
But then all of a sudden, you feel sort of let down and you feel uncomfortable, and you feel weird and, and you’re like I need another goal, I need to put something else on the calendar, I need a bigger goal. This was my experience for sure. I ran my first real big race I ever ran was a 10k. And I remember thinking, oh my god, I just I’ve been training for this for so long. And now I’m out of the habit and it’s done. Now I feel uncomfortable having this thing like I have to want something else.
So then I was like I’m gonna train for a marathon. And then I needed something else. And I started, you know, training for ultra marathons. And then I was like, I want something else. And I started training for triathlons and Ironman and I want to run 50 Miles 100 Miles and in the wanting can go on and on and on. And it feels uncomfortable when we get the thing because now we’re not, we’re not in that wanting place anymore. Okay?
You’ve gotten so good at wanting that having it just seems too big or too scary or just weird or uncomfortable for us, okay. And when we get close to reaching a goal, sometimes we will self sabotage will pull ourselves back from achieving the goal so that we don’t get it so that we don’t have it so that we don’t have to make that switch from the wanting to have.
So you might be close to losing weight. And you might think to yourself, like you know, you don’t really deserve this, like who do you think you are? What are people gonna think of me? Or are I’m really not good enough, I’m not going to be able to sustain this. This is really not for me, this might be for other people, but this is not who I am.
All of these thoughts are going to come up and all of these things are going to come up and they’re going to make you want to go running back to safety, running back to what feels safe and comfortable and familiar for you, which is the wanting.
And so you’re just going to continue with the wanting and you’ll just go go through that your whole life. I work with people every day who are like I want this so bad, Patrick. All right, cool. And we start to make some progress and they find themselves month after month, week after week, whatever it is just self sabotaging.
They don’t understand why this is a big part of it. Because having the thing just feels too uncomfortable for them. Well, now that I’ve lost the weight, how am I going to make it work? How am I going to sustain it? And a lot of times it’s just just keep doing what you’re doing.
If you desire you lost the weight and this is how you’re going to keep it off right it’s not a big mystery there. But we get so used to the wanting that the having just seems too too uncomfortable to deal with for us. And I think part of it is like we have this idea that once we get somewhere once we have the thing that we can just coast we can just like cruise, put it in a cruise control and we don’t have to work anymore at it.
So the discomfort you feel around having something I think that’s increased by this false belief that when you get the thing that you know you’ve been chasing for so long that you can just coast like when you reach your goal weight then you can go back to eating whatever you want. When you hit your marathon PR then running is you can just coast like running. It would just be so much easier, and you can just, you know, he pretty much no effort anymore, right?
Or let’s say you quit drinking for 30 days, and you hit 30 days, and then all of a sudden, something’s gonna happen where you just no longer gonna crave alcohol anymore. And you know, I have to do any work around this again. And the truth is, none of this is true, like the work is ongoing, right, you don’t get to some destination, and you have your thing, you have your goal, you’ve reached your, your goal, and then your work is done. And you, you know, can just rest and just chill and cruise control, right?
It doesn’t really work that way. Sorry. It’s just not right. This is, you know, the, the work is ongoing. You know, it’s how you live your life from here on out. Like, if you change your diet, so that you’re, you’re losing weight, and you’re feeling good, and you’re fueling your runs properly, and you’re becoming the healthiest version of you. That’s not something you stopped doing. It’s just not like there’s no, there’s no destination, there’s no finish line that you’re crossing, and then you can go back to doing what you were doing before.
There’s no “there”, that’s better than here. Okay, there’s only here. And that’s okay, and what you’re doing right now, if you’re on this, on this journey of self discovery, if you’re on this journey of personal growth, if you’re on this journey of becoming the healthiest, most badass version of you, then that is your journey from here on out. And that’s cool. That’s okay, that’s good.
We want to be on this journey, we’ll want to keep learning and growing and exploring becoming more always. So when, when it comes down to it, self sabotage is really a product of a lack of self awareness, you just don’t understand what’s happening, you just don’t understand the way your brain is working. Right.
And when you don’t understand what’s going on in your brain, it just can seem like everything is happening to you. Like, you know, everything’s happening to you. You know, when you have the self awareness, when you understand how your thoughts create your feelings, and your feelings, drive your actions. This is when you can start taking back control. This is when you understand that you have the power to change whatever you want in your life.
And psychologists call this type of self awareness, they call it emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to your thoughts and feelings in an enlightened and in an in a healthy way. And so the root of self sabotage is really is a lack of emotional intelligence, the root of self sabotage is a lack of self awareness. But when you have self awareness and emotional intelligence, it kind of looks like that.
So emotional intelligence is like you have a feeling, you have this feeling inside you that maybe you have a feeling like anger, like you understand what the feeling is, you can name it, I have, I’m angry, I have an urge to drink something or to eat something, I’m having a craving, these are all feelings, I’m stressed. This is a feeling I’m bored.
And then you understand that you have a thought that caused that feeling, you know, you maybe you’re thinking you know, a drink sure would take the edge off right now or eating this cookie will probably make me feel better. Or my husband should show more support. For me, these are thoughts that cause feelings, my husband should show more support for me might cause you to feel anger.
And so you have a feeling you understand what it is you can name it, you know the thought that’s causing the feeling. And then you allow that feeling to just be there without having to do anything to change it or to make it go away. This is what emotional intelligence looks like. You can have a feeling you understand what it is where it’s coming from, that you’re having these thoughts that are causing the feeling. And then you don’t have to do anything about it.
You can just have a feeling of wanting to drink or not drink, you can have the feeling of you know, wanting to eat the cookie, but don’t eat the cookie. You could have the feeling of anger at your husband and you don’t yell at him. Even though you’re angry with him. You can just be angry. And that’s cool. This is what emotional intelligence looks like.
And honestly, it’s just one of those things that you have to practice because it feels kind of terrible at first, until you get better at it. Because it’s so uncomfortable. It’s so unfamiliar and you’re in this place and you’re outside your comfort zone because all of a sudden things are coming up and you just got to deal with it. You just got to let it be there. Just allow it to be there. Allow that anger to be there without doing anything about it without acting on it.
But you practice it and you get better at it. And then you practice it some more and you get, it gets easier for you. And it becomes just a part of who you are. Emotional Intelligence is something you can learn, and practice and get good at. And listen, you’re already doing this in other areas of your life, like, you know, your co worker sends you a nasty email and you just want to punch them in the face, but you don’t, you don’t punch them in the face, even though you feel like it, you got angry, you’re feeling the anger, you understand, it’s just a feeling and that you don’t have to act on it. Right?
Because you know, there’s like negative consequences that go along with this, you probably get fired, or, you know, get go to jail or something. And the same goes for sticking with your eating plan or not taking a drink, you can still feel like you want to drink, you can still feel a craving for a cookie and not eat the cookie. You can just be there with that urge to drink and not do anything about it. Just be there. It will feel uncomfortable. It will. It’s cool. Just feel uncomfortable. No biggie.
I was just talking to someone last night who was telling me she was really proud of herself because she was sitting at dinner with friends and she’s trying not to do sugar and flour right now. And there was a you know, basket of bread, they just kept putting these baskets of bread in front of her at this restaurant.
And she just looked at the bread and was like, nope, not doing it. And it felt uncomfortable. But she just just let it be there. Just let it let the discomfort be there. And just went on with you know, talking with their friends and eating dinner and all this other stuff with all this bread just staring at her in the face calling out her name, eat me. Just didn’t do anything about it. You know it wasn’t comfortable, but she got through it.
And the more you practice stuff like that, the better you get at it, the more the more you practice not drinking when you feel like taking a drink like you may be at a party and you don’t know anybody there and you feel super uncomfortable. You’re like I just know a drink would sure make make things easier here.
Don’t do it, just feel uncomfortable. Be the uncomfortable person at the party. You know what other people are probably uncomfortable to. But is that drink really going to help you in that situation? Probably not. Maybe you can just go talk to somebody, you know, just talk to one person, ask them, you know what they do ask them about their family, their kids, whatever. Just you don’t have to drink, you don’t have to make yourself feel comfortable all the time. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable.
So understanding this emotional intelligence piece is so key and understanding the that your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings drive your actions. This is key to ending self sabotaging behavior. The key to changing anything in your life really, is to practice a different pattern, you got to practice a different thought feeling action pattern, you have to train yourself to prefer habits that are good for you.
Like you have to make the good habits familiar to you. And they won’t be easy until they become familiar won’t be comfortable until they become familiar to you. So you have to practice doing it. Like you know, not eating the bread. That’s a good habit. Right? If you don’t eat bread, and everybody else is eating bread, you got to practice not eating the bread. And then that’ll become easier for you. And it’ll become more familiar to you.
And when you do this and you practice it, you get good at it, you expand what’s comfortable for you, you your comfort zone gets larger, you expand your comfort zone. And listen, it’s not enough to know what you should be doing. You know, it’s not about good habits versus bad habits. It’s not about being a good person or a bad person. It’s never about a moral judgment. Never.
It’s just about changing what’s familiar to you. So don’t judge yourself. For you know, wanting to eat the bread, you’re not a bad person because you want to eat the bread. That’s just what’s comfortable to you. It’s just what you’ve done. It’s what’s familiar to you.
Change what’s familiar to you. And you can change anything you want in your life. And honestly, you’re right now where you are today, you’re already good at doing everything you’re doing today. Okay, here, like whatever you’re doing today. You’re good at already. This is comfortable for you. Okay, all the habits that you have right now all the thought patterns, all the things you do automatically or that seem automatic for you. This is all familiar, it’s comfortable and safe. This is your comfort zone.
So when you want to change something, it’s going to feel uncomfortable to you. Are you willing to go through that? Are you willing to feel uncomfortable to change? You have to be willing to feel uncomfortable? It’s the only way you can change anything in your life. Are you willing to do the work to feel terrible for a little while until things start to feel more familiar, more habitual, more comfortable for you?
And you’re probably saying yes, Patrick, I am. And people tell me yes all the time. In advance, they tell me yes, before they feel uncomfortable. They’re like, of course, I’m willing to feel uncomfortable. But then when they actually do start to feel the discomfort, and they start to feel kind of terrible, then they’re like, Hell, no, I didn’t sign up for this. This is not what I thought you meant when you said I was going to be uncomfortable.
And I’m like, Yeah, that’s what it is. It doesn’t feel good. It feels terrible. And it’s okay. You can get through it. It’s temporary. It doesn’t last forever, you can get good, you just got to practice it. But it’s funny, because people are, are all in with the discomfort ahead of time. You know, they’re like, Yes, I’m willing to feel uncomfortable in a few weeks, no problem at all.
But then a few weeks go by, and they’re like, Oh, I really feel terrible. Get me off of this thing, you’re like, Nope, you got to just stay where you are. That’s the only way you got to get, you just got to get through it. So, but when you when you start to feel that discomfort, that’s when you start engaging in the self sabotaging behaviors, even though you don’t even know you’re doing it, you’re going to start to do things just to get back to the comfortable just to get back to the familiar. Even if it’s something that’s bad for you.
You know that, like let’s say you’re trying not to drink alcohol right now. And you know that, you know, drinking alcohol is bad for you, let’s say okay, and you just know that you want to take a break for those months, you know, and it’s gonna start to feel uncomfortable, and you’re gonna find yourself wanting to drink or maybe you find yourself drinking, even though you don’t want to do that.
Consciously you’re like, I don’t even want this right now. Subconsciously, your primitive brain is like, you got to get something good, you got to get something to make you feel more comfortable here. Alcohol is what we usually do. So let’s go back to doing that. Alright. Even though you know, it’s like, it’s not good for you. It’s not healthy. It’s not what you want for yourself in this moment, you’re going to do it anyway.
Listen, if you find yourself stuck, or find yourself not making progress toward a goal, you need to hear this, you’re not stuck because you’re incapable of change, you’re stuck because you don’t feel like doing what it takes to change. I’m going to say this again. Because I think this is really important.
You’re not stuck because you’re incapable of change. You’re stuck because you don’t feel like doing what it takes to change. You don’t feel like doing what it takes to change because what it takes to change is getting uncomfortable is seeking out the unfamiliar, seeking out the uncomfortable. And we get hung up on labels sometimes like we use these labels of like we have good feelings which equal comfort and safety and familiar familiarity and we have bad feelings like discomfort, danger unfamiliar. And I just want to say right now that I don’t think these are accurate labels, I don’t think any feeling is good or bad.
Being a human being means we get to experience all of our emotions, the quote unquote positive emotions, the quote unquote, negative emotions, we experience joy and sadness, happiness, and sorrow, peace and confusion, you know, anger and contentment, we get to experience all these things. And it’s cool, it’s cool, we can experience all these emotions, we’re not going to die from feeling our feelings, right.
But when you live your life from a place of always trying to avoid any of these negative feelings, you’re going to find yourself stuck in a loop of always trying to avoid feeling stuff, you’re going to always be seeking pleasure. You’re always going to be avoiding discomfort, avoiding anything unfamiliar. And you’re gonna find yourself stuck and frustrated, and never becoming more never changing anything.
Because you’re always trying to avoid feeling half your feelings, basically. All right. The way you stop the self sabotage is to get really good at feeling uncomfortable about embracing the discomfort. Get out into the unfamiliar territory, on purpose, do it on purpose. Do things that are hard, do things that don’t feel good, but that will move you in the direction of your goals and dreams. Do the hard stuff even though you don’t feel like it?
This is like the key to accomplishing anything is you make a plan and then you stick to the plan even when you don’t feel like it. Even if it feels you know unfamiliar even if it feels scary. Even if you don’t understand how it’s all going to work even though it feels uncomfortable. I’m doing this right now for myself.
I started, I found myself getting to this place where I kept hitting snooze in the morning a bunch of times, like I set my alarm for six o’clock, and I would hit snooze a bunch of times, right? And listen, as an entrepreneur, I get to make my own hours. Okay, so I’m like, Yeah, I make my own hours, I can get up whenever I want to, you know, and I just found myself wasting time.
So hitting snooze, you know. And I decided in pretty recently, a few weeks ago, that I was going to be the kind of person who got up at 5:30. And started working and just got to work right away. And so I’ve been doing that I’ve set my alarm for 5:30. I don’t hit snooze, I use my, you know, phone as like an alarm. And so I hit stop. And then the feet are on the ground. Every morning, 5:30, stop, feet hit the floor.
And this, I got to tell you guys, this feels terrible. It’s really hard. It’s very unfamiliar for me, for me, because I’ve been doing this snooze thing for like, a long time, you know. And it’s uncomfortable, it’s unfamiliar, I don’t like it, it feels terrible, I’m tired, I want to sleep more. I feel like I need more sleep, you know, when I wake up in the morning.
But I gotta tell you, every day that I do this, I feel better about myself, I’m building confidence in myself, because that hitting snooze over and over again was like a form of me self sabotage and wanting to stay in the familiar. And so I’m forcing myself to break that habit. And this is how you do it.
You just got to get out into the unfamiliar, decide what it is you want for yourself and do that thing, even though you don’t feel like it. When my alarm went off this morning at 5:30. I was deep in sleep, I was in the middle of some dream. And I was just like, so deeply asleep. And I open my eyes. And I hit stop and the feet are on the ground. And I got up. And literally within like two minutes, I’m wide awake, and it’s fine.
But it’s like, you just got to do the hard thing she got to do what, what you need to do, even though you don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like getting up at 5:30. But I’m doing it. I’m getting a lot done. And I feel so much better about myself and the self sabotage has stopped.
So here’s your homework for this week. I got a homework assignment for you. I want you to decide what it is you want for yourself. And then I want you to see what you are doing or not doing. Because you just want to stay with the familiar and the comfortable.
So what do you want to be doing? Or what do you want to stop doing? Because it’s too hard or unfamiliar or uncomfortable. So this could be you know, not drinking or sticking to your food plan or sticking to a running schedule? Or running faster or doing weight training, or doing speed work or whatever it is for you. What is it that you want to be doing? Or what do you want to stop doing? But you’re not because it’s unfamiliar, because it’s uncomfortable, because it’s hard because you don’t feel like it.
I want you to do that thing this week. Do it even though you don’t feel like it. So if you tell yourself, I don’t want to be eating sugar this week, then don’t eat the sugar this week. And there’s going to be times when you are going to feel like eating the sugar. Don’t do it.
Or you’re going to say you know, hey, I want to, you know, do speed work two times this week, and then you’re gonna wake up and you’re gonna put your running shoes on, you’re gonna be like, I really don’t feel like doing this right now. This I hate speed work. It’s so hard. I’m gonna feel terrible. Do it anyway, even though you don’t feel like it. This is how you stop the self sabotage. This is how you change anything that you want for yourself.
Okay, so that’s your work for this week. Cool. Let me know how that goes for you. I want to hear about it. You can post your homework assignment, you can post your results in our Facebook group. Cool. Alright, that’s all I got for you guys. I hope you got something out of this episode today. And if you did, I would love it if you would share this with a friend I love you all keep on Running Lean. Talk to you soon.
If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.
Desire is one of those things that most people struggle with, mainly because they just don't understand what it really is. Desire can feel very strong and very powerful, and it can lead you to do …
My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.
Hey there, and welcome to episode 79 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners, and today I’ve got a fun topic for you. Yes, it’s fun demystifying desire. So desire is one of those things that a lot of people struggle with. And I think a lot of people struggle with desire because they just don’t understand what it really is.
So desire can feel very strong, it can feel very powerful. And desire can lead you to do things that may not be in alignment with who you want to be, they may not desire can cause you to do things that aren’t in alignment with your goals like eating or drinking. You may think that having an intense desire for something like alcohol is normal, it’s just the way it is. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
The truth is, it doesn’t have to be this way, you can absolutely change your desire, even for things like food and alcohol. Desire does not have to be so ominous and so powerful and so mysterious. Okay, so in this episode, I want to break it all down, I’m going to go over what desire really is, hopefully, remove the mystery from desire. Talk about why desire is such a powerful force in your life and offer some things that you can do to change it.
So if you like this podcast, you got to come check out the Facebook group, we have this amazing group of like-minded runners over on Facebook. And we talk about all kinds of topics in there. You know, we do goal setting, we’re doing a challenge right now. And it’s July, and we’re doing the dry July challenge. And we’re just getting started with that. So definitely come and check us out just search for Running Lean community on Facebook, join the group.
And if you’re interested in doing the dry July challenge with us, it’s basically just we’re taking a break from alcohol for the month of July and see how that goes for us and see how it feels to do that. There are a lot of positive benefits from taking a break from alcohol.
And if it’s something you’ve thought about doing in the past, but you just feel like it might be too hard. Well, we’re going to be talking about it in the Facebook group. I’m going to be talking about it here on the podcast.
In fact, this episode today kind of has a lot to do with alcohol and our desire for alcohol. And how we can diminish that desire if that’s something we want for ourselves. So definitely come check us out. It’s fun, we have a lot of fun over in the Facebook group. It’s just you know, you get the support, the encouragement, the inspiration from a bunch of other people that are just like you.
And then here’s a message I received a while back that I was going through some folders on my computer. And I found this message from Melissa. And I just wanted to share, share part of this with you guys. Because I thought this was really cool. And she just wrote, “Patrick, your podcasts and posts have helped me so much. So much already. It’s so awesome to find a group of like-minded people who understand the passion behind what makes us run. I feel fortunate to have this strong, amazing running family that I’m always adding to with groups like yours. With COVID I’ve been mostly running solo and feeling more connected through your online resources, and social media posts. And this has meant the world to me. Thank you. I can’t wait for more emails and podcasts.”
Thank you, Melissa. That was super sweet. And I don’t think I’ve shared this before on the podcast, but I wanted to make sure that I did. Obviously, she sent this when you know we were kind of going through some lockdown stuff and COVID and social distancing and running groups weren’t meeting and things like that.
I know a lot of that has changed. But it’s really cool that she reached out and shared that. And it would mean a lot to me if you could take a moment and leave a quick review of the podcast. You can do that in Apple podcasts. Just scroll down where it says leave a review, tap the stars and write a few words. It’s just a way of saying thank you for what I’m providing here on the show.
And then if you ever want a little help with any of this stuff with, you know, sports nutrition with getting your mindset right around, you know, not drinking or changing your eating habits, maybe losing some weight, you can work with me as a one on one coach, this is what I do. And I work with runners every day who are trying to improve themselves and want to become the most badass version of themselves, whatever that looks like for you.
Listen, I want you to love yourself, exactly as you are right now. Whether you’re, you know, whether you feel like you’re you have some weight to lose, or you feel like you’re, you know, you need to get faster as a runner, or you want to become healthier. None of that stuff really matters. And wherever you are right now, is perfect.
And you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. And you should love yourself exactly as you are right here in this moment. But if you want to improve where you are, that’s okay to like you can love yourself exactly as you are and still want to lose some weight. It doesn’t There’s nothing bad about that. It’s not fat-shaming, it’s not, you know, body negativity, this is all, I want to encourage you to love yourself where you are.
And if you want to improve something in your life, then I’m here to help you. Okay? There’s no, you know, there’s no shame in where you are, in this moment, we got to love ourselves exactly as we are. And sometimes we just need a little help getting to where we want to be.
I know, that was where I was, I was, you know, finding myself feeling very unhealthy, and continuing to gain weight. And I was not happy where I was, I still loved myself. You know, I still loved myself where I was, but I wanted to improve, you know, I could look at myself in the mirror and go like, Come on, dude, you got to change something here, you know.
And so I made some decisions. And I made some choices that led me to becoming healthier and losing weight and feeling great in the process. And you can do the same thing too.
So if you ever want to talk about coaching and just see what coaching looks like, just go to runningleanpodcast.com/apply, you and I’ll jump on a quick zoom call, we’ll have a short conversation, we’ll see if this is something you’re interested in. That’s it. No obligation, it can’t hurt to have a conversation. Okay, cool.
So demystifying desire, I’ve been excited about talking about this, because desire is one of those things that I think we get in our heads that it’s some big, complicated, ominous, mysterious thing. And it can really keep us stuck, whether it’s a desire for sugar, you know, or junk food, or scrolling through social media or alcohol, or, you know, whatever your desire is, whatever this strong desire that you have, it can seem overwhelming, and it can feel so big and overpowering.
And just feel like there’s nothing you can do about it, right. And if you want to make a change, like let’s say you want to stop drinking, you just have to like grit your teeth and white knuckle your way through it, right. And that’s not really the case. And we’re gonna talk about all this today. And one of the reasons I’m bringing this up, and especially talking about alcohol is because we’re doing that challenge in the Facebook group, the dry July challenge.
Alcohol is a big crutch for a lot of people. Lots of people use alcohol as a way of feeling better as a way of soothing themselves. Just like we use food. You know, we have talked about sugar in the past and how sugar can feel very addictive, it can be very hard to stop eating sugar, right.
So just I wanted to preface this was just saying like this conversation today is about we’re going to talk a lot about alcohol. I’m just using this as our vehicle because we’re talking about this in the Facebook group. Okay, so today’s focus is going to kind of be on you know, not drinking and alcohol and our desire for alcohol.
And, and maybe you don’t drink. Maybe you’re somebody who’s like, well, I don’t drink already. So this isn’t really an issue for me. And that’s totally fine. Just substitute, you know, your desire for something else sugar, junk food, shopping, whatever your thing is, you can just substitute because it’s all the same. The work is the same for whatever the desire is that you have, okay?
It’s just like, we just need to preface I just wanted to preface this by just talking about how I’m going to be talking about alcohol in this episode. Okay, so what is desire? Exactly? So if you look up the definition of desire, it says desire is a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen, a strong feeling, in other words, desire is a feeling desire is not something that’s out there external to you.
Desire is inside you. It’s a feeling it’s an emotion. Desire is just a feeling. And this is kind of cool because when you look at it this way it right away, we’ve, you know, kind of eliminated a lot of the mystery around this right? So desires are just a feeling. And if you’ve been listening to this podcast, you know that all of your feelings, all of your emotions are always created by your thoughts.
So there’s this thought feeling action cycle, you have a thought about something that thought creates an emotional experience inside of you, that creates a feeling inside of you. And those emotions, those feelings that you have drive your actions, thought feeling action.
And it always happens in that order, you have a thought, that creates an emotion or a feeling. And that feeling will drive your action. This is the way it works all the time you think you’re doing something automatically, like you just doing it because, you know, you see a glass of wine and you just drink it.
But there’s a thought and a feeling in there before you take that action. Always, always always. Alright. So knowing this really helps a lot. This helped me a lot, for sure. And the other thing that’s kind of cool, is that desire is just something that is learned. It’s something that you learn over time, you’re not born with a desire to drink alcohol, right, I didn’t have a desire to drink alcohol until I started drinking alcohol.
So when I was in high school, I was a very shy kid, I was introverted, nerdy, awkward, full of fear, couldn’t talk to girls, very uncomfortable in my own skin. And, you know, I just I, no matter what I did, I could not change this, okay. And I just felt very uncomfortable and very awkward all the time.
Until I drank alcohol for the first time. And all of that kind of changed for me, right? All of a sudden, I felt more outgoing, more confident, the fear went away. I was funny, I was the life of the party. I’m talking to girls like I felt comfortable. All that stuff shifted for me because I drank alcohol.
So right away, I started to want more of what I wanted, I wanted that feeling. Right, I wanted to. I wanted to feel outgoing and confident. I didn’t want to feel fearful and uncomfortable anymore. I wanted that. That feeling that alcohol gaming. So all of a sudden, I had created a desire, I learned that alcohol could help me.
And it was actually a lot of what was happening, it was dampening those feelings I had. So I felt uncomfortable, awkward fearful. And the alcohol actually just squashed those feelings down. It diminished those feelings. And so that’s where the desire started to grow for me. And I learned that you know, alcohol kind of helped with this issue here.
So I learned the desire for alcohol. Right? It wasn’t actually the alcohol that was desiring. It was the feeling that I got from drinking. That’s what I was craving. That’s what I wanted. That was a strong feeling that I wanted, okay, my desire was very strong. But it wasn’t for the alcohol. It was what alcohol did for me. It made me feel better.
I was the life of the party, it was a lot of fun, felt more, more comfortable. So my desire was really to just feel less fearful, more comfortable, I want to feel safer. And alcohol made me feel more comfortable. So the real desire boils down for a lot of us the real desire boils down to comfort, it boils down to safety, I just want to feel more comfortable, I want to feel safer.
I don’t want to feel this fear. I don’t want to feel this anxiety. I don’t want to feel this stress, whatever I can do to feel more comfortable. And alcohol did that. For me, it made me feel more comfortable, at least I thought it did. So another way of saying this is like the desire was not the desire was to not feel the fear. The desire was to not feel the anxiety and the awkwardness.
And alcohol kind of numbed those feelings for me. So I didn’t have to feel those things, right. And I developed this. I learned this process, I learned that if I drink alcohol, I’m not going to feel that way. Right? So it was something that I learned which is this is good news, in my opinion, because if the desire is something that you learn, it’s something that you can unlearn.
If desire is something you learn, it’s something that you can change. And you’ve already done this in other places in your life, right? You’ve already had a strong desire for something, and then it’s gone away. Because desire is just a feeling and feelings come and go, right.
So, you know, think back to maybe, you know, when you were in high school, and maybe you were dating someone, and you had this obsession with this other person, you know, you had this intense desire to be with this person for the rest of your life, like you couldn’t imagine not being with this person. And now think of where you are today, you probably haven’t thought about that person until just now. And I started saying this, right?
I know, as I was writing some notes for this episode, I started thinking about those old girlfriends that I had back in high school, and I’m like, well, I have not thought about her in many years, like, you know, 40 years almost. And so it’s crazy. So we have these people that we think are, you know, we can’t live without, and we have this super strong desire for this other person, we can, you know, we want to be with them forever.
And then, you know, some years go by, and then you just stop thinking about them, and that desire is gone. So that’s something that you’ve already experienced in your life, you know, desire, comes and goes, it’s a feeling, Feelings come and go.
And so why would you want to change your desire? Why would you no longer want to have a strong desire? And the reason you would want to change it, or, you know, kind of get rid of that desire is because when you no longer desire, things like sugar, or junk food, or alcohol, there’s like so much freedom in that.
Because when you’re chained to this desire when you have this over desire for alcohol or food, you’re going to have a very hard time losing weight, you’re going to have a hard time, you know, improving your running performance, you’re going to have a hard time getting healthier.
And you know, you’re just going to be constantly in this cycle of kind of beating yourself up and engaging in bad behaviors and then beating yourself up again. And so it’s just like this vicious cycle, right? But when you no longer have the desire. You just don’t crave that anymore. And that’s where the freedom comes in.
And I hear people say, Well, I’m going to miss drinking. And I just, I can’t imagine not drinking, and I’m just going to miss it way too much. And here’s the thing, you’re thinking that now because you have this strong desire right now. And you can’t imagine not feeling that desire for alcohol. You can’t imagine not wanting it you can imagine not wanting to drink.
But it’s just like that old boyfriend and girlfriend that you had, you couldn’t imagine living without them. And now you’re like, yeah, whatever. That was interesting. That whole situation. But this is what freedom looks like, it looks like you’re not emotionally charged with this desire to have, you know, the sugar or the alcohol. This is what freedom looks like. Okay.
So one of the things we can do to change our desire is we have to understand, like what change looks like, okay, so you will learn over time that alcohol can dampen those difficult emotions that can dull the difficult emotions that you’re experiencing, right. And so you keep using alcohol in that way, and you keep getting better at it, right, you get better at what you practice.
So every time you feel stressed out, or you feel like you just need to take the edge off. You know, you just want to unwind, you go for a drink. And you keep practicing this and for years and years, and maybe decades, and you get really good at it, it becomes a very unconscious automatic habit, you do it automatically.
But really, it’s always a thought, that’s creating a feeling that’s driving an action. It always works that way. It’s just you’ve gotten so good at it, you’ve created this pattern, this thought pattern. That’s really an unconscious habit. It’s just super easy and effortless. It seems like it’s automatic. But really, it’s always a thought feeling action that’s happening, right.
And so one of the things I’m going to have you do here we’ll talk about this in just a minute is identifying those pieces and identifying, you know what’s really going on in that moment and interrupting that pattern.
Because that’s the work that we have to do is we have to change the pattern. If you want to change the habit. We’ve got to interrupt the pattern and then change the pattern, okay? But it’s just something you’ve learned to desire, something you’ve just been practicing. It’s something that you’ve learned. And it’s something that’s very habitual, automatic, and unconscious for you
We just want to bring up the awareness, we want to bring it into our consciousness. Right. So, in order to change the desire, dampen it or make it go away, you have to interrupt the pattern, you have to notice when the desire comes up for you. So you’re gonna think you know what? A drink sounds really good, right by now, I, you know, I said, I’m not going to drink, but I’m, there’s a bottle of wine in the fridge. And I just, you know, it just sounds really good. Right now, I just want to take the edge off, I just want to relax, I want to unwind destress, I just want to feel good.
So when you notice this is coming up for you when you notice that you have that desire, that’s when you need to stop, you need to interrupt the pattern in that moment, while it is happening, do not take a drink. This is not easy, I get it, it’s hard. It’s an uncomfortable thing to do. But this is how you’re going to break the habit. And this is how you’re going to diminish the desire.
So you can’t skip this part, you have to stop you, you got to just like nod, take the drink, okay. And then you have to identify the emotion or the feeling that you’re having at that moment. Right, you have to stop and be present with yourself. Now, when you stop and you don’t take the drink, you’re going to start to feel something.
And your first reaction is going to be I want to make this feeling go away. And if you’re choosing not to drink, you might choose to do something else like to distract yourself in some other way. I’m just going to go for a run, I’m going to do some laundry, I’m going to wash the dog, I’m going to do something just to like, take my mind off of this.
And I don’t want you to do that. In fact, it’s not going to help you’re not going to be you’re not going to become better at changing the desire if you do that. All you’re going to do is just you know you’re replacing the drink with some other way of distracting yourself. And we don’t want to do that.
You have to create awareness about what is really going on inside you inside your brain inside your body. So what I want you to do is when you notice that urge comes and that desire is there to drink. You just have to stop, stop right there, interrupt the pattern, do not take the drink, sit down, close your eyes, and feel whatever’s coming up for you just feel the emotion is the part where you’re like you had me up until this point.
But you just have to do this part. It’s so important. What is this thing you’re feeling? Is it stress? Is it anger? Like, name it. Is it boredom? Is it frustration? Is it anxiety? Describe the feeling, name it, and describe it. What is this feeling like inside your body? We feel our emotions in our body, our thoughts we experience in our brains in our heads, our emotions, our feelings we experience in our body.
And they manifest in ways like a tightness in your shoulders, stiffness in your neck, turning in your stomach, a heaviness in your chest, things like that. Describe the way it feels. And you only have to take a few minutes to do this, like five minutes.
Sit down, close your eyes, name that thing you’re feeling. Name the emotion. Feel it in your body describe the way you’re feeling it in your body. Because what emotion really is, is a sensation in your body. That’s it. It’s a sensation in your body. But we’re so afraid to feel these things, we’re so afraid to feel an emotion that we’re drinking instead. And we’re eating instead.
Because when we drink or we eat, it just stuffs that emotion down and it makes it kind of go away. It doesn’t really go away, by the way. It’s still there. But you’re dampening it. And you’re like pushing it down. And I heard you describe it this way. It’s kind of like holding a beach ball underwater. Like if you’re in a pool or in the ocean, you’re trying to hold that ball underwater.
And the more you push it down, the more it wants to just shoot up. And it’s just like you can’t hold it down forever. At some point, it’s going to come exploding out through the water. And that’s exactly what we’re doing with our emotions. When we drink over them when we eat over them.
So this process is so important. You have to understand what it is you’re feeling and you just have to feel it. So, identify what it is you’re feeling. Name the emotion and then feel it in your body. That’s it. Take five minutes to be present with yourself, with exactly what you’re feeling.
And I would encourage you to write it down, this is really helpful through this process is just to write down what you’re feeling and how it feels in your body, you’re going to be creating so much awareness around while you’re drinking, that that desire will start to immediately just diminish, I promise you.
And the key part of this is like, we don’t want to try to make the feelings go away. And this is going to be your natural inclination, you’re going to be like, I just want to make this go away. I don’t like to feel the stress, I don’t like to feel the anxiety or the boredom, I just want to make this go away.
But the key thing here, and the key habit we’re trying to change is not dampening our emotions, not avoiding our emotions, not trying to numb out to our emotions, the key thing we’re trying to change is we want to feel them, we want to be present with them, we want to acknowledge them, and it may not feel good. And that’s okay, you can do this, you can do this for five minutes, you can feel a little bit of stress for five minutes, you will not die, I promise you. Don’t do anything to try to change how you feel. This is kind of a radical concept, right?
Just feeling your feelings, it seems so simple. And it is simple. It’s not easy. It’s uncomfortable. But the more you do it, the better you get at it, and the more comfortable it becomes. In order to change that thought feeling action habit that you’re in, and change the desire that you’re feeling, you’ve got to get good at feeling stuff, you just got to get good at feeling what you’re feeling, and not giving in to it.
And here’s something that’s kind of interesting. This is not just true for negative emotions. So we talk about stress and fear and anxiety and anger and all this stuff, right. But sometimes you might be feeling a lot of joy or happiness or excitement. And those emotions can be very strong and feel very uncomfortable for a lot of people because we’re not, we’re not used to feeling those things. So they feel weird to us, right?
Happiness can feel very uncomfortable for us because it’s not our norm. So we often feel like I just want to drink because you know, I’m feeling a little too good. I want to like, dampen that emotion, you don’t even know you’re doing this, I promise you, you think you’re just drinking to celebrate or have fun. And a lot of times we’re drinking to just feel comfortable. We’re not wired as humans to seek happiness, we’re wired to seek comfort. We’re not wired to experience our emotions, we’re wired to, you know, numb out and try to avoid our emotions.
This is not something we’re used to doing at all, just sending with our feelings and feeling them good, bad, whatever we want to whatever, however you want to label them. And these are just labels, right? There’s no good or bad emotion. They’re all just emotions. And as humans, it’s cool, we get to experience all the emotions, right?
So we got to feel what we’re feeling, we just have to be present with that, we have to create the awareness that internal that self-awareness, it’s so key, right. And in order to make any kind of change, it’s not enough, just know this or think about it, you have to take action. And I know a lot of you that are listening to this right now will never do this, you will never take the time to just sit with your feelings and write them down. And that’s okay, that’s fine.
But the solution to lessening your desire for alcohol or food or whatever your strong desire is, the solution is to get good at experiencing your feelings. Now, I’ve been practicing this for a long time. And I’ve changed a lot of habits, I’ve changed a lot of bad habits. I’ve replaced those habits with new ones, habits that helped me to grow and helped me to evolve, and helped me to become more of who I want to be.
And these new habits, are now in alignment with that future version of myself that I’m always working towards. I’m not superhuman, there’s nothing really special about me. I’m just willing to feel my emotions, all of them. And you can get good at this too. When you do you can become an emotional badass. I love this little phrase, the becoming an emotional badass. I think this is something we can all strive for.
And I was talking to a client recently who she and I were talking about this exact topic about you know, just sitting with your feelings and feeling them instead of trying to eat over them or instead of trying to drink over them. And she said that she was going over this with her 12-year-old daughter, she was explaining how to do this with her daughter and explaining her that it was okay for her to not feel good and to just feel her feelings.
And that was okay. And I was like, Well, what a radical concept that must be. For kids especially like to be taught this at an early age, I’m really hoping that this kind of stuff catches on with kids. And that we can learn how to do this early on in our life, and we can get good at it and we can become emotional badass is at an early age, and the rest of our lives can be, it’s not going to be without struggles or challenges.
But I think we can just be so much better and engage in less of the kind of behavior that we don’t want to be engaged in, you know, like drinking too much or, or eating over our feelings, you know. So I think this is cool stuff that we can teach our kids, you know.
So I want to encourage you, even though you might think it’s weird, even though you may probably not want to do it, I want to encourage you to do this work to take action because it’s only by taking action that you’re going to make any kind of change, okay?
I want to encourage you to stop giving in to every desire that you have. You know, I want you to stop giving in to seeking comfort and safety all the time and seeking more of the known I want you to seek discomfort I want you to seek, you know, the unknown. I want you to do the harder thing, which is to just feel whatever it is that’s coming up for you without doing anything to make it go away.
And then over time, as you get good at this, a lot of times that the desire, once you understand and you’ve demystified desire and you understand what’s really going on inside you, you can begin to change this so easily and so quickly, and it’ll become a habit for you, it’ll become an unconscious automatic habit for you where you have, you know, you experience a desire for something, and it just sort of like you can instantly just kind of make it change, you can make it go away and lessen it, and then you don’t need it anymore.
And you can actually over time, you can learn how to change your thoughts and feelings. But the first step is you have to create the awareness that your thoughts are causing your feelings, your thoughts are causing your desire. It’s not the alcohol that’s causing your desire, the alcohol sitting over there is not causing you to feel this way. It’s your thoughts about it that are causing you to feel this way.
And over time, you can learn how to change those thoughts. And when you get good at this, you can go anywhere you can be around people who are drinking and go hang out at bars with people, you can have alcohol in your house and not desire it at all. And that’s what I want for you.
I want you to be able to just live your life and hang out with people who are drinking and not be you know, having to white knuckle it. Through all of that, I want you to experience the freedom that comes with understanding desire and eliminating that desire for things that aren’t serving you.
Alright, so I hope you got something out of this episode today. If you did, please consider sharing it with a friend. Come join us over in the Facebook group for our dry July challenge. We’re gonna be talking more about this kind of stuff all month long. Love you all keep on Running Lean. I’ll talk to you soon.
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